Days Like These

When Mad wakes from a nap I like to let her play in bed for a while before I go to get her. Why? Well, mostly because she will and it gives me a few minutes to finish up whatever I'm in the middle of doing (usually a shower or dishes), and also because who am I to disturb a cheerful baby who is playing happily by herself? I like to wait until she has decided she is done playing and starts to call for me. "Mama? She says. And then it is followed by a long string of loud, "mamamamamamamamama"'s. I love it. I pop my head in the door and she jumps up and down in her bed with the biggest most delicious grin on her face.

Kinda like this, only maybe a little bigger because you can't see her rabbit teeth in this one, looking way too big for her (or my) own good.

Then, once she's in a fresh diaper and sometimes even wearing a real outfit (getting dressed is overrated you know) we head out to play, have a snack, listen to music, read books...all that good stuff. That means all that extra time I had to finish my cleaning is about to be undone because this kid is a whirlwind. And it's not just toys. It's everything! Laundry is her favorite item to spread throughout the house. Diaper laundry especially.

She inherited her father's strange fascination with putting everything she can find on her head. Sometimes if she can't get it to stay she gets annoyed so I help her secure it on top of her crown, but usually I just glance over and there she is with a diaper/lap top sleeve, toy bag, bowl, perched up there and a big grin on her face. I laugh hysterically which only encourages this behavior.

During meal time it's a constant battle on who gets to feed her. Me, the mama with capable hands, or her the BABY with spastic movements and no aversion to having food smothering her from top to bottom.


This picture makes it look like she's mastered the spoon. Let me assure you, based on my kitchen floor after lunch this afternoon, that she certainly has NOT!

When she gets filthy dirty I give up the battle and just let her be as nature intended. I admit it's selfish of me because this view is just about the most adorable in the entire world.

Now, and also a hint at what she will look like as an 80 year old lady.

At the end of the day she smothers us with love before it's time for jammies. Daddy gets the extra special loves as she's a world class daddy's girl. I mean, he might as well start filling up her closet with shoes and designer jeans because he'll never say no to his little girl. Never.


And that, dear friends, is what life is like these days. I want it to never end. Except at 10 PM then I want to sleep allllll night long. I think it's the Summer. I can't imagine Winter being this lovely.

I'll See You in the Morning

As I sit here typing away my daughter is playing peacefully on her own. Which means she is NOT asking me to read slash sing Elmo's Twelve Days of Christmas fifteen times in a row. That's a pretty big deal since that has been her favorite book for the last couple of weeks. I'm not saying that I have an awful voice but let's just say that if I went to a church I probably would NOT be invited to sing with the choir. But Mad loves my singing voice and she's the most important judge in my world, just sayin. Either way, good voice or not, no one wants to hear the Sesame Street version of that annoying Christmas song so many times a day, or ever. The sacrifices I make.

Speaking of sacrifices...I have to sacrifice my Iphone to get her to do something other than read books, allowing me a few moments to sit on the couch. She loves talking on the phone and will jabber away to herself before handing the phone off to me to chat with whatever imaginary person is on the other line. It's her favorite. After books that is. And maybe after eating. This kid will consume more food than her 7 year old cousin! And she still nurses at least 5 times a day and twice at night! Yes, that means she still doesn't sleep through the night.

Oh the sleeping hell she puts me through. I know it's normal for some babies not to sleep through the night at this age but when everyone you know got their child to sleep at 6 months it's really depressing. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And maybe I am. At around 8 months I got her to sleep for about a month until she started working on all the rest of the teeth in her mouth at the same time as well as learned to move into a sitting position from her tummy. She was restless, uncomfortable and constantly pushing herself up so my previous techniques of calming her in bed stopped working. For a while we let her stay in bed with us, until she no longer wanted to sleep in our bed. Maybe I should have let her cry it out at that point but something inside me just didn't think that was the method to use with her and so I was back to nursing her twice a night. We do have really good nights though, which gives me hope, like last night. She went down at 7 with no issues and slept until 3:30 AM. If only I had gone to bed at 9! Of course she woke for the day at 6:50 AM and I was exhausted all morning. I blame the sun. Damn sunlight telling my offspring to wake for the day. Hate it.

I suppose my point in saying all of this (about sleeping issues) is that The Bear has booked a weekend NYC getaway for us in few weeks, without Baby Bear (!), and I really really want to have her sleeping well before then. I'll rest so much easier while I'm gone knowing that she is sleeping and not waking expecting mama nursies and getting a bottle and someone other than her mama (even if it is Grammy, a pretty awesome substitute). Not to mention that I have NO milk stored and so I have to pump enough for the three days and knowing that I don't have to get enough for 4 night feedings too would be a huge relief. I don't know how I'm going to get enough as it is since I haven't pumped since she was 4 months old.

Enough talk about my mom boobs. Can we return to the fact that I get to go away, ALONE with Mr. Bear, for a whole weekend?!?! I'm beyond excited and pretty nervous too. I know that a lot of parents take vacations alone during the first year of their child's life but I have only spent one night away from her when she was 4 months old and mostly all I did was sleep and then we were back together the next morning. Mr. Bear travels so much that not seeing her every day is normal. I feel like it should be easier for me but I can't stand to imagine my baby wanting me and not understanding why I'm not there for her. Likely she won't even realize I'm gone and that will make me sad too. Really though, I know that time time alone is truly important for my relationship with my Angry Bear and that is what I'm excited for. Plus NYC! Hello! We will have so much fun together. He has been there a lot but I haven't been since I was really young and I couldn't enjoy the things I can now...like drinks! Going out without having to come home and nurse the Baby Bear means I have a lot more freedom. And no curfew! Woo hoo! Now I just have to find some cute things to wear while we are there. What is a vacation without a cute outfit, or three?

Now my Baby Bear is napping, she is a great napper, and I am missing her. She's been extra lovey with me all day, smothering me with kisses and hugging me for no reason at all. Heaven! No wonder I'm afraid of how much I'll miss her! How cute is this picture of her watching the kids play in the water fountains in SLC? Cute! She always props her feet up like this and I just want to eat them for dinner. Yum.

But Oh oh Those Su UH mmer Nights

Somehow the Summer has flown by and here we are mid-August just weeks away from Autumn and just weeks away from my little baby's birthday. I'm not ready for either. I have a feeling that my little sun lovin girl isn't going to be too pleased when there is snow on the ground. If she is anything like her mama and daddy she will prefer bare toes and the sun on her skin all her life (no winter sports for us, unless you count bubble baths a sport).

For the last few months I have not been able to find my camera cord to upload pics so mostly this is a completely pointless post of image overhaul. I have no idea what order I uploaded these in (wish Blogger had a better photo organization system....) but mostly they are pictures of Mad, she's easy to spot! Wish that having a baby didn't put me into such a writer's block. I've lost all my humor and wit (did I have any before?). I may not be a deep philosophical writer like my sister or father but I always thought this blog wasn't too awful to read. Now, ugh, unless you love pictures of the same person (and a damn cute person at that) and hearing me rant about how disorganized my home is (STILL!!!) it has turned rather blah. Someday I'll work on that by getting my life more exciting.











This last one is of Mad and her Uncle Bri. It's pretty much my favorite picture of the day.

Lazy Days?

The summer is passing too quickly and I fear that if I focus too much on it ending, it will already be over before I enjoy these last weeks. And by enjoy I mean totally overwork myself in an attempt to get our house/yard/life organized and beautified by Mad's (if Mr. Bear is the original Angry Bear then our Baby Bear, who will soon not be the babiest of baby bears, can be my Mad Bear, since Mad is what I call her at home. Though I can't say I'll let go completely of my Baby Bear nickname anytime soon, or ever at all) 1st birthday. Birthday + party = people in my house.

I don't want my family and friends who haven't seen this place yet to think we're those awesome neighbors with dead grass. That might be what we are now but after this past weekend we are the awesome neighbors with dead grass and new randomly placed plants. Plus some piles of old ugly mulch that we are trying to get rid of (there is a lot of it!).

Rewind for just a minute. Can you believe this little imp is going to be 1? ONE!



Basically since buying the house I've worked my body to the bone and found even more energy than I ever realized I had. I can cook, clean, care, AND do yard work. Except on the days I work in the yard it's nearly impossible to get anything else done. I spent almost all day Saturday & Sunday outside trying to get the front yard ready for new grass. I'm sunburned and sore but we made progress. Unfortunately when I work in the yard I miss this little lady as she buzzes around the house doing what she does. Have I mentioned that she will be 1 in two months? I'm not ready for it. Already she feel so big in my arms when I nurse her. My sweet sweet baby.

This is her being a bookworm. She loves to read just like her mama and daddy.

You Have it & Then You Don't

Truly it has been an overwhelming feat getting adjusted and settled, neither of which I've done completely yet. Each morning I'm pulled in 3 directions. Play with baby, clean the house, or organize and unpack what is left in boxes. There is so much to do every day that I just start everything at once. We play on the floor for two minutes before I plop Baby Bear into her high chair and get out some breakfast dishes. Then I fold the laundry, after giving Baby something to make noise with of course, wash two dishes, and finish breakfast. When Baby Bear goes down for her first nap I am pulled in two more directions. Finish the chores I halfheartedly started, or shower because, lets be honest I look pretty awful. Before I realize what exactly I'm doing I find myself outside dressed in cotton shorts, my night nursing bra hanging out of a tank top, and an over sized cardigan, watering our practically dead trees. Once the trees are watered (thank God I took care of that urgent chore!?) I go into overdrive trying to finish what I started.

I won't lie, my house looks incredible for, oh, about 10 minutes every day. But don't you know that once you clean a mess up it's cause for making another? It's true. Breakfast mess gives way to lunch mess which is simply a prelude to the massive dinner mess. I can get the first two cleaned up fairly quickly and the third I'm working on. Working really hard, can't you tell? I suppose I should congratulate myself on making meals at all! The last couple of months, er since I was about 5 months pregnant, I've been slacking in the cooking department. I've made a small handful of meals but in truth The Bear has really been doing the bulk of the cooking or we have just been eating out. No more. I am truly striving to be the perfect housewife & mother. Next thing you know I'll be wearing dresses and low kitten heels while I cook in my lacy apron instead of too big rolled up jeans and a t-shirt that accentuates my postpartum belly.

I want to be that woman who has a hot meal ready when her man walks through the door. But who the hell are those women anyway? Robots? Do their babies not demand attention? Do they have a magical shower that also cooks meals and does laundry when you turn them on? Maybe I've yet to master the art of manipulating space and time. Could someone please send me that "how to" book? I keep reassuring myself that I'll get the hang of it, That I won't feel like I have to constantly choose between a shower and a clean house, time with my daughter or cooking a fresh healthy meal, sanity or complete and total INSANITY! Alas, today I am still struggling to figure it out. A hot shower not followed up by hair styling, a meal that took far too long and tasted far too mediocre, folded laundry that never found its way to the closet. I suppose I now know where to start tomorrow morning.......

*Here are some pics of Baby this last week. And no, I don't usually leave remotes and cords hanging around. Oh the joys of unpacking!

Home Sweet Home

It's 8:45 AM and Baby Bear is already down for her first nap. There is a garage full of boxes that I should be going through and a kitchen to clean. My bed needs to be made and one would think I'd take this quiet time to shower and dress for the day. But I'm exhausted. More than anything I want to nap but I fear it will be even more difficult to wake in an hour when nap time is over. My eyes burn today, more so as I think of the hours ahead.

We aren't yet settled enough that I have coffee waiting to brew so my mind is lagging this week. About mid afternoon, when my body is ready for sleep, my mind finally seems to catch up. I scratch my head and look at the piles I've managed to make while unpacking. It takes every last inch of energy to clear the piles out and organize my things the best I know how (obsessively) so things look better when The Bear arrives home from work. The kitchen must wait until after dinner when I get some sort of second wind.

By the end of the day my back aches and I think of all that is left to do. Pillows are towering at the bottom of the stairs waiting for a case. I know they all had one when we packed yet somehow they all seem to be missing. Just when I'm ready to take a few minutes to sit outside with a beer and some cookies, watch the stars, and worry about my sisters and their troubles, Baby Bear wakes. She is either genuinely upset and uncomfortable or she has learned if she cries and fights enough I'll pick her up, snuggle her into my warm chest, and rock her until she is asleep again. Refusing to allow me to put her back down I give in and put her in our bed where she snuggles on Mr. Bear's chest while they watch some Adult Swim cartoon on the IPad. I brush my teeth and climb in bed with them. I still ate my cookies. An hour later Baby is finally asleep in her own bed and I crash into mine. I was probably too grumpy with Mr. Bear that evening but hopefully he knows how much I love and need him. The hours of sleep I get don't feel rejuvenating enough and 7 AM is here before I know it. Which is what brought me to this moment of exhaustion.

But I love this house, oh, I really love it. I don't feel deserving of such a beautiful home. Even now, exhausted and lazy in my unmade bed, the morning light is beaming through our huge bedrooms windows. If only I had coffee I could sit outside and begin my day right. Baby Bear loves it too. She climbs the long staircase every chance she gets (even though she seems too small to climb so many stairs she's been doing it for weeks now, it took her only two tries to figure out how to maneuver them properly) and hauls her little self up onto every piece of furniture she can reach. If it's on the floor and taller than her (sitting down) it must be meant for climbing. Mr. Bear loves it too. He cooks me dinner in the kitchen (lentil walnut veggie burgers with yogurt cream sauce FROM SCRATCH!), he weeds the dead, overgrown yard, he putters around wishing he could feel settled and worrying, I'm sure, about bills and new larger mortgage payments.

*edit My battery died after that last sentence and then I didn't have internet set up yet sooo....I've forgotten if I was going to end with something intriguing. I wrote this about, oh, 5 days ago.

It's What We Do & How We Do It

Baby Bear is napping. We're going on two days of napping more than an hour each nap. = Heaven! Mr. Bear just left again, off to New York City until Saturday morning when he returns. On Sunday night he flew to L.A., then to San Fran on Tuesday, home to us for Wednesday night to drop off presents and snuggle with me in bed for one night, and now he's gone once more. So I'm here, trying to make time to write while wearing new pink shoes and the prettiest of pretty new earrings. Mr. Bear spoils Baby and I. He says he doesn't care if Baby Bear wears jammies all day long but he must be lying because he has impeccable taste in baby clothes (and shoes too!). He also buys the best jewelry (see photo).



While The Bear has been gone this week Baby has learned to crawl up the stairs and call for her Dada in the morning. The first morning he was gone she woke up at 3:30, in my bed of course, and said, in the sweetest yell you've ever heard, "Dada? Daaaaada?". He wasn't there to answer. This morning she was up at 6:30 and sat up, climbed on top of The Bear and hollared, "Daaaaa. Dada.", it was lovely. For the next hour she crawled around the bed smacking her lips before moving in for the slobber fest that is her kiss. She completes this kiss by chomping down on my face with her razor sharp teeth. It hurts. A lot. Then she cackles and smacks her lips in search of her next victim. I may start waking up in the dead of night panicky because I can hear lips smacking, coming to claim my flesh. I have a child zombie only she hasn't yet broken skin.

Tonight it will just be the two of us again. Hopefully by the time The Bear is home we will know if we have a house yet. All I'll say is that we've found our home, the one I see us raising our babies in the for the foreseeable future, but the market is so complicated right now and it seems that all the forces are working against us successfully becoming home owners. Let me just say, it's not us, it's them. If I never hear the words "short sell" or "negotiating price" or "bank" ever again it will be too soon. Now I have to go mentally prepare myself for a hectic weekend of BBQing and extended family by taking three shots of tequila (kidding, sort of). Yayhoo.