Saturday, February 27, 2010

The Thing About Dreaming Is.....(Part Deux)

Ok, do you recall this post about my dream house? Well I sure do and at the time I thought, "Melissa, this is a mighty TALL order. The Bear loves you and wants you to have everything you could ever want or need but a dream house might be years and years away." I was prepared to have a house that wasn't my dream house.

Just recently we moved from "looking into looking" for homes to actually looking LOOKING for homes . The whole ordeal stresses me out to no end. Down payments, bank accounts, qualification, credit score, FINDING A HOUSE!!! Bidding wars, disappointment, tears, anger, sadness, NO dream house. I was not looking forward to it. The anxiety alone made me want to stay in our cramped two bedroom condo, which we outgrew the day I moved in with him.

Today we saw my dream house. I mean, seriously, my DREAM house!!! A bathroom fit for a queen (my best friend is seriously considering moving into the closet it's THAT awesome) with a tub I can only use once a month because filling it will cost a fortune! A kitchen that makes The Bear drool. They use the word "Gourmet" to describe it. Yep. And a yard. A real one. One that I can plant veggies and flowers in. One that I can have BBQ's in. One that my babies (do you like how I added an extra baby in there heh) can play in for years to come. It even has a front porch. A long one. It's not quite out of Happy Vally, but close. We'd probably still have all mormon neighbors but a girl can hope right?

I don't want to speak too soon, and I told The Bear I wasn't going to whisper a word to anyone, but I think it might be ours. Yep, closet and everything. All mine (to share with Mr. Bear). I want to cry. Mr. Bear is doing official stuff right now, he even called me to ask about stuff like whether or not I wanted shelves built in around the fireplace (EEEK!!!), but we still have lots of not so fun stuff to wait and see on (see the second paragraph about anxiety). If all goes as planned it will be built and ready for move in sometime in August. Are we actually going to live in a home that fits all of our stuff by the time Baby Bear is one? A girl can hope right?

Here's to hoping. Send good house vibes our way!

Friday, February 26, 2010

First and Second

First of all....check out my new favicon*! (that is the little picture next to the web address bar) I had it made into a little bear because, you know, I'm in love with an Angry Bear and I gave birth to a very cute Baby Bear. I got it from a wonderful Etsy site for a reasonable price and I'm so happy with it. Makes my blog so cheerful. Now if I can find someone who will design my blog for free instead of charging me $85! har har I have a great idea for my blog header, I just need to figure out how to get it done. Dad??? I feel like you should be able to help me do this. ANYWAY.

There is no second of all. I'm just so happy because last night Baby Bear only woke up 3 times after we got home and in bed around 10 PM. Sleeping from 10-1, 1-3:30, (waking at 4 because she needed to be reswaddled, I'm not counting that one), & finally 4-7ish is impressive in my book. Ok, it doesn't sound impressive, I get that, maybe it was just the fact that I went to bed at 10 too. Yeah, that must be it. Bummer, I had convinced myself we had a good night.

I guess that's it. Now I need to pack Baby Bear's bag so she can go spend a few hours with her Grammy. Mr. Bear and I are attempting to house hunt but I'm here to tell you that it is FRUSTRATING! Really frustrating. I'm just focusing on the grateful factor. I'm grateful that we are in the position to look for houses. I just need to keep repeating that over and over and over. Because a 2 bedroom condo just IS NOT cutting it anymore. Wish us luck.

*I think if you use internet explorer you won't see this, bummer for you.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Spring Where Are You?

It's been over a week and although I spend time on the computer I haven't had the energy to think about posting. The winter blues have hit me like a ton of bricks and I just feel exhausted and cooped up in our little condo. I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired. I would eat a cow if it meant I could get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. That is desperation if you couldn't figure it out!

Last night I was up every hour with the Baby. At about 3:30 AM she didn't want to sleep, she didn't want to nurse, she just wanted to cry. So...I got out of bed, changed a very wet diaper, and rocked my baby while she ate. The hardest thing about these difficult nights is that when morning comes I feel unable to function. Mr. Bear is tired and has to work so what is there to do? Crying is not an option. Mom's don't cry. But sometimes I really really want to. So instead I'm going to suck it up, do some dishes, brush my teeth, and pretend to keep it together. Oh, and enjoy my darling because she is why I do it all.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Few of My Favorite Things

Tonight I was scrapbooking. Right, I know, not me. It was one of those that already has all the pages decorated and you just put pics on the open squares and throw some stickers on and act like you are totally crafty. So, I wondered why although I desperately WANT to be crafty, like when I thought I was going to make coasters from cute paper and tiles....RIIIIGHT, I totally suck at it. "What AM I good at?", I wondered to myself. Then I thought about the yummy batch of wipe solution I whipped up just this morning, with my little munchkin in a sling, and a load of diapers drying in the laundry room. Is cloth diapering a craft? I'd claim that it was but I've never use pre-folds so I just feel guilty saying so. Not to mention the raunchy mama's on Diaper Swappers probably think I'm a novice because I don't know all the acronyms.

But I'm good at being a crunchyish mama. Even if I don't know how to use pre-folds. I cloth diaper. Something that Mr. Bear and *ahem* Brother Bear (he's a ginger, so go figure ;) told me I would never stick with. I baby wear. Even though I sometimes just put her in her sling just for the fun of it because we have no place to go and a house that's too small to require the sling for household duties (does eating breakfast at the counter count???). I breastfeed despite all the obstacles I've encountered (I fully intend on posting about this and why, after all the difficulties I STILL deal with, I KNOW that it is worth it). We co-sleep.....and this is one that I think we are still coming to terms with. I have to give props to Mr. Bear because he is a crunchy daddy too! He couldn't do the sling but he loves the Bjorn, he supports my diaper addiction, and he is on board for least as long as Baby Bear is waking in the night.

Conclusion: I'm good at being a mama. The best kind of mama I know how to be. I also know how to make a kick ass cupcake from the box. I do them for every holiday.

*that is my Serena & Lily Market sling. I looooove it. & not just because it's pretty.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Do You Remember the Time

Do I remember the days when I got more than 2 hours of sleep at a time? How about those lazy weekend mornings when I could sleep in, stretch, sleep some more, and then head out to a late, lazy breakfast with The Bear? Or just the regular old work mornings when I got up at 8:30 (8:30??? Como whaaaaa???? I only speak 5:30 these days)? I do remember these days but I try not to. If I do then my headache gets a little stronger and I slump down a little further in my sloppy jammies. So instead I'm focused on THIS day.

This day I got to giggle with Baby Bear. This day I got to laugh with my nephew. This day I learned more lessons about being a mama. This day I got to take a late afternoon nap with my girl. This day I got to spend all of my energy being better than I was before, because being a mama is a lot better than being "Tequila Melissa", as my family refers to my pre-baby self. I won't lie that kind of hurts my feelings, because I know it ISN'T a compliment, but I guess I created the name for myself with all those old posts dedicated to the drink (someday when I'm not nursing my baby I will have a reunion with Sir Tequila just to see if we still have the same "fire" we did before). This day I got to go to Target ALONE and it was lovely. The best part about this day? It was 50 degrees! And even though we didn't go for the walk I was hoping for Baby Bear wore her shorties for the first time, and looked adorable!

A few notes about this picture (I'd LIKE to be high tech and, you know, draw on the picture itself with fun colors and shapes accenting what I want to show you....but I don't know how to work any program other than Lightroom, and only the most basic of tools within, on this stupid Mac....which I love, but you have to be smart to do those fancy picture doodles...and I'm not): Our toothbrushes are in the second/guest bathroom and I think that is gross but we can't brush our teeth in OUR bedroom because Mini Mr. Bear has taken over and wakes to the vibrating of the brushes. There are "man wipes" on the counter, yes. I use them for my 3 year old nephew who hasn't mastered the art of cleanup. Today his bathroom break ended in a bath, I'll spare you the details. You can see Baby Bear is watching him play Superman in the tub rather than smile for me in the mirror. Yes, I still have a baby belly pooch. I'm afraid I will NOT be that girl who updates her Facebook page 6 minutes after giving birth letting the world know I'm in my pre-pregnancy jeans again. Oh size 4 how I miss you. Ok.....size 6. But still, compared to size 11million that's not too shabby. it legal to eat my child's toes? *NOM NOM NOM* mom rocks. She knitted those adorable shorties and I'm in love. Oh, and yes, my towels are disheveled. Would you like to come fix them?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Mama Bear After All

Today I cried as I watched "The Doctors" episode on Haiti. Another glance into the heartbreaking wreckage that they are left with there. I sat, while my perfect baby slept peacefully in her warm bed, and I cried. I stared into the eyes of those sweet sweet children who smile despite their circumstances.

Children give us hope. They give this sad world a reason to live, to move forward, to stay strong. My mama heart aches for all the suffering the babies of that country have experienced and for all the mamas who have lost their babies, or babies who have lost their mamas. I wish I could take them under my wing and protect them from the hurt they will continue to suffer through. It is so difficult to watch and not be able to run to them.

So tonight I held my child close. I buried my face in her sweet neck and loved her as hard as I knew how. It warmed my heart. I know how lucky I am. Later Baby Bear joined me in a giant bubble bath and we laughed together. She has just learned how to splash and every time she looks amazed at what her little hands are capable of. I let her float on her back and she immediately folded in half so she could float AND eat her bubble covered toes at the same time. The wonderful thing about letting her take a big bath is that I can let her sink (safely) down in the water so it comes all the way to her shoulders while her legs and arms swish around in the water; she loves it. Then she smiles up at me with her big blue eyes and the long day just melts away with the bubbles. Thank heaven for big bath tubs; it sure beats sitting in an awkward bath chair and having the rapidly cooling water barely splash over her tummy.


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