A Letter

My Dear Sweet Madeleine,

Every day now I wonder if this will be my last day with you, just you, my first baby. You seem less worried about it than I do and I think that you will be amazing. You wrap your sweet arms around my enormous belly and nuzzle your face in to me, whispering love to your baby brother or sister. You make sure baby always gets kisses goodnight and when you leave you ask if baby misses you when you are gone. It melts my heart, truly. People worry about how you will react, if you will be jealous, but I am not worried at all. I know you will be amazing; maybe a little rough around the edges, but amazing. This baby is oh so lucky to have you and I hope throughout your life you are always the one to love and protect him/her when mama and daddy aren't around.

You have grown so much this year, my love, and I almost don't recognize you. You have such interesting thoughts and you notice EVERYTHING. The other day you told me I was pissing you off! Oops, you got that one from your mama for sure. You eat.....and eat and eat and eat. Anything and everything you truly do not discriminate. Grapes, cheese, berries (raspberries, blueberries & strawberries), and most any other breakfast food is your most requested food when we head to the store. Carrots, pasta, chicken, "han-ger-ber-gers", "cados" (avocados), artichokes (I mean, what 2 year old knows how to eat artichokes? You! They are our family treat.), rice, peas, salad (yes! I am not kidding you love salad, especially caesar salad) any veggie, you name it. And every meal you are so sweet and grateful for what we have made for you, it melts my heart. Or chicken nuggets, fries, and mac and cheese? Yep you love that too when I let you have it. This Winter I will be buying you 4T clothing because all your clothes shrink in our house! Or you are growing so tall, but I don't like to think about that.

The energy you bring into our home is amazing, and a little exhausting for this mama, I won't lie. My favorite game to play at the end of the day is the running game. I tell you to run around in a circle 100 times and you just run and run until you get dizzy and fall down in a fit of laughter. You'll do acrobatics, ballet, and yoga on demand and still have energy at the end of it all. This past month you've learned that you love our slide out back (it was always a little scary for you before) and if the weather isn't too overwhelming (it's been a very hot Summer!) I will sit outside with you while you slide down the slide over and over and over again. It makes me smile.

Of course not every moment is as picture perfect as I would like to remember it. You have opinions, and will, and you are every bit as stubborn and your daddy and I put together. You never miss a word we say but if it isn't to your interest you simply choose not to listen. I get so frustrated asking you to NOT do the same things every single day and it doesn't matter how many times you might get in trouble for something, if you like doing it you will continue to do it.

Time is nothing to you, everything moves at your own very slow distracted pace. And if I want you to go somewhere or do something you don't really want to do it's amazing how many things you can come up with that you need to tell me, "mama MAMA I need to tell you something........" then you dart your eyes around thinking very hard about what it is, sometimes just repeating the first line over and over until you come up with something good. And when you leave the house without me, or daddy puts you to bed, you have several minutes worth of instructions to give as you head out the door or up the stairs, continuously coming back to tell me just one more thing. Daddy says it's my fault, I do the same thing when I have to leave you. I still miss you every minute you are away, even if you are naughty and exhausting.

So, you see, my little bug bug.....I love you so very much, even if I am not the perfect mama all the time. I kiss your hands when you sleep and savor the sound of your breath. I love your warmth next to me when we nap together, I hope that doesn't stop anytime soon. There may be a new baby in the house but YOU will always be my baby, my very first baby, that made me a mama and taught me what never ending, limitless, love was. I can't wait to watch you on this new journey.

Love always,
Mama