In The City

Ahhh....it feels so good to be home. Well, I mean it would have felt good if it weren't for the souvenir I picked up in NYC in the form of sniffles, sore throat, & body aches. Now I'm in bed just begging the day to end. I don't get to take a walk with my baby. I can hardly enjoy playing with her because it hurts to enjoy anything. Being a mom when you are sick is tough.

Despite today's sickness I enjoyed a beautiful homecoming with my girl last night. She has a great weekend with my family filled with attention and adoration all directed at her. Being the center of attention is her favorite thing to do! I was anxious before I left about her taking a bottle (she always refuses it which is why we waited until after 1 year to take any extended time away from her) but the new Breastflow bottle I picked up worked wonders.

After that my anxiety shifted to nursing when we got home. Would she? I've heard of so many babies who just decide they are done when they have a couple days with a bottle. We walked in the door late at night to a quiet house. I went to put some comfortable clothes on so I could sneak in and pull her out of bed to nurse sleepily, hoping for more success. I'd pumped for over a month trying to build up my freezer stock of milk and I really wanted to continue nursing after I got home for at least another 8-12 months. When I walked out of the bathroom a sleepy smiling face greeted me at the door. Into my arms flew my little one, patting, hugging, & kissing me. Heaven! "Would you like nursies," I asked her? She patted my chest, her signal that yes, indeed, she did. We crawled into my bed and spent a glorious 5 minutes (speedy little bugger) snuggling while she nursed. It seems as though we are destined to continue, and I am so grateful.

As for NYC, well, it was wonderful. I discovered in the car that I'd forgotten my camera so we were stuck with Iphones and The Bear's SLR. Not exactly great tourist picture taking devices. I tried to force him into taking some self portraits on his phone but they just did not turn out. So....I have nothing to show for my trip except the happy look on my face as I type this.

We ate delicious Sushi, visited the Empire State Building at night (beautiful!), toured Liberty Island, ate pizza at Lombardi's (fresh motz, in house roasted red peppers, sauteed mushrooms, garlic spinach, & ricotta.....a foodie's dream come true!), & saw Mary Poppins on Broadway. We attempted the shopping scene, and bought lots of lovely handmade jewelry (a gorgeous blue topaz tension ring among other sweet finds in the Little Italy area just next to Soho) but I got discouraged when it was obvious that fashion savvy NYC doesn't market to chubby mom's who haven't lost all of their baby weight. I can count the number of women I know that are a size 23 on one hand (or one finger!) but every rack was filled with 22, 23 & 24 sizes, it was amazing to me that anyone could shop there at all. Even in my skinny days I could only fit my pinky finger in some of the clothes they sold. Defeated only for now I've vowed to return when I'm back down to my normal size.

Despite the mostly bad clothes experience I have to give a shout out to the Levi brand. There was a huge store right by our hotel and, always on the prowl for new jeans, The Bear and I went in. I found an incredible pair of skinny jeans, that I've been needing for boot wearing this winter, that actually came in my size and fit really well! They have different "curve" fits and it makes a big difference. I was shocked to pay over $70 for Levi's but it was worth it. The Bear got his own pair of jeans that actually make him look like there is a hint of a bum underneath all that denim. If you've ever seen him from behind you know this is a pretty huge deal! It wasn't exactly exciting NYC shopping but we went home happy.

So, here I am. Sick and more than a little exhausted, wasting my nap time on a long, wordy, blog post. To make things exciting I'll add in a couple yummy baby faced pictures of my Baby Bear playing. Did I mention how much I missed her this weekend??? I really did!

I'll See You in the Morning

As I sit here typing away my daughter is playing peacefully on her own. Which means she is NOT asking me to read slash sing Elmo's Twelve Days of Christmas fifteen times in a row. That's a pretty big deal since that has been her favorite book for the last couple of weeks. I'm not saying that I have an awful voice but let's just say that if I went to a church I probably would NOT be invited to sing with the choir. But Mad loves my singing voice and she's the most important judge in my world, just sayin. Either way, good voice or not, no one wants to hear the Sesame Street version of that annoying Christmas song so many times a day, or ever. The sacrifices I make.

Speaking of sacrifices...I have to sacrifice my Iphone to get her to do something other than read books, allowing me a few moments to sit on the couch. She loves talking on the phone and will jabber away to herself before handing the phone off to me to chat with whatever imaginary person is on the other line. It's her favorite. After books that is. And maybe after eating. This kid will consume more food than her 7 year old cousin! And she still nurses at least 5 times a day and twice at night! Yes, that means she still doesn't sleep through the night.

Oh the sleeping hell she puts me through. I know it's normal for some babies not to sleep through the night at this age but when everyone you know got their child to sleep at 6 months it's really depressing. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And maybe I am. At around 8 months I got her to sleep for about a month until she started working on all the rest of the teeth in her mouth at the same time as well as learned to move into a sitting position from her tummy. She was restless, uncomfortable and constantly pushing herself up so my previous techniques of calming her in bed stopped working. For a while we let her stay in bed with us, until she no longer wanted to sleep in our bed. Maybe I should have let her cry it out at that point but something inside me just didn't think that was the method to use with her and so I was back to nursing her twice a night. We do have really good nights though, which gives me hope, like last night. She went down at 7 with no issues and slept until 3:30 AM. If only I had gone to bed at 9! Of course she woke for the day at 6:50 AM and I was exhausted all morning. I blame the sun. Damn sunlight telling my offspring to wake for the day. Hate it.

I suppose my point in saying all of this (about sleeping issues) is that The Bear has booked a weekend NYC getaway for us in few weeks, without Baby Bear (!), and I really really want to have her sleeping well before then. I'll rest so much easier while I'm gone knowing that she is sleeping and not waking expecting mama nursies and getting a bottle and someone other than her mama (even if it is Grammy, a pretty awesome substitute). Not to mention that I have NO milk stored and so I have to pump enough for the three days and knowing that I don't have to get enough for 4 night feedings too would be a huge relief. I don't know how I'm going to get enough as it is since I haven't pumped since she was 4 months old.

Enough talk about my mom boobs. Can we return to the fact that I get to go away, ALONE with Mr. Bear, for a whole weekend?!?! I'm beyond excited and pretty nervous too. I know that a lot of parents take vacations alone during the first year of their child's life but I have only spent one night away from her when she was 4 months old and mostly all I did was sleep and then we were back together the next morning. Mr. Bear travels so much that not seeing her every day is normal. I feel like it should be easier for me but I can't stand to imagine my baby wanting me and not understanding why I'm not there for her. Likely she won't even realize I'm gone and that will make me sad too. Really though, I know that time time alone is truly important for my relationship with my Angry Bear and that is what I'm excited for. Plus NYC! Hello! We will have so much fun together. He has been there a lot but I haven't been since I was really young and I couldn't enjoy the things I can now...like drinks! Going out without having to come home and nurse the Baby Bear means I have a lot more freedom. And no curfew! Woo hoo! Now I just have to find some cute things to wear while we are there. What is a vacation without a cute outfit, or three?

Now my Baby Bear is napping, she is a great napper, and I am missing her. She's been extra lovey with me all day, smothering me with kisses and hugging me for no reason at all. Heaven! No wonder I'm afraid of how much I'll miss her! How cute is this picture of her watching the kids play in the water fountains in SLC? Cute! She always props her feet up like this and I just want to eat them for dinner. Yum.