I'll See You in the Morning

As I sit here typing away my daughter is playing peacefully on her own. Which means she is NOT asking me to read slash sing Elmo's Twelve Days of Christmas fifteen times in a row. That's a pretty big deal since that has been her favorite book for the last couple of weeks. I'm not saying that I have an awful voice but let's just say that if I went to a church I probably would NOT be invited to sing with the choir. But Mad loves my singing voice and she's the most important judge in my world, just sayin. Either way, good voice or not, no one wants to hear the Sesame Street version of that annoying Christmas song so many times a day, or ever. The sacrifices I make.

Speaking of sacrifices...I have to sacrifice my Iphone to get her to do something other than read books, allowing me a few moments to sit on the couch. She loves talking on the phone and will jabber away to herself before handing the phone off to me to chat with whatever imaginary person is on the other line. It's her favorite. After books that is. And maybe after eating. This kid will consume more food than her 7 year old cousin! And she still nurses at least 5 times a day and twice at night! Yes, that means she still doesn't sleep through the night.

Oh the sleeping hell she puts me through. I know it's normal for some babies not to sleep through the night at this age but when everyone you know got their child to sleep at 6 months it's really depressing. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. And maybe I am. At around 8 months I got her to sleep for about a month until she started working on all the rest of the teeth in her mouth at the same time as well as learned to move into a sitting position from her tummy. She was restless, uncomfortable and constantly pushing herself up so my previous techniques of calming her in bed stopped working. For a while we let her stay in bed with us, until she no longer wanted to sleep in our bed. Maybe I should have let her cry it out at that point but something inside me just didn't think that was the method to use with her and so I was back to nursing her twice a night. We do have really good nights though, which gives me hope, like last night. She went down at 7 with no issues and slept until 3:30 AM. If only I had gone to bed at 9! Of course she woke for the day at 6:50 AM and I was exhausted all morning. I blame the sun. Damn sunlight telling my offspring to wake for the day. Hate it.

I suppose my point in saying all of this (about sleeping issues) is that The Bear has booked a weekend NYC getaway for us in few weeks, without Baby Bear (!), and I really really want to have her sleeping well before then. I'll rest so much easier while I'm gone knowing that she is sleeping and not waking expecting mama nursies and getting a bottle and someone other than her mama (even if it is Grammy, a pretty awesome substitute). Not to mention that I have NO milk stored and so I have to pump enough for the three days and knowing that I don't have to get enough for 4 night feedings too would be a huge relief. I don't know how I'm going to get enough as it is since I haven't pumped since she was 4 months old.

Enough talk about my mom boobs. Can we return to the fact that I get to go away, ALONE with Mr. Bear, for a whole weekend?!?! I'm beyond excited and pretty nervous too. I know that a lot of parents take vacations alone during the first year of their child's life but I have only spent one night away from her when she was 4 months old and mostly all I did was sleep and then we were back together the next morning. Mr. Bear travels so much that not seeing her every day is normal. I feel like it should be easier for me but I can't stand to imagine my baby wanting me and not understanding why I'm not there for her. Likely she won't even realize I'm gone and that will make me sad too. Really though, I know that time time alone is truly important for my relationship with my Angry Bear and that is what I'm excited for. Plus NYC! Hello! We will have so much fun together. He has been there a lot but I haven't been since I was really young and I couldn't enjoy the things I can now...like drinks! Going out without having to come home and nurse the Baby Bear means I have a lot more freedom. And no curfew! Woo hoo! Now I just have to find some cute things to wear while we are there. What is a vacation without a cute outfit, or three?

Now my Baby Bear is napping, she is a great napper, and I am missing her. She's been extra lovey with me all day, smothering me with kisses and hugging me for no reason at all. Heaven! No wonder I'm afraid of how much I'll miss her! How cute is this picture of her watching the kids play in the water fountains in SLC? Cute! She always props her feet up like this and I just want to eat them for dinner. Yum.