The Nursery

First of all, I'm 39 weeks (tomorrow, if we're being technical, and I usually take my pics a couple days late so who knows if I'll keep growing in the next two days) and this thing feels massive. I honestly don't feel like I've grown but when I compare pictures I'm kind of blown away. This belly is big. Real big. Anyway, I just wanted to get this thing out of the way.....

I'm too sexy to show my un-madeup face and fat arms

Now on to the main subject here. The nursery. I'm not a decorator by any means nor am I at all talented naturally when it comes to crafting and making things look good in a room. I try because I like having a cute house as much as the next girl (or guy!) but it takes a lot of work and thought for something that generally seems, meh, if you know what I mean. I can pick out cute stuff but putting it into motion, especially when it comes to hanging things on walls, is NOT my strong point.

So, that was my lengthy way of saying don't have too high of expectations when it comes to my nursery. I put so much thought into what I wanted in the room and how I really wanted it to feel. Which was pretty and clean. I don't have boatloads of money to spend or a professional designer bff or family member to help me out, I am working with a very small room, and of course there is the fact that I'm a little design challenged. All in all I am so happy with the outcome thus far, there are some other things to add, and I feel like it is truly what I was going for in this sweet little baby space.

The light in this particular room is terrible for picture taking at all times of the day. Trying to get this picture of the whole wall turned out terribly and it is quite grainy. It probably also doesn't help that I take all my pictures with my Iphone :/. That empty corner is just crying for a sweet little chair. However, my AngryBear bought me a beautiful printed reclining glider and it is going in our room since that is where I will be spending the bulk of our first months breastfeeding and rocking to sleep and I'm not about to worry about buying another chair at this very moment. So just imagine it. Also, I added a little hamper wire basket thing that is so cute but is not in this image. And the floor space....it will have a rug someday when I find the perfect one.

Whale print from Etsy, hooks from Michaels bought unfinished and painted

Baskets on clearance from Michaels, holding burp clothes, misc. baby items lotions etc, & cloth wipes and wetbags

Super sweet blanket basket from Home Goods

Yellow rimmed wire hamper from Home Goods

Dream sign from Michaels and spray painted, shelf from Home Goods

Mobile from Ikea, hanger thingy is a hanging plant hook spray painted

 The main focal point above the crib is the little lantern trio. I searched so many lantern designs in nurseries trying to get some inspiration but settled on just doing something very simple. Mostly because I only found these when I was ready to put stuff up, but I'm really happy I didn't do something more over the top. Mr. Bear is too......he just doesn't get it. I also try not to notice imperfections because it is absolutely not getting re-done, I can't care that much.

Sleepy print from Etsy, ikea crib, lanterns from Hob Lob that took entirely too long to hang

Sunshine pillow from Etsy

Please don't ask me why I am sharing a picture of this totally unorganized closet. It's awful. The point is to notice the super cute owl hanging next to it. I couldn't find the close up of it on my computer and it has to be included because I love it. It is a sweet little rod iron owl my lovely friend gifted to me and I've just never found the perfect spot for it (that thing about not being able to decorate walls....), until now that is. I spray painted it to match and am so in love. Eventually I'll have the closet brag worthy, but that could take another year.

So, that's it. I have a full wall, though not very long of a wall, that I am going to put a small table or mini bookshelf to hold a lamp, books, and some toys, and hopefully do a small picture frame gallery. That is another one of those projects for another day when I catch my breath again. The room is, as I said, very small, so I didn't want to overdo it with tons of details. If this baby happens to be a girl I have some fun ideas for girly magenta items that I'll throw in and over time the few things I mentioned will be added. But mostly I'm happy with it as is. And I am SO glad to have it done in time.

Now, we wait........

Reflection of the Overweight & Emotional

If I had to made an educated guess, and by educated I mean a guess with no formal research whatsoever, I would say that every pregnant woman hits a point in their pregnancy when they step back, look at their fat face in the mirror, and contemplate if being SUCH a bitch is really necessary. In my case I can't say that it is necessary, rather, it is one of those sticky situations I get myself into that is hard to recognize until well after the tears and erratic hand motions have ceased.

I'm the sort of girl that jumps the gun in getting upset. Time has trained me to assume that no man will have a calm discussion with you and so get the first word in, because it surely will be your last. I also require a certain period of time to dissect every word I said and think, "Hmmm....did I REALLY mean that I think his dog is a stupid whore?". Usually I don't. Unfortunately I have yet to discover a way to catch my mouth before it spins out of control.

Luckily, for all of the involved, I haven't acted on my VERY STRONG desire to throw things. This is an urge I've had to resist since I was a kid; crying uncontrollably in my room, woe is me my parents hate me because I'm fat and it makes me want to KILL LITTLE BUNNIES, so instead I'm going to throw this wood bunny REALLY HARD. And when it cracks against the wall the tears just turn to emotional self mutilation....woe is me my parents hate me because I'M PSYCHOTIC AND BREAK SHIT....you get the point. Now, when I'm angry, I just think about how damn good it felt when that cute little bunny left my hand and how if I can just find the nearest *searching searching* item *searching* that I can actually pick up *searching* I can get that same satisfaction.... but I have learned a lesson or two in my life, and I remember clearly that throwing things only makes one look crazy, not in control, and usually doesn't make me feel better. As a side note I should mention that I have no desire to throw things AT someone, just in the general direction of a wall.

So, this is my public apology for being a crazy bitch.

Also, may I gently remind those that I love that it has been about 4 1/2 months, 18 weeks......or 127 & a HALF days since I've had any Tequila. Or Xanax. Not that I'm keeping track. If you love me you'll remember this next time you see me desperately searching for a cotton ball to throw while I cry and mumble obscenities concerning your dog and her whoreness. Or is that my dog?

Poor Mr. Bear

Week 23 of being with "Alien" has arrived and I couldn't be more.....ornery about every damn thing that goes on. Sunday our breakfast server was a jack ass. Why? Because he was. Isn't that reason enough? The cashier had an annoying voice, and by annoying I mean incredibly cheerful, but paired with her spiky hair it was just THAT MUCH worse. The people behind us had a cute little girl who dared to talk loud enough for me to overhear, "WHY can't people control the mouth's of their 3 year old? We're in public for Christ's sake!!! NO TALKING ALLOWED!!!". It was hot outside. Fucking weather. Doesn't the sun know I'm pregnant and ornery as hell? Apparently not because it just kept shining. People drive too slow, or too fast, the sun shines at the wrong angle, my blanket got twisted, I forgot to turn the air conditioner off/on and I'm UNCOMFORTABLE, someone is getting married/divorced and wants to talk about their emotions (I'm not the only one with those things?), someone is having a conversation and IT REALLY IS BOTHERING ME!!! You see where I'm going with this?

Poor Mr. Bear.

We've gotten the itch, like many other expecting families have been known to do, to make the most of our small space by re-organizing. This includes down sizing furniture which actually costs money (SURPRISE!!!) although in the long run it is totally worth it. Naturally as first time parents we have a lot of things we'd like to invest in for the baby, and ourselves, and it's frustrating to see how many items hold a price tag over $100.00. At first it seemed like just a few specific items....now, in addition to furniture & accessories that is all expensive even for a good deal, we have baby decor & clothes and clothing for me, which is totally overpriced. $50.00 t-shirts??? I don't even spend that much on shirts normally! Alas I keep getting fatter, something about growing a child, and 5 multi-colored shirts and tanks that no longer cover my bulging belly just aren't enough to keep me feeling positive about the way I look. Poor Mr. Bear has enough reasons to keep me from crying and hating myself every morning shouldn't have to be one of them. So, we buy, and buy, and buy. A lot of money, and a lot of effort later, the condo is in shambles and I still cry a lot. It feels like it might never end and I seem to find more and more to add to the already huge list of things to do. Walking 3 flights of stairs at the end of a work day and then feeling like the whole place is out of order is really exhausting, for both of us.

I wish Mr. Bear and I could just jump on a very air conditioned plane and fly away to the beach somewhere....and that it could be free. I deserve it because I'm fat and tired and growing an Alien. He deserves it more because he is carrying a much bigger, and much less adorable, load than I.

Poor Mr. Bear. But lucky me, I couldn't wouldn't want to do it without him. Yes lucky me, and very lucky Alien.