Belated Mother's Day Post

I really missed out on talking about Mother's Day, about how much I love being a mama to my sweet Mad girl and how excited I am to watch my first baby love this new baby. Maybe it's a cliche to be so happy "just" being a mama but if it is I don't care, I love it and I'm not ashamed to shout it from the roof tops, or the top of Facebook which is what I do on a daily basis. So I'll just give a little shout out right now.....belated as it may be.

Riding the carousel at the Zoo. I had to steal this from Stephen's FB page so forgive the blur.

 To be honest I never knew how much I would love it. When I was a kid it was just what every other little girl wanted to do, so I wanted it too. I loved babies, especially my sweet brown haired baby sister who I adored from the moment I saw her tiny face (I don't recall the birth of my other younger sister much but my parents say I adored her just as much), but as I got older I questioned my own ability to be a good mother. One with patience, one smart enough to teach her children all the things they need to know (I won't lie the thought of teaching my Mad how to read still petrifies me!), it all felt very intimidating.

So being thrown head first into motherhood really worked out well for me. I was better than I thought I'd be but old enough to know my struggles and I still have to work on them every single day. And that's it. I love it even when I want to pull my hair out. Because that is part of motherhood you know. I'm surprised my own mother has any hair on her head because God knows what hell we've all put her through.

On that note I'll say that I'm lucky to have had the best mother in the world because I'd probably be a lot worse than I am if I didn't have such an amazing example of what motherhood should be. I only wish she thought she was as amazing as ALL of her children do. Even if/when we don't show it the way we should.

I also missed out on a birthday post for my AngryBear. He deserved a great one because he is so wonderful. It doesn't take much for me to look around and see that I lucked out when he fell in love with me and put up with all of my nonsense (he still does!). Father's Day is coming up and I can't wait to give him a post that is deserving of him. Also, he is OLD you guys. That means in a few years I'll be old too. Not looking forward to it!

Maddie loves her daddy. Another stolen FB picture.

My Journey to Mamahood

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared. Crazy scared. I didn't know if I would be a good mama to that little being. I was afraid I wouldn't be what this child needed. I was excited, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel fear. I had just spent the last 4 years of my life thinking about no one but myself. I was still adjusting to life in a committed relationship. You know, one where the man I was with actually admitted to being with me, who fought to keep me by his side. I wasn't sure I deserved his love let alone the love of an innocent human. Lucky for us, hormone filled, women we have 9 months to gain the confidence we need for the beautiful day when we become a mother for the first time. Or the second, third, fourth, etc.

*2 months pregnant with The Bear in L.A.
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*on vacation with The Bear, 30+ weeks pregnant


After the first 24 hours of contractions I knew that I was ready to have my child. My daughter. After the second 24 hours I was begging my body to do what was necessary to give birth. I lacked the grace I had always hoped to have during birth. After throwing up for the 4th time I seem to remember wondering how I was going to make it to pushing. And how would I find the strength when that time came.

How silly it was of me to question myself. I should have had faith in my abilities because when it had to be done I didn't give up. And I had the most beautiful, perfect, amazing baby girl to show for it. I would live those pain filled days a thousand times over again. I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. It would take many weeks before I could feel comfortable again but, oh my, being a mother was heaven. Even being a mother in pain. When she was placed in my arms the world stopped. The hospital room was filled with lights and people but all I could see, all I could hear, was my child. I put my hands on her and forgot the tears of the past few days.





I've spent the last 8 months loving her. Absorbing her perfect baby energy. Teaching her all I know (all that a baby can understand anyway, and some that she can't). Talking, laughing, crying with her. And you know what? I'm an awesome mama. I can say that. I might not love all the things about myself but I love being a mother. And I've poured my heart and soul into it. It seems to have paid off because I have a beautiful and funny daughter who stops grocery store traffic with her chubby cheeks and precious smile.

*Baby Bear, 6 months old


Those days of fear? When I didn't know if I could do it? If i would be any good at it? Well, they're mostly gone. Sometimes I still think about having a teenage daughter and I wonder how I'll help her understand how important it is to be good, smart, & respectful (of others and of herself). I hope I'll have another moment where it just clicks.

*Baby Bear & her mama on Valentines, 5 months old