A few items that I would like to mention. Items that are very important and worth mentioning. Read: IMPORTANT ITEMS!!!!!!!!
The Girls Next Door is my sick secret pleasure. Any time I see this, "SUPER ALL NEW EPISODES!!!" attached to a preview of The Girls Next Door I get a funny feeling in my tummy. The feeling that says, "Mel, you are sick. Sick and twisted! You're not a 14 year old girl...or boy for that matter so WHY on earth do you like to watch 3 SUPER BIMBOS (I think it IS in fact a super power to be so dumb) bounce around in ugly Playboy, jewel encrusted mini tees?". To which I answer myself, "Because it makes you feel better about yourself to see dumb people and also you enjoy pondering how much money it would take to fake enjoyment during sex with a man that old and un-attractive read: BORING!". Last night they went The Kentucky Derby. Hugh is a classy guy so I just don't get why he would take them in public?!?!?!?!?! His number one girlfriend decorated her hat with My Little Ponies. Need I say more? Another gave us this little diddy, "I mean, why would they make the official drink of The Kentucky Derby a mint julep? Why wouldn't it be.....*pause*.....a Corona or something?" blank stares all around. These are all the reasons I love it.
Item # 2: When I drive to work every morning there is a sign that says, "Know Carly". Actually, it is a sign for mammograms and it says "Know Early" but from a far distance and usually being without coffee in my belly at this point I always see, "Know Carly", who happens to be my friend, and it throws me through a loop every damn time. "I KNOW Carly! For the love of Zeus please stop telling me to know her. And if you mean know in the way a man might "know" his wife I want to say that I don't swing that way. Ok only when I'm really drunk, and never past 1st baseish". Perhaps it is a sign that I should suggest that Carly get a mammogram. Something to think about.
Item # 3: The worst ice cream moment I've ever had was at Denny's. It was a long time ago, so long I don't remember how old I was even! I know I was with my dad and I know I couldn't drive nor could I pay for my own food. It was also late at night but that is beside the point; the point that I'm still unsure of. I ordered a bowl of chocolate ice cream, which is really strange because I don't really like chocolate ice cream. It reminds me of messy children with chocolate rings around their mouth. Or maybe I don't like it NOW because of this incident....hmmm. Anyway, the waitress brought me chocolate ice cream with MARSHMALLOWS in it. I ate one bite and almost burst into tears. I dislike marshmallows in my ice cream. They have a funny texture.
Okay, now that you've read OMGIMPORTANTTHINGSIMUSTKNOW you can continue on with your regularly scheduled programs; Read: looking at porn; you sickos!