These Are the Moments

Lately on Facebook a little story has been going around about a mom at the park who is so busy on her phone that she is missing out on what her child is experiencing. The first time I read it I felt the tiniest bit of guilt because, yeah, that is me sometimes. Even when we're at home, even at the dinner table; sad. Mad Maddie hates when I'm on my phone and at the same time her own obsession with technology is growing. I put her off so I can read something, so she finds an Ipad and watches a movie.

Last year she couldn't figure out how to pedal. This year she just hopped on and did it! And I was there to see those first moments of glee in her eyes as she pushed that bicycle forward. Priceless.

Shortly after reading that we were at the park and I looked around at everyone doing just that, missing out on beautiful moments because they are so distracted with their phones or even just gossiping with friends on the benches. One woman walked her toddler down, unpacked him from his huge fancy stroller, followed him around the park, all while talking on her hands free set. He wanted to swing, she pushed him two times and then took him out and walked away, never saying two words to him. He wandered around, too small to get to the top of the slide on his own or play on any of the other toys at all, until she picked up him (still on her phone) and headed home. They were there for 15 minutes on a BEAUTIFUL, rare, early Spring day and she was too busy talking to a friend about some dance drama (can you see that I have a knack for eavesdropping during my own park trips? An hour of swing pushing requires entertainment) to even help her boy play.

I took this selfie and then melted to see how he was looking at me. He loves me! I feel like I don't deserve it sometimes, but I'm trying.

So I've committed to less. Less phone time, less putting my Maddie off, less computer when I could be playing. Just less of everything that isn't being WITH my babies. I'm grouchy. Most days my tank starts off on empty and just depletes completely by the afternoon. This is all the more reason to be more present with them. To SEE their beautiful moments. To say YES more often when she asks me to help cook/clean/fold or to push her for an hour in the swing. To instill in them the memory that when they were young their mama wasn't perfect, but she was there. As a result I feel more guilt about my lack of patience but less guilt about what I am not giving them. I've found myself on the floor playing more often than ever before and it feels good. When I go to the park I don't have a million Iphone pictures to show for it because I make the conscience choice to leave my phone in the stroller, where it doesn't call to me.

I do, however keep my phone with me during dress up hour. Our favorite.

Next week he'll be in the Tinkerbell costume, Maddie is dying to put it on him.

They hug on each other all day. He climbs all over her when she is near.

I try to find moments to fill my tank so the next day I can be better and more patient. I don't have the luxury of spending time out of the house without my kids and I always feel like I need some recovery time so I can't really ask for it constantly. Sweet Jaime is attached to me nearly 24/7, so I'm needing to find things that fill me up without taking too much time. One of those moments is when I am nursing him to sleep at night, especially now that it is still light when I put him to bed (I love the sun, I want to marry it, for reals). We nurse and snuggle, then when he falls asleep I stretch out and lay beside him for 20 or 30 minutes, letting him fall into a deep sleep before moving him to his bed. The quiet time is good and my bed is comfy with him snoring next to me. Tonight, after my quiet 20 minutes with Jaime, I got the kitchen cleaned up and got Mad ready and into bed. It all felt so much easier; my tank had been filled enough to get me through the evening.

Nursing him when he is tired is heaven to me.

She found this pretty dead flower for me. I treasure it.