April Showers (of snow)

Wow. I mean, wow. It's April. Mid April even! That means there has been.....A LOT of weeks this year! I don't know how to express my awe at the passing year in any sort of intellectual way.

We've already had our first BBQ which is pretty amazing considering that today it just snowed again (once again, MID April). A note about BBQing: Apparently you shouldn't let a vegetarian prepare your meat, we don't know what we're doing. Additionally you should not let a meat eater prepare a veggie burger; they do not take as long to cook, veggies are good "medium rare" too!

April is a really exciting and/or exhausting month (mostly exhausting). It's the official family birthday month. 6th, 7th, 8th, 14th.....If I told you about the day Mr. Bear and I spent birthday shopping I'd have to take a nap, and it's almost my bedtime.

My baby sister turned 18 this month!



I love this girl. I mean, I really REALLY love her. Mr. Bear generally endures a 10 minutes gush session, on all the things I love about her, at least once a week. Don't even get me started on Baby Cake (nickname). Let's just say that fuzzy brown babies are way cuter than "blonde" ones. This fall she will hopefully be working for us while she goes to COLLEGE! (probably didn't need an exclamation...) I can't wait. Also, this is the only one of my sisters who's love for Pugs comes anywhere close to my own. She kisses their tummies and puts them in the bath. On second thought, I think she loves them more because I won't even do that. Happy Birthday Cake! And happy birthday rest of my family...and all the friends who have April birthdays too.

Monday we had my niece and nephew for the evening. I learned that my nephew likes to lay on the floor of RC Willey and say he's dead. There is nothing you can do about it. People may or may not look at you strangely as the step around him. He also likes to turn the lights on inside my car, drink rootbeer and touch Mr. Bear's television with sticky fingers. Oh, and he cuddles A LOT (love it!). I also learned that my niece smells much nicer after a bath (who knew a 5 year old needed at least one bath over the weekend), is very good at the grocery store checkout, & will totally blame her brother when she gets in trouble. I only cried for about 10 minutes when the left because I'm pretty sure I'll be a terrible mother. Shit.

I'll close this lengthy and pointless update with one thought. Colbert rocks. That probably qualifies as FACT and not just a thought. Also, snow is an ass hole.

*edit: change all the "the"'s that don't make sense to "they". I'm too lazy to do it myself.

Your Turn to Do the Dirty Work

I wish I had a lot to say but I don't because I'm just.so.tired. And I can't sleep and my back hurts from tossing and turning. So that is what I have to say, along with a million other things that I won't say because I'm just.so.tired. And I can't sleep...You get the picture.

I'm currently displaced, in the middle of being IN place, and let me tell you THAT shit is exhausting. Building things with tools is not something I recommend for healthy relationships. I would say that you'd be better off letting him do it...while you, the woman, slaved away on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy. NOT that I would do this, but, it's a suggestion. Other options would be to make Nachos. Said things that were built with tools are now very useful. I have a much needed nightstand that I use to collect piles of useful junk such as vitamins, water bottles, hair pins, earrings, tissues etc etc. Mr. Bear uses his to hold the 10 billion remotes that make the television turn on and off. Strange since the only things we watch on it are the Apple TV downloads and the one mini Apple TV remote usually stays lost amongst the piles of blankets and pillows on our bed. Apple, I shake my fist at whomever decided to make that damn remote so teeny tiny...and white! Real remotes are large with flashing buttons and alarms.

People at work whisper behind my back about how I'm getting fat(ter). If they said this to my face I would say, "I know!", or "really? I guess that is why I'm not supposed to eat those curly fries for dinner every night?". Instead they say it to my friends and then I cry and say they are ass holes. As Mr. Bear would say, "Indeed!". But I cry without tears, because real girls don't cry with tears. As for the fat, well, they'll get used to it eventually, and I imagine they will feel really bad about gossiping!

Bright and Sunshiney Day

First of all...I know. Shitty blogger right! Please let me explain, let me tell you all the reasons I've failed as your internet Savior (please, don't try to deny it), I have so many good excuses. First of all I quit my second job. FINALLY! This doesn't contribute to my shitty bloggerness, I just wanted to talk about it. Actually, I only have two reasons. A) I've been really busy at the one job I DO still have and I refuse to computerize my evenings away at home and B) My life is totally and completely boring so I have nothing funny or witty to share with you.

I could tell you that I hate when my sleep is disturbed by the need to get up and pee. I mean, who wants to get out of bed at night just to go to the bathroom? Not me! I've been sleeping through this pestering feeling for as long as I can remember and now I'm beginning to think that perhaps I drink too much liquid? Either way my bladder and I have had a talk and I expect it to be on its very best behavior going forward.

But, chances are you don't care about my bladder and it's misbehavior and would much prefer to look at pictures from my recent trip to L.A. Maybe I'll throw one of a pug puppy while I'm at it just for cuteness sake.



Stephen took Carly and I to La Reve at Wynn in Vegas. It was tons of fun! As you can see we are really interested in what is happening. Carly is likely checking out all the bald "Joe's" doing splits on poles. FYI to all the men out there, she likes the splits not baggage!



Flowers bloomed from the sky for us!



The water stage the performance took place in/on.

After Vegas we headed on to L.A. First stop Hollywood! There is supposed to be the Hollywood sign behind us but it was too far away...and our faces were the number one priority. Hello!



We brought Carly as a peace offering and it worked for at least one night. It looks like we're all couples. Cute/throw up! I left the red eyes on there just because I'm awesome like that/super lazy.



Stephen and his boyfriends (can I call them that?) were happy to see each other. Here is where I mention that they used to be obedient to "The Lord" and all served a mission together in Russia like dutiful man boys do (the serving no the together in Russia part). Hope I don't get in trouble for saying that!



And now I will share with you a small portion of pictures from our day at the beach....and one of a pug puppy.

Resolved

A lazy weekend. Finishing the first book in its entirety for the first time in who knows how long. Hour long baths. Sleeping in and enjoying the quiet. The Dino museum with two little edible, delightful, insightful, intelligent children. Wonders, worries, conversation and enjoyment.

Now, the blog I began in the early afternoon of my lazy Sunday, will be completed, sans jokes and/or silliness, and I will brush my teeth and be off to have a delicious dinner of curry & shrimp (seafood being the only meatylike enjoyment I allow myself) with my parents and the pugs. Maybe a sister. Tomorrow I go to work and the madness that is "Month End" begins. Lucky for me I don't work "Second" until next Saturday. These days finding energy to face reality isn't easy. 2 jobs just isn't so delightful. Who would have thought.

The Ultimate

Where to start. Well. I haven't put make up on in WEEKS (now turning into months) I've stopped trying to remember if I'm wearing the same shirt as I wore 3 days ago (hey if it's clean I'll take it!), I've been snacking on the same Blueberry Luna bar for 3 days...the same bar that I threw half of up on Tuesday because of that lovely Tequila hangover, I got a manicure today and my hands are UNrecognizable....do you really want me to continue? Because I can. Don't get me started on shaving. Underarms are a stretch this week.

And yet, I'm chipper and listening to Bryan Adams while I blog(yeah what are you gonna do about it. FYI my jokes about the music I listen to are NOT jokes. I really do have a Michael Bolton album, just one).

There are 5652 emails total in my Outlook. Who is even noticing that I have 15 unread emails in my inbox and I can't read them because I can't even find them! 22 voicemails....that's nothing compared to my usual 45 (that is the max my phone can hold). I probably shouldn't make a joke about how there are only 22 because I just erased half of them the other day. Awkward! And the paper. My desk is being held responsible for holding 1/2 of the world's rain forest's hostage. Believe me I don't take that accusation lightly. Oh the guilt.

And yet, I'm drinking a Dr. Pepper (lovehandles, what? Huh?) and wishing I could be headed to my vaca in California right this very second. I took a 2 hour lunch and left my phone on silent. I'm really only concerned about finishing my work by 5 so I can go home to Mr. Bear, a delicious cranberry & blue cheese salad & a fancy bottle of wine. Oh, and Grey's. We aren't risking the recording disaster again today so you now know what I'll be doing at 8PM this evening and you better believe it won't be working from home.

In My Moment of Weekness

first of all. I know. I was an English major for, like, a week. Not kidding. Impressive I know. Now on to the story.

Mr. Bear is constantly hassling me to learn his ultra fantastically difficult television remote system. I, ever so kindly, decline at his every insistence. Find me one good reason on God's good earth why I should learn how to push lots of buttons and possibly royally fuck SOMETHING up, as I am known to do (I can hardly figure out how to use a garage door opener for hell's sake!), and I will learn. Unfortunately Mr. Bear, a very ANGRY Bear, only found reason enough to convince me I should learn to turn the overcomplicated device OFF. It came in handy once or twice but I won't lie, I'd much prefer the alternative, which is to wait for him to get in bed and then remind him that the tv is on and I, the incompetent home invader, can't remember which red buttons to push and he has to get up to turn it off. Actually, on second thought, I don't prefer the alternative as much as I REQUIRE the alternative because when you have twentysevenmillionty remotes, all with a few red buttons of varying sizes, a girl like me, who has never paid for cable in her life (if it doesn't come with the apartment it must not be very important), is hard pressed to remember which damn red button to push. And in what God damn order?! "The black one? There are 5 black remotes! The black remote with the red On button? Ok got it!" and then the radio starts blaring from the laundry room. You get my point.

Anyway, tonight I was left to my own devices as Mr. Bear fulfilled his "work obligations" and drank Patron without me. It all started off innocently enough with the thought of a big lonely house.....I immediately decided to break into Mr. Bear's condo so I wouldn't feel so ALONE. Maybe I'd read a book. That was my single resolution was it not? "Strange" I thought to myself, "I feel like there is something very important going on today???". Oh man, important was an understatement! Today is my favorite day of the week, Thursday!!! Not because it comes before Friday, although that is a lovely thought, but because Thursday is Grey's Anatomy night!

In my mind I know there is a little highlighted section on his Tivo blinking with the indication of a new recorded piece of heaven. Wish I would have taken those lessons after all. Brilliant idea! I'll call him and make him teach me over the phone. I'm a smart girl, it could totally work. And work it did. Even though he MAY have been a few (dozen) sheets to the wind he walked me through the process and BAM there was my highlighted euphoria.

I wish I could end this story with how AWESOME Grey's was tonight but, of course, the one night I show off my incredible remote control talents the show stopped recording about 5 minutes in. It, like this story, was similar to seeing Brad Pitt get ALMOST naked (in person!) only to find out he's really a chick, and not even a hot one! Buzz kill. So I watched shitty Utah news until I got pissed off about the talk of stupid new Utah liquor laws and shut it off. I kind of wanted to leave it on for whenever he got home the next day but I figure it's not nice to take my anger on an innocent man. At least not when he was possibly sleeping peacefully in a comatose-like fashion. Instead I'll just let him continue to get out of bed to turn it off at night, knowing I probably could do it without breaking too much in the process. Yeah, this is a brilliant plan.

9 Times Out of 10

Mel: When Yenchi has a pug puppy we should have one! Kidding!
Mr. Bear: We can get a pug puppy...but it's yours if you leave me. And it has to be a Yenchi pug puppy. Small.
Mel: You never know. There's no guarantee.
Mr. Bear: We'll just get a girl.
Mel: There's no guarantee.
Mr. Bear: 9 times out of 10 girls are smaller.
Mel: You're so full of shit! You just made that shit up.
Mr. Bear: Google it!
Mel: You just made that shit up.

Just one of the awesome conversations we have through out our days together. But you better believe he loves those little shit fucks more than he ever thought possible. Shedding, snorting, begging and all. It's amazing what a little affection for a person can do you for you. He has also finally learned that regardless of what he might insist I am always right. No point in arguing when you're with someone who knows everything. *shrug* Yeah, sometimes it's tough to be as awesome and as perfect as I am. It's a cross I am will to bare (bear? haha)