Happy Birthday

To my Madeleine,
In just a few hours (well, 12 but I'm going to sleep and you already are so it will FEEL like a few) you will be 3. THREE YEARS OLD! How did this happen? I'm having a lot of mama guilt today because I've been down with mastitis the last 3 days and don't have a single thing to surprise you with in the morning. You can blame brother for trying to look like the good sibling by sleeping so well so early, before mama was ready, since I'm pretty sure that is what got me into this position. Luckily you don't expect anything more than exclamations about it being your real birthday (you like to pretend a lot) and hugs and kisses from me and your brother. Don't worry, I'll make your day special. Every day with you is special my sweet girl, I just don't always appreciate it the way I should. Tomorrow I will, and I hope to remember that more often.

Life with you as a 3 year old is never boring. It never has been, but especially now. I love this video (below this paragraph) because you are talking up a storm not knowing what exactly you are saying. Little did we all know that wouldn't change much. Now if you have stuff to say but can't quite figure out what word to use you just make the noise of the action. Like spitting into the sink after brushing your teeth. You tell us you need to *pfffft* and that is as close to the sound as I can type. It is adorable. Sometimes you make noises you shouldn't know and don't really understand, like today when you told me you were going to *pshew pshew* me, meaning you were pretending to shoot me with a gun. Thanks Tavian, I'm pretty sure I owe that one to you. As well as the *hiya*ing.

I'd like to remember your favorite things right now but......I have no idea what they are. You love life, you love stuff, you love EVERYTHING! Every family member is the best when you are with them, every color of the rainbow is a favorite when you look at it, every toy has their moment, every food is good when you are eating it. You are just full of appreciation and love for life and all the things, and people, in it. Every time we drive past the park you ask if we can stop and go to the park. I never take you, we have all the same things in the backyard but I guess I should. Because you would love it. I have a lot to learn from you little girl. You are FULL of life and ideas and most of all happiness. You laugh and cry and get angry (I know because you tell me so) and every emotion is so vivid with you. Luckily you are most often happy or simply opinionated, hardly every crying or whining, except when fit trowing. I know if I were a better mam to you it would be easier to make all the fits go away. I'll try harder this next year ok? (this video is your first really good laugh, you loved life from the beginning).

Oh Madeleine. Bringing you into this world was not an easy thing for me to do. I don't think it was too easy for you either. But we did it, together, and I'm so happy you are here, my first daughter. My first and forever baby. I love every inch of you and wish I could hold you in my arms right now as I weep while writing this. I hope you remember that, no matter what happens. Your mama loved you so much it made her cry when you were away. Even when she was a grouch she missed you the moment you left her side. That is how amazing you are sweet girl. Happy 3rd birthday. I cannot wait to see how we celebrate together.  (below: an old phone picture of your sweet baby tummy, snoozing on my lap. No wonder you hate to sleep without me ;)