We Gave Thanks

This time of year always feels crazy. Even more so when you have a little bebe around to care for 24/7. It's nice because he gives me an excuse to slow down and love in the moment. I'm thankful for that....for him, for my babies, my family, my loves. That is what means the most to me this year.

Thanksgiving. His funny little tongue cracks me up!

She got her own tree, in her bedroom, this year.

One thing that has kept me grounded and sane lately is meal time at home. It isn't always easy to make a meal from scratch every single night but that is our goal and most nights we are successful. Sometimes I end up chopping veggies at an insanely slow pace while a baby is strapped to my chest.

He loves to be part of everything I do.

Other nights Mr. Bear struggles to entertain him, when all he wants is a boob and bed, so I can just get the food on the table. Most nights I set down a meal for my family and whisk our Mini Bear off to bed. I know my food is getting cold but I have learned that this time passes too quickly and there is no reason to be resentful of the time I have get to spend sitting, rocking, nursing, and kissing my baby. You would think that would be easy to do but the reality is, when you are mama, the day just keeps going while you sit, be still, and care for the little one. That means cold meals, or no meal at all, missed conversations, messy houses, and many other details of the day that we just have to be ready to skip out on at a moments notice. I struggled with that when I had Maddie. I hate to admit I felt that way but I didn't realize, at the time, how much I'd miss missing things just to be in quiet place with her, alone.

We napped

So when I haven't posted in a while....since that is what usually happens. I am probably doing dishes or caring for my loves (sweet AngryBear included). They are my heart, not just a part of it, ALL of it. I only wish I was better than I am at it.

Happy Holidays Interwebs!

Recap

Tonight I'm sitting up, alone. My babies are tucked snuggly into their beds (well, maybe not so snug for my little Prince with the no blankets rules etc), my sweet husband is snoozing (tomorrow is our anniversary, he must be anxious for it to begin!), and even the kitties are tucked into strange spots purring away. This is the time I have to think.....I replay my days.

Making dinner with a baby wrapped to your body takes practice.

 I scolded a squirrely Maddie several times....more than I would like. She was just tired and happy to be with us, maybe wanting some special attention, which for my little bug equals wild hysterics, rule breaking, and major meltdowns when things don't go her way. Our little Prince (Jameson Prince is Mad's nickname for him, so I'll go with it) had something causing discomfort and he would not nap for more than 5 minutes even though he was totally and completely exhausted. So, I rubbed some teething oil (clove oil drops in EVOO) on his gums, just in case, wrapped him up on my chest and we walked. His warm little head felt so good on my chest once he finally gave in to his exhaustion and fell asleep. We, very slowly, made dinner this way. I took my baby girl and tucked her into bed. When she finally fell asleep I kissed her cheeks and lips, obsessively my husband says, and whisper that I'm sorry I'm a grouchy mama and I love her so. I know later she will sneak down the stairs and into bed with her mama and daddy, her legs swinging over my waist, her face snuggled into a pillow that probably smells like me.

He watches everything she does. He loves her already.

Whenever the day is over I can remember all the wonderful moments and I wonder why I got so grouchy. Is it just the nature of being the mama? Of loving, caring for, cleaning up after, tending to constantly, that makes patience nearly non-existent? That makes the beauty of our life a little more difficult to see in the heat of the tantrum/moment?

They make me laugh. She adores him.

I looked at Jaime tonight and saw him toddling around the house, making messes with sister, sitting in a high chair eating food that my body doesn't personally provide for him, being naughty, growing right before my very eyes. And then I blinked and I saw my Maddie sitting in my lap. Big beautiful blue eyes laughing at everything I say, giving me big slobbery open mouthed kisses, sitting patiently while I kissed her over and over (I've always done this).

Even when he doesn't nap he is my angel baby. Truly, he lights up our lives.

She was only 1. Perfection. I wish I could have that moment back, just for a moment.

 I must be better. I love my babies so.

Happenings

My handsome hubby

The band was my birthday gift. I didn't think I could love my ring any more, but I do.

Beautiful birthday flowers from my sweet brother

She wants to wear her babies too

His little hands slay me *swoon*

My beautiful girl. This was such a good day.

Bedroom eyes, be still my heart

1-1-11

First of all...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2010 was amazing, I couldn't have asked for anything more in my life, so I don't have any hopes for 2011 being a "new" beginning or something more than what the last year of my life is for. I'm going to love this year just as much as the last, and just as much as the next, and the next. Although I do believe this year will be special in its own right and I'm really looking forward to it.

Now, as the Christmas hangover has finally subsided, I can talk about the holiday without wanting to cry/vomit/crawl under 1000 blankets and never come out.

It was pretty delightful. Mad Mads was a bit overwhelmed but loved opening and playing with her gifts, even if it took a couple of days to get them all open. A kitchen, baby dolls and a stroller, a complete set of the Disney Fairies (from the new Tinkerbell) in large and small sizes (thanks to daddy!), and, my personal favorite, a doll with a sling.


She wears the sling everywhere while doing everything. She slings and pushes her grocery cart. She slings and "cooks" up meals in her kitchen. She slings and pushes two other dolls in the stroller with her puppy in a purse on the handle. Pretty impressive mama I must say.



My one gripe is that the sweet sling doll came with a bottle. I know it shouldn't bother me but I just wonder when this world will see that we should stop training our children that babies are fed with bottles. As if it's so absurd to feed them any other way. Some mamas use bottles and so they should be able to buy bottles for their babies to play with....separately. There is nothing offensive in that. I don't need a special breastfeeding baby doll, I just wish they would let the children, and parents, decide what type of feeding accessories they play with. Anyway, tangent over.

As far as my spoiled self goes, I was spoiled. The Bear is all things sweet and thoughtful, and yes I think it's romantic to spend 20 minutes with a sales lady to pick out the perfect can opener. Because that is the kind of thing I appreciate. Honestly he could have given me a lump of coal and I would still have the greatest gift in the world from him. Something that I get to enjoy anew every.single.morning. My Mads. And the gift of mothering her all day, every day.

I guess among other resolutions I would like to make, because it feels good to set goals, especially when I am setting goals that I intend on following through with, is to enjoy my mothering life more. To feel less frustration on hectic days. To laugh instead of scold when she does the many naughty things that she does. I love her, and I love my life. I don't regret anything in my past and I don't want to wake up tomorrow and regret not enjoying and appreciating my every moment with her. I want to be better for her, so she can learn and love the mother that I am. The way that I love my own mother and try my best to emulate her in all the mothering that I do. Ok, emotional tangent over!




I'm going to post some additional pictures from Christmas, like the one of Mads delightfully eating the pear I buried at the bottom of her stocking (our official stocking tradition) and the incident of her nabbing daddy's trifle leftovers and running away gleefully.









THE END!!!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Tonight I was scrapbooking. Right, I know, not me. It was one of those that already has all the pages decorated and you just put pics on the open squares and throw some stickers on and act like you are totally crafty. So, I wondered why although I desperately WANT to be crafty, like when I thought I was going to make coasters from cute paper and tiles....RIIIIGHT, I totally suck at it. "What AM I good at?", I wondered to myself. Then I thought about the yummy batch of wipe solution I whipped up just this morning, with my little munchkin in a sling, and a load of diapers drying in the laundry room. Is cloth diapering a craft? I'd claim that it was but I've never use pre-folds so I just feel guilty saying so. Not to mention the raunchy mama's on Diaper Swappers probably think I'm a novice because I don't know all the acronyms.

But I'm good at being a crunchyish mama. Even if I don't know how to use pre-folds. I cloth diaper. Something that Mr. Bear and *ahem* Brother Bear (he's a ginger, so go figure ;) told me I would never stick with. I baby wear. Even though I sometimes just put her in her sling just for the fun of it because we have no place to go and a house that's too small to require the sling for household duties (does eating breakfast at the counter count???). I breastfeed despite all the obstacles I've encountered (I fully intend on posting about this and why, after all the difficulties I STILL deal with, I KNOW that it is worth it). We co-sleep.....and this is one that I think we are still coming to terms with. I have to give props to Mr. Bear because he is a crunchy daddy too! He couldn't do the sling but he loves the Bjorn, he supports my diaper addiction, and he is on board for co-sleeping...at least as long as Baby Bear is waking in the night.



Conclusion: I'm good at being a mama. The best kind of mama I know how to be. I also know how to make a kick ass cupcake from the box. I do them for every holiday.

*that is my Serena & Lily Market sling. I looooove it. & not just because it's pretty.