first of all. I know. I was an English major for, like, a week. Not kidding. Impressive I know. Now on to the story.
Mr. Bear is constantly hassling me to learn his ultra fantastically difficult television remote system. I, ever so kindly, decline at his every insistence. Find me one good reason on God's good earth why I should learn how to push lots of buttons and possibly royally fuck SOMETHING up, as I am known to do (I can hardly figure out how to use a garage door opener for hell's sake!), and I will learn. Unfortunately Mr. Bear, a very ANGRY Bear, only found reason enough to convince me I should learn to turn the overcomplicated device OFF. It came in handy once or twice but I won't lie, I'd much prefer the alternative, which is to wait for him to get in bed and then remind him that the tv is on and I, the incompetent home invader, can't remember which red buttons to push and he has to get up to turn it off. Actually, on second thought, I don't prefer the alternative as much as I REQUIRE the alternative because when you have twentysevenmillionty remotes, all with a few red buttons of varying sizes, a girl like me, who has never paid for cable in her life (if it doesn't come with the apartment it must not be very important), is hard pressed to remember which damn red button to push. And in what God damn order?! "The black one? There are 5 black remotes! The black remote with the red On button? Ok got it!" and then the radio starts blaring from the laundry room. You get my point.
Anyway, tonight I was left to my own devices as Mr. Bear fulfilled his "work obligations" and drank Patron without me. It all started off innocently enough with the thought of a big lonely house.....I immediately decided to break into Mr. Bear's condo so I wouldn't feel so ALONE. Maybe I'd read a book. That was my single resolution was it not? "Strange" I thought to myself, "I feel like there is something very important going on today???". Oh man, important was an understatement! Today is my favorite day of the week, Thursday!!! Not because it comes before Friday, although that is a lovely thought, but because Thursday is Grey's Anatomy night!
In my mind I know there is a little highlighted section on his Tivo blinking with the indication of a new recorded piece of heaven. Wish I would have taken those lessons after all. Brilliant idea! I'll call him and make him teach me over the phone. I'm a smart girl, it could totally work. And work it did. Even though he MAY have been a few (dozen) sheets to the wind he walked me through the process and BAM there was my highlighted euphoria.
I wish I could end this story with how AWESOME Grey's was tonight but, of course, the one night I show off my incredible remote control talents the show stopped recording about 5 minutes in. It, like this story, was similar to seeing Brad Pitt get ALMOST naked (in person!) only to find out he's really a chick, and not even a hot one! Buzz kill. So I watched shitty Utah news until I got pissed off about the talk of stupid new Utah liquor laws and shut it off. I kind of wanted to leave it on for whenever he got home the next day but I figure it's not nice to take my anger on an innocent man. At least not when he was possibly sleeping peacefully in a comatose-like fashion. Instead I'll just let him continue to get out of bed to turn it off at night, knowing I probably could do it without breaking too much in the process. Yeah, this is a brilliant plan.