A Sleep Story

A week, or two, ago I wrote a post about sleep. Not my sleep, though I am involved, but baby/toddler/kid sleep and what "they" do and don't tell you to expect and what of all that is actually true, in my humble experience. But as I wrote it just all got jumbled and I lost what I was really trying to say. Does that ever happen to you? It happens to me all the time. So I bagged it and didn't write anything for a while. Luckily for me I'm not a real blogger so this is totally ok.

I have been wanting to write about sleep though and I really am going to do it, right now. Our battle with sleep has been long and difficult. It's caused many tears and fights and worries about if I am doing anything right at all. Just last night The Bear walked down the stairs and gave me "the eyes" from the doorway. "What's wrong?" I asked, or something to that effect. "She's still awake," he growled, not really at me but at the Universe in general, or maybe at me but if that's the case I'm oblivious & also I shouldn't be saying so on my blog. "Send her down to me but tell her she's sleeping in the little bed."

Passed out on the couch, mama bed napping with the kitty, sleeping on the floor of her bedroom, sleeping in her bed with her favorite napping blanket. P.S. we have gotten rid of the binky since some of these pictures were taken

 The little bed is an Ikea crib mattress that sits on the floor, with sheets blankets and pillows, next to my side of the bed. The intention was to get her out of our bed with the hopes that she might tire of sleeping on the floor and start going back to sleep in her own bed. Some nights she doesn't ask to sleep in our bed with us at all she just come down, wakes me for good measure, and gets comfy somewhere on the floor and sleeps the rest of the night. Other nights she asks to get in bed with us and cries if I say no. Then she asks for water, medicine (because she likes the idea of something being wrong to add to her drama), hand holding and songs and I give her all but medicine unless of course there really is something wrong.

The Little Bed. It's a great play spot during the day when mama needs to rest. 

 So, most nights we get the bed to ourselves and it has vastly improved my quality of sleep. With Mr. Bear I'm never quite sure because even if I hear him snoring all night long he never seems to have gotten the right amount or type of sleep he needs to feel rested. Sometimes I still let her in my bed, because I can't lie and say that I don't love it when we can all get comfy. She is soft and warm and when she is snuggled in our bed on a good night we don't wake at all until morning which means I feel more rested. I worry about what happens when the little baby arrives and takes the coveted spot at my bedside in the little co-sleeper. Hopefully she and Mr. Bear are both ok with the transition to his side of the bed.

Napping in mama's bed after an afternoon outing, family naps on the weekend, the snuggles that make all the difficult times worthwhile.

With all the difficulty we have faced there remains the silver lining which is nap time. It's not always easy to get her to go down, in fact, just the other day we had a face off that is terrifying to recall. Usually this only happens when she is overtired and expecting something fun like visits from friends or a Grammy night. Anyway, no it isn't always a walk in the park but the days of missed naps are few and far between and I'd say that even with the struggle the nap is well worth it. For her and for me. She knows to expect it and I think some days she actually looks forward to it. She'll be 3 this September and I know nap time is going to fade into a distant memory eventually but hopefully not too soon. My girl who wakes at least once every night and is up with the sun every morning needs that extra hour or two of sleep and I savor every snuggle I get with her during these times.

So, that is our current sleep story. What's yours?

A Chance to Change?

Lately I've been wondering a lot about my thoughts and ideas on parenthood and how, if I get the opportunity to do it again from the very beginning, I would do it differently (I am so so so NOT pregnant, not for a while I hope, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it).

First of all I would find a fairy to grant me three wishes and every single one of them would be that The Bear and I would agree on all parenting issues. That would basically have solved ALL of our contention the past 2 years of our lives together. I hate knowing that if we disagree one person is going to feel that they "lost" and perhaps their parenting opinions don't matter as much. Mostly that would be The Bear. He knows it and I know it. I don't love that it is that way but I'm not foolish enough to deny it. Somewhere in my heart I believe that if we both had supported* each other a little more the difficult months would have been easier to move through. I wouldn't have felt like I was constantly searching for a way that we both agreed with and just stuck to the same thing from day 1. There is no going back but I hope if we do it again some day there will be less debate on how and what to do and more action. Consistent and calm action.

Secondly, and this is a big one, I would stop WONDERING, out loud mostly, how to make my child do what I wanted and expected. The wondering led to discussions, which led to disagreement, which led to attempts at other ways, which led to frustration, which led to more disagreement, and ultimately led us back to the same thing I was doing in the first place. If I just did what my heart told me was right, without the tears (my own) because things weren't perfect and complaints of exhaustion and frustration, we would have moved through with less contention and those long months wouldn't  have dragged on and on. I hate recalling all the conversations wherein I analyzed every little thing she did trying to figure out the best way to parent her (sleep, let's be honest, I've stressed about sleep this.entire.time). I would have been so much happier if I just stopped talking about it. In the end I am who I am and I can no sooner let her cry for hours on end when she just wants me close to her than The Bear can stop eating cake pops from Starbucks. It's part of who we all are...compulsive cake pop eating and all.

Sleeping with all of her things

Thirdly? Stop trying to control everything. I'm a control freak when it comes to my beloved daughter, I can't deny this even though I feel a little ashamed from time to time. Next time around I think it would ease a lot of that new baby pressure if I didn't freak out quite so much. Chances are The Bear is not going to snap her neck when he pulls her out of her bed for a diaper change but according to me it's a miracle Mad survived the first 6 months when he was in charge of her care. I won't stop missing my babies when I am away from them for even a moment, I won't stop sending huge lists of "how to's" when they go to Grammy (my mom) or Manna's (his mom) house, I won't stop describing every detail of how I get them to sleep, I won't stop loving them with every inch of my being....but I really hope that I can leave The Bear with our new baby without agonizing over the fact that he doesn't do things exactly the way that I do. Mad is proof that he did something right (a lot of things) because never has a little girl loved her father more than my Mad loves her daddy. He is the first person she looks for in the morning and business trips are getting so difficult now that she spends half her days asking "where he is?" until the moment he walks through the door. I love that because I love him so much too, so I totally get it. We both like shoes, shopping bags full of new stuff, and an AngryBear. Twinners!

But....if I didn't change a thing? Well, I have to think that despite all my (many) flaws I must have done something right. Because I made this (with a little help ;) and I think she is pretty.damn.amazing.

Playing in her hut. She loves this thing.

*The fact is, The Bear was so supportive of me and my choices, even when they didn't line up AT ALL with how he thought things should be done or what he was used to in his family. He might not always understand what I do, or why I do it, but he will always defend me. I really love that about him and it is just one more reason why I am so lucky to have him. I was the one who struggled to support any way of doing things that wasn't MY way. So, I fail, I'm working on it. I promise.