My Name is Melissaa & I'm an Addict....

Yesterday The Bear sent me a link about sugar as an addiction. I confess, it's addiction we both suffer from, and it was sort of embarrassing to read about how lab mice would rather have sugar water than cocaine. I'm just a chubby lab mouse!

I wasn't always this way! Although I've always appreciated a treat when I'm bored/busy/tired/stressed/happy/sad (emotional gratification much?) but it was never to an extreme. Enter an Alien baby that would eventually be my Baby Bear. I was worried that I would crave meat during my pregnancy but, unless you count the dreams about corn dogs I had in the beginning, I didn't. Instead I craved all things sugar (and some curly fries). It's likely that sugar had a lot to do with the weight I gained....and haven't been able to lose.

Haven't been able to lose because.......once the sugar addiction started I haven't been able to kick it. And it's depressing. Just before Halloween The Bear started a diet. We bought more candy then you could even imagine (really!) and when way more than half of it was leftover after the holiday and I was left to face it alone. Kit Kat's sounded good first thing in the morning, and then another, and another, and another. Reeses, Milk Duds, Whoppers. Whoa boy was I in trouble. So, I packed up the candy, dropped it off to my mom's house to save for Gingerbread house making and have been in withdrawals ever since. I've lost 3 lbs of sugar weight this week (I gave up Dr. Pepper too!) and I feel like I'm going to die. Sad really! But sugar cravings are better than self loathing right? RIGHT??????

Last night I was thinking about addictions and I glanced at my nightstand, the very home of my other addiction. Catalogs (and some magazines but not the celebrity kind). Real Simple, Pottery Barn Kids, William Sonoma, & Sundance...just to name the few I'm browsing right now. When The Bear comes in the house with new mail I am absolutely giddy thinking about looking through a brand new, fresh & crisp, catalog. I like to browse through them quickly, first, and then go back the second time and look at each page more carefully. In decor magazines I like to imagine all the cute things in my own house, I often exclaim to Mr. Bear, "oh isn't this so cute! It would look great *insert room here*," and he just shakes his head. I mark pages, get inspiration, and generally just gush over everything. If it's clothing or jewlery I tab pages with things I wish I could have, or wish I could look good in, and try to put together a mental image of each outfit I'm imagining buying. How often do I actually order from these magazines? Almost never. Everything is overpriced and I can't really justify buying a lot any of it.

My addiction to cataloging (as I like to call it) comes from my mom. When I was a teenager my favorite thing to do was tab pages in the Victoria's Secret catalog. Every so often my mom would let my older sister and I pick a thing or two to actually order. These days I love going to my parent's and finding a catalog I don't receive sitting on the counter. My mom and I will sit together and choose our favorite items (cardigans have been the thing of the season) and argue over which color is best. The Bear doesn't understand why we do this to ourselves, when often we can't/don't buy anything, but I guess it's just an "us" thing. It's a happy addiction and one I don't mind indulging in. Also, it has fewer side effects than my sugar addiction.