When it comes to motherhood I really jumped in head first. I love my Mad, she is,without a doubt, my world and I love being that mother who never regrets all the vacations I potentially miss out on because I don't enjoy leaving my baby. Sometimes I know The Bear wishes I didn't have so much anxiety about having her away from my arms overnight. Both of our mother's are likely tired of hearing my long lists the few times we do leave her for a night. I know that the intense anxiety at the thought of being away is something only I truly understand. That is ok with me. I don't wish to change it completely but I do try to take control of my anxiety and let her go for enough time that my Bear can feel important too.
So, last week we packed our bags, and Baby Bear's bags too, for a few days away. This is the second time since she was born but for 4 nights instead of 2 (she stayed 2 nights with my family and 2 nights with the Bear's. I know his brother would appreciate me mentioning that he is an excellent overnight sitter and is adored by our Mad). We drove through the Sierra Nevada Mountains of California (let's not reminisce about how long of a drive it was!) to a little area in Amador County for much appreciated R&R (rest and relaxation, you know). A sweet bed and breakfast with our own cottage (shared with another friend couple of ours), 3 days of wine tastings, and quaint small town living (and by quaint I mean everything closes at 4 PM and from that moment on the only people you see are in one of the 3 restaurants or other tourists who didn't get the closing time memo) really recharged our parenting batteries.
It was beautiful and quiet. I drank several cups of coffee every day, the first delivered to my door at 7:30 every morning (which was perfect because I couldn't stay asleep past 7AM), ate until I practically exploded and....pumped a lot of milk, which The Bear says is not really the kind of information people really want to know when you have a 20 month old still nursing baby, but I'm pretty sure I don't care. Did I mention how beautiful it was?
I could look at this view forever! Although I could do without all the driving on winding roads to get there. The quiet in the air is something I am not accustomed to at all and it gave me such pleasure to hear only the wind blowing rather than cars speeding past and construction trucks grumbling all the day long. You don't realize how noisy the world is until.....it isn't. You don't realize how many buildings there are until you see none. You don't realize how annoying all the rushing and planning is until you don't have to do either. On a side note, I'm not sure that our traveling companions enjoyed this trip as much as The Bear and I did. I'm trying to feel bad about it because I'm sure everyone else might not find out company as enjoyable as we do ourselves, but I can't really because there was nothing stopping someone from just enjoy what was. Relaxing while the time is there and available to you.
I'm glad to be home. I'm enjoying the day to day chores that I was feeling burnt out on before (though you might not know looking at my house/disaster area!). The sun has come out and the days are beautiful again; it was a long Winter in Utah this year. My garden might actually get weeded before Fall comes and my Mad has never been happier than she is putting about the yard like the little princess that she is. I know I'm a lucky woman to be surrounded by happiness and love in my home. My Bear and my Baby Bear fill my heart (I'm a broken record, I know) and I happy to be here, appreciating this life, and them.