And Then This Happened....

Introducing Jameson Bradley T., born 08-16-12 5:04 AM, weighing a whopping 10 lbs 3 oz

Sissy looks on as her brother hollers for milk

Napping on daddy's chest on day 2

She absolutely could not be more in love <3 babies="babies" br="br" my="my">

A Letter

My Dear Sweet Madeleine,

Every day now I wonder if this will be my last day with you, just you, my first baby. You seem less worried about it than I do and I think that you will be amazing. You wrap your sweet arms around my enormous belly and nuzzle your face in to me, whispering love to your baby brother or sister. You make sure baby always gets kisses goodnight and when you leave you ask if baby misses you when you are gone. It melts my heart, truly. People worry about how you will react, if you will be jealous, but I am not worried at all. I know you will be amazing; maybe a little rough around the edges, but amazing. This baby is oh so lucky to have you and I hope throughout your life you are always the one to love and protect him/her when mama and daddy aren't around.

You have grown so much this year, my love, and I almost don't recognize you. You have such interesting thoughts and you notice EVERYTHING. The other day you told me I was pissing you off! Oops, you got that one from your mama for sure. You eat.....and eat and eat and eat. Anything and everything you truly do not discriminate. Grapes, cheese, berries (raspberries, blueberries & strawberries), and most any other breakfast food is your most requested food when we head to the store. Carrots, pasta, chicken, "han-ger-ber-gers", "cados" (avocados), artichokes (I mean, what 2 year old knows how to eat artichokes? You! They are our family treat.), rice, peas, salad (yes! I am not kidding you love salad, especially caesar salad) any veggie, you name it. And every meal you are so sweet and grateful for what we have made for you, it melts my heart. Or chicken nuggets, fries, and mac and cheese? Yep you love that too when I let you have it. This Winter I will be buying you 4T clothing because all your clothes shrink in our house! Or you are growing so tall, but I don't like to think about that.

The energy you bring into our home is amazing, and a little exhausting for this mama, I won't lie. My favorite game to play at the end of the day is the running game. I tell you to run around in a circle 100 times and you just run and run until you get dizzy and fall down in a fit of laughter. You'll do acrobatics, ballet, and yoga on demand and still have energy at the end of it all. This past month you've learned that you love our slide out back (it was always a little scary for you before) and if the weather isn't too overwhelming (it's been a very hot Summer!) I will sit outside with you while you slide down the slide over and over and over again. It makes me smile.

Of course not every moment is as picture perfect as I would like to remember it. You have opinions, and will, and you are every bit as stubborn and your daddy and I put together. You never miss a word we say but if it isn't to your interest you simply choose not to listen. I get so frustrated asking you to NOT do the same things every single day and it doesn't matter how many times you might get in trouble for something, if you like doing it you will continue to do it.

Time is nothing to you, everything moves at your own very slow distracted pace. And if I want you to go somewhere or do something you don't really want to do it's amazing how many things you can come up with that you need to tell me, "mama MAMA I need to tell you something........" then you dart your eyes around thinking very hard about what it is, sometimes just repeating the first line over and over until you come up with something good. And when you leave the house without me, or daddy puts you to bed, you have several minutes worth of instructions to give as you head out the door or up the stairs, continuously coming back to tell me just one more thing. Daddy says it's my fault, I do the same thing when I have to leave you. I still miss you every minute you are away, even if you are naughty and exhausting.

So, you see, my little bug bug.....I love you so very much, even if I am not the perfect mama all the time. I kiss your hands when you sleep and savor the sound of your breath. I love your warmth next to me when we nap together, I hope that doesn't stop anytime soon. There may be a new baby in the house but YOU will always be my baby, my very first baby, that made me a mama and taught me what never ending, limitless, love was. I can't wait to watch you on this new journey.

Love always,
Mama

The Nursery

First of all, I'm 39 weeks (tomorrow, if we're being technical, and I usually take my pics a couple days late so who knows if I'll keep growing in the next two days) and this thing feels massive. I honestly don't feel like I've grown but when I compare pictures I'm kind of blown away. This belly is big. Real big. Anyway, I just wanted to get this thing out of the way.....

I'm too sexy to show my un-madeup face and fat arms

Now on to the main subject here. The nursery. I'm not a decorator by any means nor am I at all talented naturally when it comes to crafting and making things look good in a room. I try because I like having a cute house as much as the next girl (or guy!) but it takes a lot of work and thought for something that generally seems, meh, if you know what I mean. I can pick out cute stuff but putting it into motion, especially when it comes to hanging things on walls, is NOT my strong point.

So, that was my lengthy way of saying don't have too high of expectations when it comes to my nursery. I put so much thought into what I wanted in the room and how I really wanted it to feel. Which was pretty and clean. I don't have boatloads of money to spend or a professional designer bff or family member to help me out, I am working with a very small room, and of course there is the fact that I'm a little design challenged. All in all I am so happy with the outcome thus far, there are some other things to add, and I feel like it is truly what I was going for in this sweet little baby space.

The light in this particular room is terrible for picture taking at all times of the day. Trying to get this picture of the whole wall turned out terribly and it is quite grainy. It probably also doesn't help that I take all my pictures with my Iphone :/. That empty corner is just crying for a sweet little chair. However, my AngryBear bought me a beautiful printed reclining glider and it is going in our room since that is where I will be spending the bulk of our first months breastfeeding and rocking to sleep and I'm not about to worry about buying another chair at this very moment. So just imagine it. Also, I added a little hamper wire basket thing that is so cute but is not in this image. And the floor space....it will have a rug someday when I find the perfect one.

Whale print from Etsy, hooks from Michaels bought unfinished and painted

Baskets on clearance from Michaels, holding burp clothes, misc. baby items lotions etc, & cloth wipes and wetbags

Super sweet blanket basket from Home Goods

Yellow rimmed wire hamper from Home Goods

Dream sign from Michaels and spray painted, shelf from Home Goods

Mobile from Ikea, hanger thingy is a hanging plant hook spray painted

 The main focal point above the crib is the little lantern trio. I searched so many lantern designs in nurseries trying to get some inspiration but settled on just doing something very simple. Mostly because I only found these when I was ready to put stuff up, but I'm really happy I didn't do something more over the top. Mr. Bear is too......he just doesn't get it. I also try not to notice imperfections because it is absolutely not getting re-done, I can't care that much.

Sleepy print from Etsy, ikea crib, lanterns from Hob Lob that took entirely too long to hang

Sunshine pillow from Etsy

Please don't ask me why I am sharing a picture of this totally unorganized closet. It's awful. The point is to notice the super cute owl hanging next to it. I couldn't find the close up of it on my computer and it has to be included because I love it. It is a sweet little rod iron owl my lovely friend gifted to me and I've just never found the perfect spot for it (that thing about not being able to decorate walls....), until now that is. I spray painted it to match and am so in love. Eventually I'll have the closet brag worthy, but that could take another year.

So, that's it. I have a full wall, though not very long of a wall, that I am going to put a small table or mini bookshelf to hold a lamp, books, and some toys, and hopefully do a small picture frame gallery. That is another one of those projects for another day when I catch my breath again. The room is, as I said, very small, so I didn't want to overdo it with tons of details. If this baby happens to be a girl I have some fun ideas for girly magenta items that I'll throw in and over time the few things I mentioned will be added. But mostly I'm happy with it as is. And I am SO glad to have it done in time.

Now, we wait........

36 Weeks

I've hit week 36 of my pregnancy and honestly at this point all I have energy is nesting/cleaning (verrrry slowly and with a lot of strange noises as I try to breathe and bend at the same time), napping/resting, cooking and eating, and Maddie time. Leaving the house takes all of my energy and by the end of the day I'm a little grouchy, super whiny, and extremely physically exhausted.

I had a couple of free Maddie days which she spent at her Manna's house (Stephen's mom) and spent the majority of the days going through boxes of baby clothes....boxes and boxes and boxes.....sorting out what I could use for this baby regardless of gender, then sorting everything else by size. Exciting right?!? Anyway, I realized that parenting a toddler on top of growing and carrying a human inside of me is what really gets my energy. I look forward to the days when I can have both my babies on the outside and hopefully have the physical energy to make it through each day without wanting to cry.

On that same note I'm so nervous.....so nervous that I won't be able to give to both of my babies as much as I want. My sweet Maddie has this crazy energy that we can barely keep up with as it is and she loves to be the center of the world, for everyone. How do I make sure she doesn't go without but still give this new baby as much love and attention as I've given her? I know it's the question that so many mama's ask themselves and it just work itself out....but it's hard simply wondering.

This post is really just a bunch of personal thoughts but I wanted to get it out. Another post I want to write is all the things about my Maddie that I notice right now. Things that no one really cares about, I'm sure, except myself. I could write for days and new things would come up all the time......like how today she put her arm around the crying kitty, who wanted to go outside and play, and told her to zip it. My girl, a bossy boss already!

A few belly shots since I haven't shared since week 24. Yikes!

29 weeks

31 weeks

34 weeks

36 weeks (taken today)

To the Daddy of My (Our!) Babies

A pretty big chunk of the time that I've know, and loved, my AngryBear has been punctuated by his role as a daddy and co-parent to our daughter Madeleine. I consider myself pretty lucky for this fact because any less than perfect traits he might carry (which are pretty much nonexistent since he and I are both perfect, which makes us perfect together;) are easily overshadowed by his overwhelming ability to be an AMAZING father. Grrr grrrr I just tripped on a pair of cowboy boots for the tenth time today! Oh look,Stephen is snoring with our toddler nestled into the crook of his arms! What was I annoyed about again???

This is all to say that he is an incredible father and my love for him only deepens as I watch him love and parent our sweet baby (soon to be plural woo hoo!). Sometimes it seems I can actually feel my heart swelling when I see him with Maddie, loving her, teaching her, comforting her, it's just all so amazingly beautiful.

I truly have no shame in bragging about what he does as a father, I know he's unlike so many out there. I've never been left to deal with difficult times on my own. When Mad was a newborn he woke up several times almost every single night the first 4 months to change her diaper. A man who never had changed a diaper in his life could quite literally do it in his sleep! Seriously, sometimes he would do the diaper change then have a full conversation with me while I nursed her and not recall a single moment the next day. It was, and is, hilarious. Bath time has always been his specialty, I hardly ever hear a peep when it comes time to wash hair, and he is happy to let Mad splash and play for an extra long time when I would get tired and pull her out kicking and screaming. His most anticipated moment after she was born was for the day she would be able to wrap her arms around his neck and REALLY hug him. See? I just swooned while writing that! I am happy to report that he can't get out the door without a hug AND a kiss right smack on the lips from his girl. When I don't have the patience? He always does. When I don't have the energy? He finds a little extra to give. When I feel like it's all too much he is there with a pat on the back, letting me know that we're there together and eventually we'll make it through.

On top of all that is the fact that he works, day in and day out, to care for us, put a roof over our heads, put food in our bellies, and provide for us the things we need AND want without asking for anything in return. He doesn't complain he just does it all because he wants to, it's who he is. If there is no dinner on the table at the end of his long day? No big deal. No laundry? I barely hear a word about it. A mess everywhere he looks? Hey, it happens. He has never once asked me to do more than I do, he is just always grateful for what is done. A smile or hug is enough for him even though I know it would probably be nice to have a perfectly clean home and a wife who isn't pulling her hair out waiting for him to come home and share some of the "burden" on a difficult day (not to say life is a burden but I'd be lying if I said some days weren't more difficult and tiresome than others, if you know what I mean).

My Maddie, oh how she adores him. She wants to do everything that daddy does. When he heads out the door to go cycling she shadows him around the house getting all of his gear together, crouching down to watch him put on his shoes, holding his helmet until he's ready to put it on, sending him off with kisses and waves and the insistence that he "be so careful". Recently he was lookin at motorbikes to purchase and she was thrilled to sit on the back of each bike with him, her sweet little arms wrapped tightly around his waist, and offer her opinion on choices of color. After that day she has made all kinds of plans to have her own motorcycle to ride with him (a blue one, with a blue helmet). She really, truly, is his number one fan.

The day he brought his final choice home. She approves!

We're so lucky to have him. No blog post can adequately describe how it feels to have a man like my AngryBear as the father of my children. Knowing I get to spend my life loving our babies, and granbabies, with him at my side is enough to fill me up with so much happiness and love.

Happy Father's Day Stephen. Mad  & I KNOW how much you do and how special you are, even if we act like little brats sometimes and forget to remind you of how amazing we think you are every.single.day. like you deserve. Although it's a good thing we rarely act like brats..........

Easy Pesto Shimp Mini Pizza with Sauteed Onions and Herb Goat Cheese

So I'm supposed to be working on a little Disneyland share post. But there are a lot of pictures and words to choose from and I'm lazy. So, it is going to have to wait a couple more days until I have more than a minute to myself. Speaking of minutes, lately nap time means naps for this mama too but today, and the last couple days, my leg cramping is just out of this world and it's so hard to get comfy for sleep. Instead of the two things I should be doing, writing about my little bug's first magical trip to Disneyland or napping, I thought I'd share a quick post about the most delish quicky mini pizza I've ever made. It's so yummy and oh so easy I just had to share. In fact, I just had leftovers while my computer booted up. The bread was a little more droopy but still yum.

I saw this recipe on Pinterest. It's actually a pretty simple recipe as she has it but I don't have a Trader Joe's to buy pre-made dough from and rolling etc....well I'm just too lazy these days, it's kind of my thing. So I made a few adjustments using a flatbread pizza creation from The Pioneer Woman that I've done before. But this was way better than that first time.

Anyway, I buy Naan flat bread for this pizza that is in the perfect oval shape which I find in the bread aisle at our GOOD grocery store. I don't shop at Wal-Mart so I can't say if stores like that have good Naan bread but maybe? I also added sauteed white onions and tomatoes and the goat cheese I used was an herb goat cheese, so perfect for this recipe. I didn't know they were going to be so amazing when I started so I don't have any step by step pics, but the original recipe does, so feel free to use that (but really, add in the onions and tomatoes, it makes a world of difference).

For this recipe you need :
♥ Pizza dough or flatbread
♥ pesto (I highly recommend the Costco brand pesto if you were too lazy to plant basil this year....like me)
♥ goat cheese
♥ mozzarella cheese
♥ Shrimp aka shrimpies (that's how Mad and I say it)
♥ white onion
♥ fresh tomato
♥ garlic seasoning, Italian seasoning, & fresh ground black pepper

To start saute some halved and thinly sliced white onion in a pan of melted butter, yum, until they are fragrant, soft, and golden. This is my favorite step, onions in butter smells incredible (until you go to bed that night!). While they are cooking pre-heat the oven (she did 400 degrees but I only did 375 because I didn't need to actually cook the dough just toast and melt everything slowly) and smear your bread/dough with pesto. Also, slice up some tomato and grate the mozzarella cheese. When the onions are done spread them over the top of the pesto, as much or as little as you'd like. Add tomato, top with shredded mozzarella, and crumble goat cheese on top of that. Season now with fresh black pepper. Add a bit more butter to the same pan and toss in your shrimp, giving each piece room to cook. Quickly toss on some garlic and Italian seasonings and flip to the other side, cooking 30-45 seconds on each side, just enough to see them turn pink. Top your bread with the shrimp pressing them down a bit into the cheese mixture (in my opinion how you add the toppings really does make a big difference which is why I go into such detail about the order of it all) and put the pan into the oven. I don't think I specified but I just put the bread on a big cookie sheet to catch all the drips etc.

Now you can see how the layers really pay off. All the colors look so perfect and every bite has just the right amount of goodness.

Honestly the cooking time will really vary depending on the oven and your desired bread toastedness. If you used pre-made dough like the original recipe it should be about 20 minutes. Mine went for about 10 or 15 minutes; I just kept peeking at them and when the edges were golden and the cheese was bubbling I pulled them out. Admire how beautiful your mini pizzas are, post pictures on Instagram or Facebook so you can pretend to be domestic, and try not to burn your mouth and you shovel it into your mouth. Your kids will love this too, I swear. Maddie went crazy for it and even Stephen had one sans shrimp. I don't think I'll ever make mini pizza with regular pizza sauce again. I love pesto so much I might name my baby Pesto....with the middle name of goat cheese.

Now, please excuse me while I go print off a poster sized print of this pizza to put over my bed.

Belated Mother's Day Post

I really missed out on talking about Mother's Day, about how much I love being a mama to my sweet Mad girl and how excited I am to watch my first baby love this new baby. Maybe it's a cliche to be so happy "just" being a mama but if it is I don't care, I love it and I'm not ashamed to shout it from the roof tops, or the top of Facebook which is what I do on a daily basis. So I'll just give a little shout out right now.....belated as it may be.

Riding the carousel at the Zoo. I had to steal this from Stephen's FB page so forgive the blur.

 To be honest I never knew how much I would love it. When I was a kid it was just what every other little girl wanted to do, so I wanted it too. I loved babies, especially my sweet brown haired baby sister who I adored from the moment I saw her tiny face (I don't recall the birth of my other younger sister much but my parents say I adored her just as much), but as I got older I questioned my own ability to be a good mother. One with patience, one smart enough to teach her children all the things they need to know (I won't lie the thought of teaching my Mad how to read still petrifies me!), it all felt very intimidating.

So being thrown head first into motherhood really worked out well for me. I was better than I thought I'd be but old enough to know my struggles and I still have to work on them every single day. And that's it. I love it even when I want to pull my hair out. Because that is part of motherhood you know. I'm surprised my own mother has any hair on her head because God knows what hell we've all put her through.

On that note I'll say that I'm lucky to have had the best mother in the world because I'd probably be a lot worse than I am if I didn't have such an amazing example of what motherhood should be. I only wish she thought she was as amazing as ALL of her children do. Even if/when we don't show it the way we should.

I also missed out on a birthday post for my AngryBear. He deserved a great one because he is so wonderful. It doesn't take much for me to look around and see that I lucked out when he fell in love with me and put up with all of my nonsense (he still does!). Father's Day is coming up and I can't wait to give him a post that is deserving of him. Also, he is OLD you guys. That means in a few years I'll be old too. Not looking forward to it!

Maddie loves her daddy. Another stolen FB picture.