Purse Presents

After the most horrible awful no good Monday ever (aside from much needed alcohol and the hilarity which is girls night) I am anxious to have this whole week over and done with. Safe to say it will be a long one. The Gods must have known that I needed something special to help me today because I just opened up my purse and found a stray Peanut Butter M&M!!! Yes, I did eat it. My purse is clean inside! Well, maybe it isn't and, frankly my dears, I just don't give a sweet shit.

Somehow that made all the ALLNESS that was my Monday, and the lingering emotions that have rolled into my Tuesday, much tastier. Now I can't say that EVERYTHING this week sucked. "Well, my sister got picked up for shoplifting, my "best friends" can't tell me the truth about anything (apparently I'm just a shitty person that can't handle the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!) so they A)Make shit up and think I'm too stupid to know that they are lying or B)Just don't tell me and let me find out from someone else then apologize for me finding out that way, I'm a wreck and haven't had a single functioning relationship since my divorce (I guess by using the word divorce I'm admitting that I've never ACTUALLY had a functioning relationship) but I continue to devote my heart to people who don't really want it which results in tearful breakdowns on a frequent basis, I'm so stressed that I can't sleep, AND I'm on my period so I feel like shit BUT BUT BUT I found an M&M in my purse so take that mother truckers. You're jealous, I can tell, as you should be."

Right now things (ie: my life) are pretty laughable but that doesn't mean one can't find pure enjoyment in the simple things of life. Yeah, I do what I can.....

If You've Been Wondering About My Political Ideas...

You are a Social Liberal (81% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (21% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid.com: Free Online Dating Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Healing

Are people truly so hateful? Am I one of them? I don't understand how we can be happy if we refuse to release the hate. Can we ever be happy if we wish pain and suffering for others?

This has really made me think about my life and the bad energy that I expel. I don't want to be miserable over things that are done. I don't want my past to haunt me. There is beauty here in this strange and difficult life and I want to absorb it all. I strive to see beauty in everyone and while it isn't easy I still try. I'm sorry for all of us who have been hurt by another. My heart aches for everyone who has been through or is going through pain and I wish I could reach out and hold them all. But....my heart breaks even more for those of us who refuse to heal. The more hatred we put out into the universe, no matter how well deserved it may be, the more hatred will be returned to us. Hate is an ugly sick being. I know because I am still working to let mine go; sometimes we just don't know how.

My hate does not make me happy. I do not hate with pride or pleasure. I hate with tears. I hate with regret. I hate with so much pain and I'm so afraid that I will never be free from it. I do not find an ounce of beauty in those emotions and I am truly ashamed of them. I know that my hate makes me weak and I cannot live my life knowing that I was the one who could not follow the murmurings in my heart and learn to move beyond it all. My entire being has suffered long enough and I am ready to be rid of the guilt my hatred has burdened me with.

Today I will forgive. I will never ever write another word of hate towards a person or people who have hurt me. Today I will be the woman I know I am capable of being. Today I will act as I wish all others could act. I will be humble and forgiving. I will be kind and accepting. I will not judge. I will not find beauty in others hate. I will not. I cannot. I will be better because of this; I will heal, and my life will never, ever be the same.

When Life Gives You Lemons....

Have you ever had such a crisis in your life that it caused you to do crazy things? OH perfect example: You had a meltdown because you and your boyfriend got in a fight and the next night you were going to dinner with a previous man friend and then ACCIDENTALLY made out with him thus envoking a serious of emotions, happy and sad, that you didn't wish to stir up.

This weekend was a lot like that kind of a situation; kind of but not really because I don't even have a boyfriend. Also, I'm not really claiming I made out with someone but you get what I'm trying to say right? I'm in a crisis. I made a fake profile on a dating site because destiny demanded it of me and the hilarity was too great to pass up this opportunity. Carlix and I are going to speed dating on October 1st. It is going to be awesomely hilarious. I went to The Bayou and saw 2 different people I know. Apparently the world is shrinking!!! I also played pool and I still suck but once or twice I made it right in the hole and I'm not lying when I say that I totally turned myself on! Mad skillz yo.

My crisis? Well, it is just a regular crisis. Oh noes I don't know what I want so THE BEST THING TO DO IS DRINK TEQUILA!!! Tequila is my lover. Tequila lifts me up when I'm down. Tequila is the other man. Tequila, the other OTHER white meat; well, that one didn't work very well I guess so I'll end it there. I will say that due to tequila our dinner bill was $47.00 when I only ordered a $4.00 meal. Soooooo...there's that.

I'm working through this crisis and attempting to refrain from sending a long emotional email. It's not worth it and judging from previous experiences it will get me all of no where. Perhaps it will just give cause to drink and then we will drink rather than have the conversation that I've been wanting. Maybe I'll get another alcohol induced proclamation of love. *whee*

True Love in A Bottle

Last night I went over to a friend's house after work and upon my arrival he asked if he could get me anything. He proceeded to list a number of items in his kitchen that were to my liking. Being the gracious guest that I am I accepted his offer of a drink and said that I would mix something up for myself and make him one as well. You can imagine my delight when I opened the freezer to see this little lovely staring back at me....(see image)

It was as if he crawled right into my head and produced all the goodness I could have ever hoped for that night, or any night for that matter. We all need more friends who can read our minds. It helps when these friends have heard you declare your love for Tequila many MANY time over (in the last week especially).

I must add that this is the same friend that Tivo'd beach volleyball for me during the Olympics. You can see now why I let him hang out with me. No, it isn't for his awesome Guitar Hero skillz, sorry.

Flickr photo from lensbs

Why Couldn't I Have Been Born Witty?

I DON’T EVEN BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING REAL!!!!!!!! I know this...deal with it.

But it all comes down to having nothing to blog about. You want to know what’s in my head today? Okay hurry up! Good luck making sense of it.

All through this long weekend I’ve wondered what it is about relationships that is so wonderfully endearing that SUCKS SO MUCH ASS!!!

And after coming up with the answer I moved on to greater questions, like why can’t the rain and John Mayer sound so wonderful without a smoke? Or perhaps a few.

Also, why, when I make my coffee the same every morning (I measure the damn scoops!) does it taste good one day and bad the next then merely mediocre after that? It’s the endless search for the most delicious cup of coffee and I want to pull my hair out trying to figure it out. Coffee just isn’t one of those things that can taste the same day to day. The nice thing about attempting the perfect cup is the delicious anticipation it brings each morning. Only to drink it and have it suck. I don’t know about you but a bad cup of coffee WILL ruin my day. My answer to this is to stop using cream and sugar but, God, it’s like CRACK! (must be said out loud just how I’ve written it) and I want to use a little of every flavor I find on the shelf at least once. I’m telling you that the Cinnabun flavor was my eternal companion until I discovered Tiramisu. I’m torn between shame (it isn’t REAL coffee with flavored creamer in it) and the desire to shout my love of flavored creamer to the world.

I really can’t even count the number of times this weekend I’ve said these exact words, “It’s the Tequila. I really love Tequila”. I really do love Tequila and if you’d like to seduce me one night then I suggest you show up with a bottle of 1800 and a book that gives you 101 ways to get a drunk passed out chick to make out with you…without throwing up first.

I have a short list of reasons why one should never date men who are in their 30’s. Here it is:
♥ They are stupid


I also have a short list of why one (me) should never date (read: discontinue dating) men who are religiously confused.

♥ They are stupid

I’ve ALSO compiled a brief, yet very poignant, list of why one (once again, moi) should never date….

♥ They are stupid

I know. You’re moved. I can’t help it.

This answer also works for, “Why you should never read my blogs”, or perhaps, “Why you should always read my blogs”. Pick at random if you wish.