Bye Bye Boobies

As the title might suggest this post is about breastfeeding, specifically about saying goodbye to breastfeeding *crie sob*. Kidding, I've been pretty much ready to wean my Mad for a few months now but she has not been a willing participant in the weaning process. Right now we're at this strange point where she will try to nurse in the night or mornings when she is sleeping on top of me anyway and I quickly wake up and offer her water or a binky (what did I say we got rid of that? Not so much).

My ultimate breastfeeding goal was 2 years, or whenever Mad was ready to be done if it was before that. When I first started nursing her as a newborn it was so difficult. During all those times I shed tears, and for a lot of moments at about 9 months, I never imagined we'd hit two years if it was always going to be so frustrating. Obviously we did, and then some.

Since her birthday The Bear has been asking, politely, about when I might wean her. Although I was soooo ready Mad made it pretty clear to the whole world that she was not about to get on board with weaning just yet. When I cut out her bedtime nursing session she took to falling asleep with her hands shoved down my shirt; not exactly the most gracious of alternatives. The less she breastfed the more attached she got to being skin to skin with me.

My snuggle bug happy to be in my arms

These days I wrangle her to sleep around 7:30 and somewhere between midnight and 2AM she crawls in bed with The Bear and I. It begins with a little hand, soft and cold, placed on my chest. Slowly she fidgets her way down into my shirt and she scratches and abuses my skin as she tries to find a comfy place for her hand. If I move it away and tell her "no hands" (my polite way of saying please don't squeeze mama's boobs!) she cries at me and rolls her whole body sideways trying to get her arms down my shirt while securing a spot on my chest to rest her head. If enough skin isn't exposed to fit her whole head she'll pull my top down until she has a resting spot. Pretty much the rest of the night is her rolling around trying to get comfortable, which she never really does, and kicking Mr. Bear in the head with her freezing cold toes.

What she USED to look like while sleeping with us

The good news is that I am REALLY close to having her totally weaned and she asks only when she is extra sleepy in the early early mornings. The bad news is that we are now stuck trying to figure out the whole sleeping space situation. It's a mess. If my previous paragraph doesn't convey that accurately enough let me assure you that IT IS A MESS!!! I am not rested and my body is sore and exhausted from wrestling my "cuddly" baby all night. The Bear, who was enjoying having her in bed with us for a while, is getting tired of being kicked with ice cold toes and getting no snuggles to show for it. Mad has this idea that she owns our bed and my body, which was kind of the opposite effect I was hoping for after the weaning process was done. Her desire to be close to me is so strong that she can't even watch morning television without being wrapped around me.

So, I'm stuck. I love my girl so so much and I want to find a way to respect her need to be near me (I love it too, really) without feeling beat on after a night of hardly sleeping. Somehow my thought was that age 2 would bring all kinds of physical space and restful nights, boy was I wrong!

Took this picture with my phone as I was editing this post and HAD to add it. I don't usually allow the binky unless she's asleep but she was crabby and I suck at saying no, OBVIOUSLY!