Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Why Couldn't I Have Been Born Witty?

I DON’T EVEN BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING REAL!!!!!!!! I know this...deal with it.

But it all comes down to having nothing to blog about. You want to know what’s in my head today? Okay hurry up! Good luck making sense of it.

All through this long weekend I’ve wondered what it is about relationships that is so wonderfully endearing that SUCKS SO MUCH ASS!!!

And after coming up with the answer I moved on to greater questions, like why can’t the rain and John Mayer sound so wonderful without a smoke? Or perhaps a few.

Also, why, when I make my coffee the same every morning (I measure the damn scoops!) does it taste good one day and bad the next then merely mediocre after that? It’s the endless search for the most delicious cup of coffee and I want to pull my hair out trying to figure it out. Coffee just isn’t one of those things that can taste the same day to day. The nice thing about attempting the perfect cup is the delicious anticipation it brings each morning. Only to drink it and have it suck. I don’t know about you but a bad cup of coffee WILL ruin my day. My answer to this is to stop using cream and sugar but, God, it’s like CRACK! (must be said out loud just how I’ve written it) and I want to use a little of every flavor I find on the shelf at least once. I’m telling you that the Cinnabun flavor was my eternal companion until I discovered Tiramisu. I’m torn between shame (it isn’t REAL coffee with flavored creamer in it) and the desire to shout my love of flavored creamer to the world.

I really can’t even count the number of times this weekend I’ve said these exact words, “It’s the Tequila. I really love Tequila”. I really do love Tequila and if you’d like to seduce me one night then I suggest you show up with a bottle of 1800 and a book that gives you 101 ways to get a drunk passed out chick to make out with you…without throwing up first.

I have a short list of reasons why one should never date men who are in their 30’s. Here it is:
♥ They are stupid

I also have a short list of why one (me) should never date (read: discontinue dating) men who are religiously confused.

♥ They are stupid

I’ve ALSO compiled a brief, yet very poignant, list of why one (once again, moi) should never date….

♥ They are stupid

I know. You’re moved. I can’t help it.

This answer also works for, “Why you should never read my blogs”, or perhaps, “Why you should always read my blogs”. Pick at random if you wish.

1 comment:

Emilee said...

I pretty much love you. How about they are all stupid no matter what?! I think that is true. I am so going to show up with 1800 and the book, because I secretly want to make out with you. Sans throw up.


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