Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Bone Tired


What has the world come to when I'm so tired and overwhelmed and, *ahem* ornery, that I have nothing to say? I don't even feel like complaining that my diapers haven't magically moved themselves to the dryer.

But, they should. I didn't pay that much for a washer/dryer to have the wet diapers just SIT there waiting for me to do something with them. Anyway, back to not saying anything slash complaining.....because I just magically found the words (I swear they were not there when I started).

Seriously though, it's been a rough couple of weeks and I know that I have no reason to let all of everything get to me but today I had a hard time remembering that. It may have been due to lack of sleep, or a whining dog, or insensitive men not realizing how much I need to hear that I am good enough and what I do is good enough....even when they don't really think so.

Or perhaps it's a toddler throwing food on the floor cackling like an evil witch (seriously!) while I wonder if the rest of my life is going to be spent in the kitchen making meals and snacks fifty billion times a day (can I get a hell yes from every mama who knows exactly how I'm feeling?) only to clean them up off of the floor while being hollered at, "eat, eat, EEEEEEAT, wee wee (please), eat," as the dog manically licks the discarded meal off of the floor only to throw it up later that night (and then, yeah, eat that too)? The toddlerness of my life is definitely NOT the cause of my rough weeks, if anything she and The Bear are the absolute highlights of every day, but it can make an exhausted mama feel even more so.

I know exactly what I need to do. Let it all go, focus on the good, more mama baby cuddles in bed, less sugar, more water, more yoga slash healthy meditation. Breathe in breathe out and acknowledge the good that is my life. Instead I drink too much coffee, got a scrip for the headaches, and am currently drinking wine and eating red velvet cake. I guess we all do what we can.

P.S. Despite my orneriness I am SOOOOO grateful for the, LONG overdue, Surgeon General's Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding. Use the link to get to the PDF file of the entire release. And, PLEASE, read it. I am so excited about some of the suggestions and hopes she has for the future of breastfeeding support in the U.S. Like 18 weeks FULLY PAID maternity leave for mothers!!! Or mandatory breastfeeding education for any health care professional who comes in contact with mothers. And especially the end of formula companies advertising directly to consumers through posters and samples, etc. So, I'm really excited and I hope you all are too!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Basically.....

♥ my head hurts
♥ I'm tired
♥ I'm cold
♥ my teeth want to be brushed
♥ my head hurts
♥ shiz needs cleaning....like whoa
♥ laundry baskets!!! (like, I'm being attacked)
♥ messy refrigerator!!! (cue murder scene music)
♥ un-made bed!!! (blood on the bathroom floor)
♥ my head hurts (even more from the exclamations)
♥ the dog needs training....weeks ago
♥ I ate a cookie tonight
♥ more than one.
♥ I miss Mads when she sleeps

BUT....

♥ I have a soft pillow to put my aching head on to sleep
♥ our blankets are warm and cozy
♥ Sonicare!!! (like a welcome home sign at the airport exclamation)
♥ our pantry is full of over the counter pain killers
♥ when cleaned this shiz will look beautiful.....like, double whoa
♥ if I never clean it it's still pretty awesome
♥ laundry baskets are good for playing in with Mads when emptied (onto the floor)
♥ refrigerator full of food!!! (puppies being adorable exclamation)
♥ messy beds are still comfy
♥ headaches go away. almost always.
♥ my dog sleeps with/looks adorable with pillow pets. all on his own
♥ the more cookies you eat the less the calories count (?????right?????)
♥ Mad fell asleep in my bed and we snugged for a bit
♥ also, she looks like this.....

Look at me. Being all venty and positive in the same post. And have awesome punctuation skills that make tons of sense. All reasons why I read my own blog. I need to go eat some more cookies so I will hopefully have lost some weight in the morning.

By the way, if you're wondering, yes her tummy is exactly that sweet, her leg rolls beg to be pinched, she can accessorize her own hair thankyouverymuch so that's why it looks like I never do it. Cause I don't.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Healing

Are people truly so hateful? Am I one of them? I don't understand how we can be happy if we refuse to release the hate. Can we ever be happy if we wish pain and suffering for others?

This has really made me think about my life and the bad energy that I expel. I don't want to be miserable over things that are done. I don't want my past to haunt me. There is beauty here in this strange and difficult life and I want to absorb it all. I strive to see beauty in everyone and while it isn't easy I still try. I'm sorry for all of us who have been hurt by another. My heart aches for everyone who has been through or is going through pain and I wish I could reach out and hold them all. But....my heart breaks even more for those of us who refuse to heal. The more hatred we put out into the universe, no matter how well deserved it may be, the more hatred will be returned to us. Hate is an ugly sick being. I know because I am still working to let mine go; sometimes we just don't know how.

My hate does not make me happy. I do not hate with pride or pleasure. I hate with tears. I hate with regret. I hate with so much pain and I'm so afraid that I will never be free from it. I do not find an ounce of beauty in those emotions and I am truly ashamed of them. I know that my hate makes me weak and I cannot live my life knowing that I was the one who could not follow the murmurings in my heart and learn to move beyond it all. My entire being has suffered long enough and I am ready to be rid of the guilt my hatred has burdened me with.

Today I will forgive. I will never ever write another word of hate towards a person or people who have hurt me. Today I will be the woman I know I am capable of being. Today I will act as I wish all others could act. I will be humble and forgiving. I will be kind and accepting. I will not judge. I will not find beauty in others hate. I will not. I cannot. I will be better because of this; I will heal, and my life will never, ever be the same.

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