Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Domestic Bliss

These last weeks as I've been running around, NOT for no reason, trying to get my home and garden into shape, trying to keep up with a toddler who has more volume and energy every day, and learning to once again keep my balance with a growing belly full of baby, I've realized that I'm still just getting used to this domestic life. In reality I jumped head first from a life of YOUNG! SINGLE! TOTALLY CAREFREE! into this, my life now with a husband, babies, a home, a yard, weeds to pull, dishes to wash that simply cannot be ignored, 10x the laundry, baths to give, jammies to put on, songs to be sung, dinners to be made, garbage to be cleaned, rinse and repeat. There was no gentle initiation. Is there ever?
Mad is already the best mama
Today my Mad and I pulled weeds, spread mulch, cleaned dirt, put out chairs, and then, with the sun and a gentle breeze pouring over us,we sat in our seats to drink water and be amazed at what we got done. The funny thing is, once you sit down it doesn't feel like very much at all. The weeded area was not even 1/4 of the entire yard needing to be attended to and when you look at it you can easily look past the parts that are good and focus on all of the things that aren't good enough & very well might not ever be as good as they could be.
Enjoying her water after a long day of work/play
 It felt so similar to the way I often, fleetingly, feel at the end of a long day. When my arms are so heavy they couldn't possibly lift my baby even one more time to change one more diaper and I feel like I did so many loads of dishes, possibly even got around to making my bed, showered, got dressed, played, napped, cleaned some more, and did all of the things that should make my family and my home so happy.....only to sit down, put my feet up, and realize there are dishes in the sink, dirt on the floors, the bed that was made is unmade from naps and tv hour in the late afternoon, laundry didn't get done, the minutes I spent on the computer/phone add up to more than I intended and I look at my husband just KNOWING how much he must think I fail every day at my job.
Happy as long as I don't force him to take pictures with me
Some nights it gets to me and I swear to be better, do more, the next day, but most of the time I just shrug my mental shoulders flip, on the tv and feel so grateful to have a home to be messy and a toddler to exhaust me. And when we crawl into that cozy bed no one is worried about how perfectly made it is, least of all my AngryBear who is usually happy to have food in his belly and a few minutes of quiet before we drift off to sleep.
The cat's only demand is plenty of attention and warm spots to nap
I figure it's ok to want to be better, to do better, but the more I think and talk about it the less I do it and the more I feel disappointed that I "failed". I should just give what I have every day, which can be more or less depending on the day/mood/health status/baby location in my belly/hours of sleep from the night before and be happy for another day to do it again. That's my goal for the Summer, and hopefully by the end of it, when my new little baby arrives, I'll have next to no days when I focus on what I didn't do instead of being happy and proud of what I did........because this life was the best jump I've ever taken.
24 weeks with a baby who doesn't care about dirty dishes
My best work so far

1 comment:

Jess said...

You look great! Hope you're feeling good. I am due ANY day now....just waiting. :)


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