Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Healing

Are people truly so hateful? Am I one of them? I don't understand how we can be happy if we refuse to release the hate. Can we ever be happy if we wish pain and suffering for others?

This has really made me think about my life and the bad energy that I expel. I don't want to be miserable over things that are done. I don't want my past to haunt me. There is beauty here in this strange and difficult life and I want to absorb it all. I strive to see beauty in everyone and while it isn't easy I still try. I'm sorry for all of us who have been hurt by another. My heart aches for everyone who has been through or is going through pain and I wish I could reach out and hold them all. But....my heart breaks even more for those of us who refuse to heal. The more hatred we put out into the universe, no matter how well deserved it may be, the more hatred will be returned to us. Hate is an ugly sick being. I know because I am still working to let mine go; sometimes we just don't know how.

My hate does not make me happy. I do not hate with pride or pleasure. I hate with tears. I hate with regret. I hate with so much pain and I'm so afraid that I will never be free from it. I do not find an ounce of beauty in those emotions and I am truly ashamed of them. I know that my hate makes me weak and I cannot live my life knowing that I was the one who could not follow the murmurings in my heart and learn to move beyond it all. My entire being has suffered long enough and I am ready to be rid of the guilt my hatred has burdened me with.

Today I will forgive. I will never ever write another word of hate towards a person or people who have hurt me. Today I will be the woman I know I am capable of being. Today I will act as I wish all others could act. I will be humble and forgiving. I will be kind and accepting. I will not judge. I will not find beauty in others hate. I will not. I cannot. I will be better because of this; I will heal, and my life will never, ever be the same.

1 comment:

Emilee said...

"I hate with so much pain and I'm so afraid that I will never be free from it. " Beautiful. I have been having a lot of the same thoughts lately.

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