We Gave Thanks

This time of year always feels crazy. Even more so when you have a little bebe around to care for 24/7. It's nice because he gives me an excuse to slow down and love in the moment. I'm thankful for that....for him, for my babies, my family, my loves. That is what means the most to me this year.

Thanksgiving. His funny little tongue cracks me up!

She got her own tree, in her bedroom, this year.

One thing that has kept me grounded and sane lately is meal time at home. It isn't always easy to make a meal from scratch every single night but that is our goal and most nights we are successful. Sometimes I end up chopping veggies at an insanely slow pace while a baby is strapped to my chest.

He loves to be part of everything I do.

Other nights Mr. Bear struggles to entertain him, when all he wants is a boob and bed, so I can just get the food on the table. Most nights I set down a meal for my family and whisk our Mini Bear off to bed. I know my food is getting cold but I have learned that this time passes too quickly and there is no reason to be resentful of the time I have get to spend sitting, rocking, nursing, and kissing my baby. You would think that would be easy to do but the reality is, when you are mama, the day just keeps going while you sit, be still, and care for the little one. That means cold meals, or no meal at all, missed conversations, messy houses, and many other details of the day that we just have to be ready to skip out on at a moments notice. I struggled with that when I had Maddie. I hate to admit I felt that way but I didn't realize, at the time, how much I'd miss missing things just to be in quiet place with her, alone.

We napped

So when I haven't posted in a while....since that is what usually happens. I am probably doing dishes or caring for my loves (sweet AngryBear included). They are my heart, not just a part of it, ALL of it. I only wish I was better than I am at it.

Happy Holidays Interwebs!

Admitting the Good

How do you feel about holidays? Me, well, I've always been a little been angsty and ornery about events where whole families are all supposed to gather in one house and then be happy about it. You can see my past sufferings of holidays here, here & here. Although the reasons have changed since finding Mr. Bear and birthing my sweet daughter I still don't especially love the idea of being sequestered in a house with too many people (too many is more than just The Bear The Baby & myself) for several hours but I always end up enjoying myself.

And the thing is? I have SO much to be grateful for. Why, right this very moment I'm feeling thankful for french press coffee & Winnie the Pooh on dvd. Other things I'm so very thankful for?

♥ Mr. Bear. He brings so much good to my life. He is my rock and my best friend and he always seems to know just the right things to say when I'm feeling down. Plus he cleans up the dead mice.
♥ Mad Maddie. Her love and near constant affection (seriously, she can't sleep unless her head is placed right next to mine and her arms are wrapped around me) make me feel like I've done something right in this life.
♥  My parents & Mr. Bear's parents. We are SO grateful to have our families near us and even more grateful that we love and enjoy their company.
♥ A warm comfortable home that I love. Many are lucky to have basic shelter and I never want to take for granted the amazing place I get to call home. If we lost everything and I still had my family it would be enough but the thought that people all over the country have lost their homes this year makes me even more grateful that I have mine right now. 

I could go on. But I won't. I know there was nothing overly deep or introspective but right now I'm just feeling so grateful for this life and all the people that come with it.

My mama with my Mad on her first Thanksgiving

Happy Halloween!!!

Today we woke up to snow. Thanks November 1st for being the exact opposite of the month of October from the very start. It makes me appreciate how perfect October was, more than I already did.

Now for my Halloween photo dump. It was a perfect night in Utah for Trick or Treating. There were loads of kids and we got rid of almost all of our candy. I wish every year was like this. So. Much. Fun.

Last year as Tinkerbell. OMG she was so teeny tiny!!!

Snow White was actually a blonde

"Mo Canny!!!"

Escape from the mama

Scary daddy, impatient Maddie

A little nervous going to the first house

Tired eyes on my sweet girl

1-1-11

First of all...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 2010 was amazing, I couldn't have asked for anything more in my life, so I don't have any hopes for 2011 being a "new" beginning or something more than what the last year of my life is for. I'm going to love this year just as much as the last, and just as much as the next, and the next. Although I do believe this year will be special in its own right and I'm really looking forward to it.

Now, as the Christmas hangover has finally subsided, I can talk about the holiday without wanting to cry/vomit/crawl under 1000 blankets and never come out.

It was pretty delightful. Mad Mads was a bit overwhelmed but loved opening and playing with her gifts, even if it took a couple of days to get them all open. A kitchen, baby dolls and a stroller, a complete set of the Disney Fairies (from the new Tinkerbell) in large and small sizes (thanks to daddy!), and, my personal favorite, a doll with a sling.


She wears the sling everywhere while doing everything. She slings and pushes her grocery cart. She slings and "cooks" up meals in her kitchen. She slings and pushes two other dolls in the stroller with her puppy in a purse on the handle. Pretty impressive mama I must say.



My one gripe is that the sweet sling doll came with a bottle. I know it shouldn't bother me but I just wonder when this world will see that we should stop training our children that babies are fed with bottles. As if it's so absurd to feed them any other way. Some mamas use bottles and so they should be able to buy bottles for their babies to play with....separately. There is nothing offensive in that. I don't need a special breastfeeding baby doll, I just wish they would let the children, and parents, decide what type of feeding accessories they play with. Anyway, tangent over.

As far as my spoiled self goes, I was spoiled. The Bear is all things sweet and thoughtful, and yes I think it's romantic to spend 20 minutes with a sales lady to pick out the perfect can opener. Because that is the kind of thing I appreciate. Honestly he could have given me a lump of coal and I would still have the greatest gift in the world from him. Something that I get to enjoy anew every.single.morning. My Mads. And the gift of mothering her all day, every day.

I guess among other resolutions I would like to make, because it feels good to set goals, especially when I am setting goals that I intend on following through with, is to enjoy my mothering life more. To feel less frustration on hectic days. To laugh instead of scold when she does the many naughty things that she does. I love her, and I love my life. I don't regret anything in my past and I don't want to wake up tomorrow and regret not enjoying and appreciating my every moment with her. I want to be better for her, so she can learn and love the mother that I am. The way that I love my own mother and try my best to emulate her in all the mothering that I do. Ok, emotional tangent over!




I'm going to post some additional pictures from Christmas, like the one of Mads delightfully eating the pear I buried at the bottom of her stocking (our official stocking tradition) and the incident of her nabbing daddy's trifle leftovers and running away gleefully.









THE END!!!

Things I'm Loving

In no particular order (because I'm lazy and don't want to rearrange the pics to a particular order), these are some things I love today. I took a few shots tonight, on the fly, so I could post this. I could have (should have) waited until tomorrow so I could take them in natural light but, once again, I'm just too damn lazy. Besides, if it was as easy as saying I'd do it there would be a lot more posts on here lately. So, here you go!

Mads in a winter hat. Cutest.Ever.

Because I'm spoiled McSpoiledson my lover brought me home the ultimate in Lush gift boxes to make up for leaving me alone with an anxious dog, messy house, and satan's spawn our adorable and practically perfect daughter. I stash it in my closet where it can smell lovely every day and I can look and oooo and awwww and wish I could make it last forever.
More Lush, stashed on my closet shelves with the Nora Roberts books The Bear won't let me put on our book shelves. Yep, he's embarrassed. Aren't the colors so pretty (the Lush, not the books)?
My pretty little bench from Target that matches our bed perfectly. It also opens and has storage inside. Not tons of space, but enough. The sad part in this picture is the lack of pretty pillows on my bed. I have ideas of the perfect bed pillows so I'm slow accumulating them. Not to mention that pretty throws are expensive! Note the dark lamp on The Bear's side of the bed. Because he is traveling yet again.
My half decorated Target tree. I loaded the top half of the tree up with pretty/cheap ornaments because I have to leave the bottom emtpy due to little baby hands that like to grab. "Wow wow," she says when I turn the lights on.
My new little entryway bench. It's the perfect size and I'm so happy to have it. The baskets were even included and they are actually pretty nice. I don't sit here to read or drink my coffee but I didn't have anything to fill the other side of the bench!
Love these two. Just because they are awesome and wear things like this.

I love myself for finally buying, and prepping, my prefolds. And of course actually using them. This is a pretty great fold if I do say so myself. Too bad they don't always look so good!
The Angry Bear himself.....and our sweet doggie. Except when he yelps in the night after hearing Mad wake to nurse. The dog, not The Bear.
This face. I love scrunchie nose.
Her. This chair. Books. Bare legs in Winter. Blue eyes. Messy hair.

I love a lot right now. Things I don't love, and thus do not have pictures of, are :

♥ creepy noises in the dark house. There are a lot of them and it freaks me out some nights when I'm alone. aka tonight
♥ wind (probably a huge contributor to the creepy noises)
♥ my empty refrigerator
♥ work travel right before Christmas.
♥ work travel all the time (I know it's necessary but that doesn't mean I have to love it. This is just a "don't love" list, not an "I hate it" list)
♥ Staying up too late when I'm alone
♥ proper punctuation.

So, there you have it. Now I'm off to bed. Someday I'll have a better camera, better photo taking skillz (they are there, I just don't care to try), and the time and energy to take pictures during the day when I don't have to use a flash. Until then, this is what you get.

Halloween(ish)

When weeks go by it's obvious that blogging has become less off a priority in my life. A fact I hate, because I've always enjoyed writing, but when you have a toddling little one life becomes so busy with the chasing, picking up after, searching out, (because you turned your head to sneeze and all of a sudden you hear slamming of some drawer/door and, for the life of you, you can't figure out which room it was coming from so, begin frantic search) & comforting, that you forget about all the other things that you used to think you loved so much. At least that is what has happened to me. I've gotten used to cleaning the contents of my kitchen drawers off of the floor at least 5 times a day (not even kidding!) because that is the only way I can get a meal cooked. Then I have to clean the mess while she eats and once she's done eating I have to clean the mess from that while she empties the drawers, again. Really!

Thankfully Mr. Bear has been a huge (HUGE) help lately and at the end of every day, when we are both exhausted and ready to sleep, he helps me do one final clean up. We sweep away the abandoned remnants of vegetables and pasta that were tossed overboard when dinner started to get a little boring, scrub the dishes that were used as a food finger painting canvas, tuck the plastic spoons back in their drawers, remove the dolls/blocks from the cabinets, stow away the well loved books, fold the laundry (for the second time), and crash on the couch with a drink or ten. He even put her to bed one night while I was out helping my teenage sister find a costume, epic!

In between all of the chasing around we've been doing the typical October activities. Eating pumpkin pie. Oh, and pumpkin picking & costume wearing.


Originally I was going to get her a cute Pottery Barn costume. Then I realized that we weren't going trick or treating (good thing we didn't plan on it) and had no where to go so it would have been a waste. SOOOOO, I passed on spending a small fortune for fabric cut into cute shapes. We had a little Piggy outfit from Gap that we figured she could wear, even though the booties didn't fit and it was a game to see how many times she could pull the hat off, and it was perfect for handing out candy. Halloween was approaching and The Bear and I are out buying candy. I don't know why I walked down the crappy costume aisle (sparkles and cheap fabric that will probably fall of and rip by the end of the night) but I did and that's where I discovered a mini Tinkerbell outfit. Baby Bear adores all things Tinkerbell (thanks to daddy) and carries her Tinkerbell around the house all day long making her fly about (sound effects and everything) so wouldn't it be cute/funny for her to wear it while we hand out candy? I thought so and even though it was mostly too small, it was too damn cold to wear without undershirts and leggings (even indoors), she wouldn't keep the wings on, & she wasn't going "treating", she was the cutest fairy I've ever seen. The proof is in the pictures.



We would have taken her around the neighborhood with her cousins but Utah doesn't Trick or Treat on Sunday and Saturday was the coldest, rainiest, most awful day of the year so far. There were MAYBE 30 kids that came by the house so we have enough leftover candy to build small candy village. Ultimately Halloween was a major let down, despite our cute child. Hopefully the rest of the holidays will be better! Also, if you live in Utah and want some candy come on over!

Falling for Fall

Now that the sickness is gone things have calmed down. The last week was difficult, I was tired and ornery and it's safe to say I wasn't being the partner I needed/wanted to be, but it's over and a succession of really amazing days helps to forget it. And by forget I mean simply to stop obsessing over the details of what made that week so awful.

Fall has settled in here in Utah and Baby Bear and I are loving every minute of it. We go on relaxing, albeit short walks, open the windows so the house smells of fresh air, and enjoy the colors of the season. The colors around us are more gorgeous than I remember from years past. The burnt oranges and greenish yellows roll around the hills and give a crisp warmth to our Earth. I've never considered myself much of a seasonal decorator (for example, I'll decorate for Halloween but won't replace pillows candles, flower vases, etc. for each season) but this year I'm really wishing I had a seasonal decorations budget. I'd love to throw some Fallish pillows on the couch or have more surfaces to put up candles, garlands, pumpkins, and things of that sort. I have so much space to decorate in the future but right now, this season, I have a lot of empty corners and not enough places that can easily accommodate frequent decor changes.

However, I do have some space outside! I have a pretty small front porch and a couple little nooks out front which make it easy to fill and decorate. I've been coveting these yarn wreaths for well over a year now but at forty bucks, or more, a pop I knew that I could afford ONE for the whole year, not multiple wreaths, plus buying it wouldn't give me the satisfaction of figuring out how to do it myself. So this week I did it. I asked The Bear if I could spend $20 at the craft store, not sure what I was going to spend it on, and then I decided to go for it. It took me one day and even though I spent just a little more than the $20 planned I have a lot of extra Fall flowers to use in the future. I admit that it's a far cry from the beautiful wreaths on Etsy, but the idea is to get a feel for it and eventually they will get better. I can't wait to do one for Christmas!



Please excuse our awful front door. I hate it and hopefully will be able to at least sand it down and re-stain it before Winter. Door's are expensive!

It's What We Do & How We Do It

Baby Bear is napping. We're going on two days of napping more than an hour each nap. = Heaven! Mr. Bear just left again, off to New York City until Saturday morning when he returns. On Sunday night he flew to L.A., then to San Fran on Tuesday, home to us for Wednesday night to drop off presents and snuggle with me in bed for one night, and now he's gone once more. So I'm here, trying to make time to write while wearing new pink shoes and the prettiest of pretty new earrings. Mr. Bear spoils Baby and I. He says he doesn't care if Baby Bear wears jammies all day long but he must be lying because he has impeccable taste in baby clothes (and shoes too!). He also buys the best jewelry (see photo).



While The Bear has been gone this week Baby has learned to crawl up the stairs and call for her Dada in the morning. The first morning he was gone she woke up at 3:30, in my bed of course, and said, in the sweetest yell you've ever heard, "Dada? Daaaaada?". He wasn't there to answer. This morning she was up at 6:30 and sat up, climbed on top of The Bear and hollared, "Daaaaa. Dada.", it was lovely. For the next hour she crawled around the bed smacking her lips before moving in for the slobber fest that is her kiss. She completes this kiss by chomping down on my face with her razor sharp teeth. It hurts. A lot. Then she cackles and smacks her lips in search of her next victim. I may start waking up in the dead of night panicky because I can hear lips smacking, coming to claim my flesh. I have a child zombie only she hasn't yet broken skin.

Tonight it will just be the two of us again. Hopefully by the time The Bear is home we will know if we have a house yet. All I'll say is that we've found our home, the one I see us raising our babies in the for the foreseeable future, but the market is so complicated right now and it seems that all the forces are working against us successfully becoming home owners. Let me just say, it's not us, it's them. If I never hear the words "short sell" or "negotiating price" or "bank" ever again it will be too soon. Now I have to go mentally prepare myself for a hectic weekend of BBQing and extended family by taking three shots of tequila (kidding, sort of). Yayhoo.

I Can Feel the Peace Permeate the Air

Where have YOU been?!? That would be my response if anyone wondered why me and my wonderful blogging self hasn't delivered the usual bloggish hilarity this past week.

First of all, if you didn't know or if you are not from the United States of America (doubtful since my readership consists of my sister, all my friends (3 people)...and me) last Thursday was Thanksfornothinggiving and I was not at work for 5 whole days. Yep, real whole days...and one half.

My Thanksfornothinggiving was just the same as all the other obnoxious dinners had at the Parental's home. We sat at the table and yelled loudly to out speak each other, after a toast to our beloved Uncle who passed away this year, and when we were done I took a nap..... The kids built forts out of toys that took up the entire living room. I sat in the dark with my sister and had a Thanksfornothinggiving celebratory smoke. Celebratory because I made it through one more Thanks for NOTHING year.

My ungratefulness is despicable, I realize this. It isn't that I'm not grateful for the beautiful things in my life. I have a lot to be grateful for and I had a long chat with Baby Jesus that night letting him know how happy I am for all the goodness that he has graced my existence with. It's just that holidays remind me of the past which I prefer to keep in THE PAST. They remind me of my many failures and I'm still trying to keep up the facade that I am AWESOME and have never failed at anything. It's a hard image to keep up when I generally fail at everything. I totally failed life this year and I wouldn't care to celebrate it.

Secondly (don't forget I'm giving you reasons for being absent last week) I have been working. Yeah, I'm a worker. I love it! It's awesome. Almost as awesome as me. I miss lists so I'm going to make a short list about all the AWESOME things that come with working 2 jobs.

Come back soon!!! kthanksloveyoubye