A Sleep Story

A week, or two, ago I wrote a post about sleep. Not my sleep, though I am involved, but baby/toddler/kid sleep and what "they" do and don't tell you to expect and what of all that is actually true, in my humble experience. But as I wrote it just all got jumbled and I lost what I was really trying to say. Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me all the time. So I bagged it and didn't write anything for a while. Luckily for me I'm not a real blogger so this is totally ok.

I have been wanting to write about sleep though and I really am going to do it, right now. Our battle with sleep has been long and difficult. It's caused many tears and fights and worries about if I am doing anything right at all. Just last night The Bear walked down the stairs and gave me "the eyes" from the doorway. "What's wrong?" I asked, or something to that effect. "She's still awake," he growled, not really at me but at the Universe in general, or maybe at me but if that's the case I'm oblivious & also I shouldn't be saying so on my blog. "Send her down to me but tell her she's sleeping in the little bed."

Passed out on the couch, mama bed napping with the kitty, sleeping on the floor of her bedroom, sleeping in her bed with her favorite napping blanket. P.S. we have gotten rid of the binky since some of these pictures were taken

 The little bed is an Ikea crib mattress that sits on the floor, with sheets blankets and pillows, next to my side of the bed. The intention was to get her out of our bed with the hopes that she might tire of sleeping on the floor and start going back to sleep in her own bed. Some nights she doesn't ask to sleep in our bed with us at all she just come down, wakes me for good measure, and gets comfy somewhere on the floor and sleeps the rest of the night. Other nights she asks to get in bed with us and cries if I say no. Then she asks for water, medicine (because she likes the idea of something being wrong to add to her drama), hand holding and songs and I give her all but medicine unless of course there really is something wrong.

The Little Bed. It's a great play spot during the day when mama needs to rest. 

 So, most nights we get the bed to ourselves and it has vastly improved my quality of sleep. With Mr. Bear I'm never quite sure because even if I hear him snoring all night long he never seems to have gotten the right amount or type of sleep he needs to feel rested. Sometimes I still let her in my bed, because I can't lie and say that I don't love it when we can all get comfy. She is soft and warm and when she is snuggled in our bed on a good night we don't wake at all until morning which means I feel more rested. I worry about what happens when the little baby arrives and takes the coveted spot at my bedside in the little co-sleeper. Hopefully she and Mr. Bear are both ok with the transition to his side of the bed.

Napping in mama's bed after an afternoon outing, family naps on the weekend, the snuggles that make all the difficult times worthwhile.

With all the difficulty we have faced there remains the silver lining which is nap time. It's not always easy to get her to go down, in fact, just the other day we had a face off that is terrifying to recall. Usually this only happens when she is overtired and expecting something fun like visits from friends or a Grammy night. Anyway, no it isn't always a walk in the park but the days of missed naps are few and far between and I'd say that even with the struggle the nap is well worth it. For her and for me. She knows to expect it and I think some days she actually looks forward to it. She'll be 3 this September and I know nap time is going to fade into a distant memory eventually but hopefully not too soon. My girl who wakes at least once every night and is up with the sun every morning needs that extra hour or two of sleep and I savor every snuggle I get with her during these times.

So, that is our current sleep story. What's yours?

Counting Sheep

It's no secret that bed time in our house is a nightmare. Not so much the initial going to sleep process, many nights Baby Bear crawls right out of my arms into her cozy bed and kicks me out, but the whole sleeping through the night thing. While she was teething her most recent molar she screamed every time I tried to put her back in her own bed after nursing in the middle of the night. It was exhausting and the only way she wanted to sleep was snug in my arm on the bed that sits next to her crib, lets be honest, porta crib (we bought a full size co-sleeper and just lowered it rather than spending the money on a huge A crib we didn't have room for before the move). Then came the hives and two days of being in our bed, sleeping with her hands entangled in my hair, feet propped on my belly, head snugged on my super comfy pillow (that I've hoarded since I was a teenager, it's the best and even The Bear knows it), ruined her. She went from not sleeping well in our room to LOVING the family bed. She's always loved to snuggle in bed with us but for a few months she was just too excited and wiggly to fall asleep.


For me it's just easier to bring a crying baby into bed with us because I know she'll sleep the rest of the night and the thought of using the nightstand as a pillow is sometimes better than trying to constantly go to a baby who flips every time I put her back down. It's easier emotionally anyway. Most mornings I wake up pretty sore but not exhausted. The Bear, on the other hand, doesn't love it. He rarely complains, about anything I do, but inside it's there. The thought that never again will he ever let a child co-sleep with us. He likes our bed to be for us. He likes to be the one to curl up on my pillow with his face pressed into the back of my neck. It's his territory and he likes it that way.

I don't know what the future holds for us and our sometimes family bed. I know that the thought of fighting a child on sleeping with us if that's what they really really want is hard for me. I hate letting Baby Bear cry because I'm so tired of rocking, for hours on bad nights, while she sleeps in my arms that I have to just put her down and go to bed. I hate that she still struggles so much when it comes to sleeping at night.

I know that she is more attached to me than ever and that only seems to be increasing. She comes over to my arms for a cuddle often through out the day while playing. She just needs to rest her head on my mama chest for a moment to be reminded that I am there. When she is sleeping peacefully next to me, stirring and reaching out to wrap her arms around my warm body, I know I am doing what humans did with their children for centuries before the invention of cribs, crying it out, and houses big enough for designer nurseries. And...it feels right. I wish it didn't. It's a subject of disagreement for us and it would be easier if, just once, I could roll over and do what The Bear thinks is best instead of getting all emotional and maternal while I over analyze what sort of damage I might be doing to my child if I let her "manipulate" us on sleep routines or don't. I hate that word, manipulate. No one has successfully convinced me that a baby crying because being with mama is the best feeling in the world and nothing compares to that sort of emotional and physical euphoria is manipulation.

I just read this really great blog on Babycenter about this very subject, which prompted my post. I've read her blog before and I love it. She has a great writing style and I love the French thrown in here and there.

I have to mention that since her molar is in and another hasn't begun to break yet she has been doing better at night. She slept through the night once and has gone down like an angel every other night waking to nurse but going back to bed immediately and not making any fuss whatsoever. Maybe this is her meeting us in the middle. Simply on her own terms. So like her mother.....

A Few of My Favorite Things

Tonight I was scrapbooking. Right, I know, not me. It was one of those that already has all the pages decorated and you just put pics on the open squares and throw some stickers on and act like you are totally crafty. So, I wondered why although I desperately WANT to be crafty, like when I thought I was going to make coasters from cute paper and tiles....RIIIIGHT, I totally suck at it. "What AM I good at?", I wondered to myself. Then I thought about the yummy batch of wipe solution I whipped up just this morning, with my little munchkin in a sling, and a load of diapers drying in the laundry room. Is cloth diapering a craft? I'd claim that it was but I've never use pre-folds so I just feel guilty saying so. Not to mention the raunchy mama's on Diaper Swappers probably think I'm a novice because I don't know all the acronyms.

But I'm good at being a crunchyish mama. Even if I don't know how to use pre-folds. I cloth diaper. Something that Mr. Bear and *ahem* Brother Bear (he's a ginger, so go figure ;) told me I would never stick with. I baby wear. Even though I sometimes just put her in her sling just for the fun of it because we have no place to go and a house that's too small to require the sling for household duties (does eating breakfast at the counter count???). I breastfeed despite all the obstacles I've encountered (I fully intend on posting about this and why, after all the difficulties I STILL deal with, I KNOW that it is worth it). We co-sleep.....and this is one that I think we are still coming to terms with. I have to give props to Mr. Bear because he is a crunchy daddy too! He couldn't do the sling but he loves the Bjorn, he supports my diaper addiction, and he is on board for co-sleeping...at least as long as Baby Bear is waking in the night.



Conclusion: I'm good at being a mama. The best kind of mama I know how to be. I also know how to make a kick ass cupcake from the box. I do them for every holiday.

*that is my Serena & Lily Market sling. I looooove it. & not just because it's pretty.