Happy End of Holidays

Tonight The Bear and I went out to do some last minute shopping for some friends. MISTAKE! Big mistake. It was raining and crowded and absolutely ridiculous. Baby Bear was awful, which is pretty typical this month. Probably because her nap schedule, that I worked so hard to enforce the first 15 months of her life, has been totally up in the air while we run errands and I give into her fits of clingy not wanting to nap-ness. So, let me say, I cannot wait for Christmas to be over. I'm tired of her opening all 3 of the presents that I put under the tree (because they are too big to hide elsewhere), I'm tired of Christmas music (except for Glee), I'm tired of crowds and selfish bratty humans, basically I've lost the Christmas spirit. Bah hum bug!!! But, I'm super excited for Mads to open presents because she'll be so so excited and that makes me excited. Bratty brat brat!

Just like I got the itch to decorate for Christmas right after Halloween I've started to get the itch actually start decorating for Valentines Day. I've been wanting to make some felt flowers to put on my yarn wreaths and I figured it out FINALLY.

So I made a wreath and I won't lie, it's awesome. I'm saving the whole picture until after I take down my Christmas stuff (TOMORROW! not really, but I wish) and find a spot for it. I can make you one too, if you're nice to me! It's my best wreath yet, I have to admit. Even The Bear lied really well about liking it.

My last glass of wine is almost empty and that means it's time for teeth brushing and bed. Here's to hoping for a bed to myself all night. Myself and Mr. Bear that is. And, not that I don't love a good snuggle but Mads is a really serious bed hog. Just sayin.

Things I'm Loving

In no particular order (because I'm lazy and don't want to rearrange the pics to a particular order), these are some things I love today. I took a few shots tonight, on the fly, so I could post this. I could have (should have) waited until tomorrow so I could take them in natural light but, once again, I'm just too damn lazy. Besides, if it was as easy as saying I'd do it there would be a lot more posts on here lately. So, here you go!

Mads in a winter hat. Cutest.Ever.

Because I'm spoiled McSpoiledson my lover brought me home the ultimate in Lush gift boxes to make up for leaving me alone with an anxious dog, messy house, and satan's spawn our adorable and practically perfect daughter. I stash it in my closet where it can smell lovely every day and I can look and oooo and awwww and wish I could make it last forever.
More Lush, stashed on my closet shelves with the Nora Roberts books The Bear won't let me put on our book shelves. Yep, he's embarrassed. Aren't the colors so pretty (the Lush, not the books)?
My pretty little bench from Target that matches our bed perfectly. It also opens and has storage inside. Not tons of space, but enough. The sad part in this picture is the lack of pretty pillows on my bed. I have ideas of the perfect bed pillows so I'm slow accumulating them. Not to mention that pretty throws are expensive! Note the dark lamp on The Bear's side of the bed. Because he is traveling yet again.
My half decorated Target tree. I loaded the top half of the tree up with pretty/cheap ornaments because I have to leave the bottom emtpy due to little baby hands that like to grab. "Wow wow," she says when I turn the lights on.
My new little entryway bench. It's the perfect size and I'm so happy to have it. The baskets were even included and they are actually pretty nice. I don't sit here to read or drink my coffee but I didn't have anything to fill the other side of the bench!
Love these two. Just because they are awesome and wear things like this.

I love myself for finally buying, and prepping, my prefolds. And of course actually using them. This is a pretty great fold if I do say so myself. Too bad they don't always look so good!
The Angry Bear himself.....and our sweet doggie. Except when he yelps in the night after hearing Mad wake to nurse. The dog, not The Bear.
This face. I love scrunchie nose.
Her. This chair. Books. Bare legs in Winter. Blue eyes. Messy hair.

I love a lot right now. Things I don't love, and thus do not have pictures of, are :

♥ creepy noises in the dark house. There are a lot of them and it freaks me out some nights when I'm alone. aka tonight
♥ wind (probably a huge contributor to the creepy noises)
♥ my empty refrigerator
♥ work travel right before Christmas.
♥ work travel all the time (I know it's necessary but that doesn't mean I have to love it. This is just a "don't love" list, not an "I hate it" list)
♥ Staying up too late when I'm alone
♥ proper punctuation.

So, there you have it. Now I'm off to bed. Someday I'll have a better camera, better photo taking skillz (they are there, I just don't care to try), and the time and energy to take pictures during the day when I don't have to use a flash. Until then, this is what you get.

But Oh oh Those Su UH mmer Nights

Somehow the Summer has flown by and here we are mid-August just weeks away from Autumn and just weeks away from my little baby's birthday. I'm not ready for either. I have a feeling that my little sun lovin girl isn't going to be too pleased when there is snow on the ground. If she is anything like her mama and daddy she will prefer bare toes and the sun on her skin all her life (no winter sports for us, unless you count bubble baths a sport).

For the last few months I have not been able to find my camera cord to upload pics so mostly this is a completely pointless post of image overhaul. I have no idea what order I uploaded these in (wish Blogger had a better photo organization system....) but mostly they are pictures of Mad, she's easy to spot! Wish that having a baby didn't put me into such a writer's block. I've lost all my humor and wit (did I have any before?). I may not be a deep philosophical writer like my sister or father but I always thought this blog wasn't too awful to read. Now, ugh, unless you love pictures of the same person (and a damn cute person at that) and hearing me rant about how disorganized my home is (STILL!!!) it has turned rather blah. Someday I'll work on that by getting my life more exciting.











This last one is of Mad and her Uncle Bri. It's pretty much my favorite picture of the day.

My Journey to Mamahood

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared. Crazy scared. I didn't know if I would be a good mama to that little being. I was afraid I wouldn't be what this child needed. I was excited, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel fear. I had just spent the last 4 years of my life thinking about no one but myself. I was still adjusting to life in a committed relationship. You know, one where the man I was with actually admitted to being with me, who fought to keep me by his side. I wasn't sure I deserved his love let alone the love of an innocent human. Lucky for us, hormone filled, women we have 9 months to gain the confidence we need for the beautiful day when we become a mother for the first time. Or the second, third, fourth, etc.

*2 months pregnant with The Bear in L.A.
'

*on vacation with The Bear, 30+ weeks pregnant


After the first 24 hours of contractions I knew that I was ready to have my child. My daughter. After the second 24 hours I was begging my body to do what was necessary to give birth. I lacked the grace I had always hoped to have during birth. After throwing up for the 4th time I seem to remember wondering how I was going to make it to pushing. And how would I find the strength when that time came.

How silly it was of me to question myself. I should have had faith in my abilities because when it had to be done I didn't give up. And I had the most beautiful, perfect, amazing baby girl to show for it. I would live those pain filled days a thousand times over again. I was exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. It would take many weeks before I could feel comfortable again but, oh my, being a mother was heaven. Even being a mother in pain. When she was placed in my arms the world stopped. The hospital room was filled with lights and people but all I could see, all I could hear, was my child. I put my hands on her and forgot the tears of the past few days.





I've spent the last 8 months loving her. Absorbing her perfect baby energy. Teaching her all I know (all that a baby can understand anyway, and some that she can't). Talking, laughing, crying with her. And you know what? I'm an awesome mama. I can say that. I might not love all the things about myself but I love being a mother. And I've poured my heart and soul into it. It seems to have paid off because I have a beautiful and funny daughter who stops grocery store traffic with her chubby cheeks and precious smile.

*Baby Bear, 6 months old


Those days of fear? When I didn't know if I could do it? If i would be any good at it? Well, they're mostly gone. Sometimes I still think about having a teenage daughter and I wonder how I'll help her understand how important it is to be good, smart, & respectful (of others and of herself). I hope I'll have another moment where it just clicks.

*Baby Bear & her mama on Valentines, 5 months old

Do You Remember the Time

Do I remember the days when I got more than 2 hours of sleep at a time? How about those lazy weekend mornings when I could sleep in, stretch, sleep some more, and then head out to a late, lazy breakfast with The Bear? Or just the regular old work mornings when I got up at 8:30 (8:30??? Como whaaaaa???? I only speak 5:30 these days)? I do remember these days but I try not to. If I do then my headache gets a little stronger and I slump down a little further in my sloppy jammies. So instead I'm focused on THIS day.

This day I got to giggle with Baby Bear. This day I got to laugh with my nephew. This day I learned more lessons about being a mama. This day I got to take a late afternoon nap with my girl. This day I got to spend all of my energy being better than I was before, because being a mama is a lot better than being "Tequila Melissa", as my family refers to my pre-baby self. I won't lie that kind of hurts my feelings, because I know it ISN'T a compliment, but I guess I created the name for myself with all those old posts dedicated to the drink (someday when I'm not nursing my baby I will have a reunion with Sir Tequila just to see if we still have the same "fire" we did before). This day I got to go to Target ALONE and it was lovely. The best part about this day? It was 50 degrees! And even though we didn't go for the walk I was hoping for Baby Bear wore her shorties for the first time, and looked adorable!



A few notes about this picture (I'd LIKE to be high tech and, you know, draw on the picture itself with fun colors and shapes accenting what I want to show you....but I don't know how to work any program other than Lightroom, and only the most basic of tools within, on this stupid Mac....which I love, but you have to be smart to do those fancy picture doodles...and I'm not): Our toothbrushes are in the second/guest bathroom and I think that is gross but we can't brush our teeth in OUR bedroom because Mini Mr. Bear has taken over and wakes to the vibrating of the brushes. There are "man wipes" on the counter, yes. I use them for my 3 year old nephew who hasn't mastered the art of cleanup. Today his bathroom break ended in a bath, I'll spare you the details. You can see Baby Bear is watching him play Superman in the tub rather than smile for me in the mirror. Yes, I still have a baby belly pooch. I'm afraid I will NOT be that girl who updates her Facebook page 6 minutes after giving birth letting the world know I'm in my pre-pregnancy jeans again. Oh size 4 how I miss you. Ok.....size 6. But still, compared to size 11million that's not too shabby. Also....is it legal to eat my child's toes? *NOM NOM NOM* Lastley....my mom rocks. She knitted those adorable shorties and I'm in love. Oh, and yes, my towels are disheveled. Would you like to come fix them?

The Song That Never Ends

Ok. I should have known that I either posted the whole year at once, or settle for half the year, because I only get on at night and usually once the wee one is in bed I'm glued to one of our many t.v. addictions OR sleeping along side her. But really there isn't much to report about the remainder of '09. Two major events make up the rest of the year.

There was this (our trip to Rhode Island to visit Grampy while 7 months pregnant):



and of course this (you should be able to figure this one out no?):



I'd say the trip got the raw end of the deal because it was totally cool BUT having a baby was way more awesome. Way more. Except the part of bringing her into this world. That was kind of a bitch.

Anyway, now I have THIS (photo taken by Wickenden):



and I kid you not it is the most incredible time of my life. Exhausting, fulfilling, maddening, simply amazing every single moment of every single day (notice I said day, not night, because nighttime is NO LONGER amazing in our house). But alas, this blog has seen too much pregnancy, too much baby (wait is that even possible?), and not enough of the old "raw" Melissa. I admit, my life IS baby and little else but I'm still in there somewhere and I guess I'd like to get that back, at least on this little blog. Of course as I have typed all this I've been up about a half dozen times to go put my little bug back to sleep and it makes writing anything, especially writing selfishly for or about myself, extremely difficult. It's a challenge and I am going to take it....ADDITIONALLY I'll be updating our new aptly titled website, The AngryBears with a family blog, recipes we're trying, pictures Mr. Bear or I have taken...and whatever else I can find to make our lives seem more interesting than they really are. So I hope you'll visit my site regularly and comment letting me know how awesome it is *hint hint* while still making THIS site a guilty pleasure (due to the bad comedy and swear words your mom/dad/husband/wife/guardian doesn't want you associating with online).

Over and out.