My sweet daughter is a wreck without her sleep. If she doesn't nap well or if she becomes overtired she is a snotty mess of tears, eye rubbing, and general hysterics. As I type she is buried beneath my blankets, snuggled into my pillows, her little hand clutching my shirt, snoozing away in my bed. I dared to put her in her bed when she wanted to nap next to mama and she quite literally had a melt down. I tried to let her cry a bit and then re-binky her, which usually wears her out so she falls right to sleep, but alas she sobbed even louder and craned her neck searching for my arms. I couldn't deny her. After just a moment of sobs and snuggles in my bed she fell fast asleep. Although she sleeps just fine at night in her own bed there is something about napping in a big soft bed with me by her side. I don't suppose I can blame her. I enjoy napping amongst soft feathery down myself. A hard cold mini mattress doesn't quite compare. *this image is her asleep in my parents bed the day we moved from the condo. She needed to nap but her bed was in transit. She left sweaty head marks on my dad's pillow. Sweetness.
The little imp loves to sleep but is terrible at it, unfortunately. Just when I think maybe she's getting better she will have an awful night where she wakes every two hours. It isn't that she is difficult to put down at night. She just has a hard time staying asleep without waking for her binky, nursies, or just some warm snuggles. Last night was heaven though. She went down with minimal tears around 8ish (after her first bath sitting up on her own. She LOVED that!) and didn't make a peep before Mr. Bear and I turned in for the night (usually I have to go in to her at least once). We talked a bit in bed, still not a stir from her bed a foot or so away. Hours later I woke from an unnerving, reoccurring dream wherein I am stopped driving down a long road by a group of young kids. They demand I step out of the car and when I do I realize they have guns and are deciding if they should kill me or not. Usually I escape but it is never easy and I wake very upset and restless.
Anyway, after I woke I noticed that there was, errr, some discomfort in my chest and I checked the time. 2 AM. I checked the baby to make sure she was breathing (she was) and tried to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned and checked on her a few more times hoping she'd just wake up and nurse so I could go back to sleep. Finally well after 3 AM she peeped just a bit and I practically jumped out of bed to get her. She barely latched on before drifting back to sleep and I had to put her back to bed feeling only the smallest bit relieved. I tossed and turned for another hour before finally falling asleep myself. I was happy when she woke at 6 AM crying out for food. As is our morning custom I let her stay in bed with me and she chatted herself into dreamland sleeping until 10 AM. It was lovely.
I want to hope that she'll sleep so well again tonight (this time I'll be prepared with my pump set up in the other room if I wake) but it never happens two nights in a row. In fact she'll probably wake every hour just to make up for it. Who knows, one of these days maybe she'll surprise me. I'm used to no sleep so when it happens it happens. I never thought I'd adjust but now exhausted is just normal to me. Don't tell Mr. Bear that not waking to nurse will be something I truly miss. She's growing so fast that I don't want to encourage her to grow any faster. My silly, sweet, sweet baby girl.