To Eat or Not to Eat....

I'm puttering around my quiet, post bedtime, house trying to get things done (while not actually working too hard) and I swear that all the sweets and treats in the house are calling my name. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear as I organize groceries in the refrigerator, taunting me with their bubbles and toppings of whipped cream or raspberries as I try to fold my laundry, begging me to stop washing those dishes and sit down with just one cup/slice/piece/bit before I nod off to sleep with my little Baby Bear snuggled in beside me. Curse you holiday that is an excuse to buy things that don't belong in this chubby household!

The Bear, admittedly loathing of such a ridiculous a holiday as Valentines Day, brought home Godiva Chocolate Truffles, Raspberry Almond Torte, Expensive Red Wines, among other goodies and they are all half eaten waiting for me to give in and indulge for the second night in a row. Ridiculous! I should just throw it all out, but the sugar addict in me just cannot let go!

{Mad Mads in her Valentines outfit...well before Valentines Day since we were sick and unable to move on Monday. She's sweeter than any treat!!!}

I'm trying to keep my hands busy with projects but my brain is going a million miles an hour and I can't even focus on getting a single task accomplished. I don't blame this lack of focus, entirely, on the sugar cravings. It's been a really long week. A long month. A long year in fact (is it a bad sign if I'm saying this at the beginning of month 2?), and I am tending to avoid the things that simply must be done. Today, instead of putting laundry away (at least 3 loads waiting on the couch for my undivided attention) I got down and dirty with my spray paints and have almost finished up a little project in the kitchen and one in the laundry room. It takes so much longer during these cold, dirty, months so now, when I am literally a few sprays away from being done I find myself wandering to other jobs. My non perishable groceries are sitting quietly on the living room rug waiting for me to assign them a home. Instead, I am blogging. About all these things I should be doing, but am not, because I can't stop my mind from wanting to eat and then relax.

My Mad and I are slowly recovering from a terrible illness that has plagued our home for an entire week now. She is coughing constantly and her nose is one big scab from the constant flow of snot I try to keep from dripping into her mouth, I have a throat that is swollen, but not enough to keep me from enjoying the taste of aforementioned foods. We both are tired and cranky and ready to feel 100% again. House tending isn't really what I want to be doing tonight but I know when I wake in the morning I'll be even crankier if I have to deal with sick Baby and dirty home. The incredible, and frustrating, fact is that The Bear and I LITERALLY scrubbed this place from top to bottom over the weekend while the sun was shining and we had the energy. It smelled like Pledge and freshly washed floors. Now it looks just the way it always seems to, cluttered and in need of my attention.

{My kitchen project, waiting for colored hooks to screw into the bottom as key holders. Previously it was black, one of those multi-purpose boards from Target.}

My Name is Melissaa & I'm an Addict....

Yesterday The Bear sent me a link about sugar as an addiction. I confess, it's addiction we both suffer from, and it was sort of embarrassing to read about how lab mice would rather have sugar water than cocaine. I'm just a chubby lab mouse!

I wasn't always this way! Although I've always appreciated a treat when I'm bored/busy/tired/stressed/happy/sad (emotional gratification much?) but it was never to an extreme. Enter an Alien baby that would eventually be my Baby Bear. I was worried that I would crave meat during my pregnancy but, unless you count the dreams about corn dogs I had in the beginning, I didn't. Instead I craved all things sugar (and some curly fries). It's likely that sugar had a lot to do with the weight I gained....and haven't been able to lose.

Haven't been able to lose because.......once the sugar addiction started I haven't been able to kick it. And it's depressing. Just before Halloween The Bear started a diet. We bought more candy then you could even imagine (really!) and when way more than half of it was leftover after the holiday and I was left to face it alone. Kit Kat's sounded good first thing in the morning, and then another, and another, and another. Reeses, Milk Duds, Whoppers. Whoa boy was I in trouble. So, I packed up the candy, dropped it off to my mom's house to save for Gingerbread house making and have been in withdrawals ever since. I've lost 3 lbs of sugar weight this week (I gave up Dr. Pepper too!) and I feel like I'm going to die. Sad really! But sugar cravings are better than self loathing right? RIGHT??????

Last night I was thinking about addictions and I glanced at my nightstand, the very home of my other addiction. Catalogs (and some magazines but not the celebrity kind). Real Simple, Pottery Barn Kids, William Sonoma, & Sundance...just to name the few I'm browsing right now. When The Bear comes in the house with new mail I am absolutely giddy thinking about looking through a brand new, fresh & crisp, catalog. I like to browse through them quickly, first, and then go back the second time and look at each page more carefully. In decor magazines I like to imagine all the cute things in my own house, I often exclaim to Mr. Bear, "oh isn't this so cute! It would look great *insert room here*," and he just shakes his head. I mark pages, get inspiration, and generally just gush over everything. If it's clothing or jewlery I tab pages with things I wish I could have, or wish I could look good in, and try to put together a mental image of each outfit I'm imagining buying. How often do I actually order from these magazines? Almost never. Everything is overpriced and I can't really justify buying a lot any of it.

My addiction to cataloging (as I like to call it) comes from my mom. When I was a teenager my favorite thing to do was tab pages in the Victoria's Secret catalog. Every so often my mom would let my older sister and I pick a thing or two to actually order. These days I love going to my parent's and finding a catalog I don't receive sitting on the counter. My mom and I will sit together and choose our favorite items (cardigans have been the thing of the season) and argue over which color is best. The Bear doesn't understand why we do this to ourselves, when often we can't/don't buy anything, but I guess it's just an "us" thing. It's a happy addiction and one I don't mind indulging in. Also, it has fewer side effects than my sugar addiction.