Back, with balance

I realize I've been MIA for that last month. I'm pretty sure I've missed you (this blog and my reader aka my mom) more than you've missed me.

We have a bit of a drama queen on our hands

 The truth; I was getting a little distracted by technology and, added to the fact that there was A LOT going on in our lives that was causing both The Bear and I a lot of heartache, I just felt like I wasn't being the wife and mama that I should be. The overwhelming sadness, anger, & frustration of things combined with the distractions of the internet that I used to avoid doing what I needed/wanted to do, had put me far behind. So, I gave some of it up for a while. For over a day I gave all of it up but when I was out with my sister dropping cars off and she got lost and couldn't call me....well, let's just say my AngryBear wasn't too pleased with me and insisted I take my phone with me going forward. That day without caring about anything else but what was right in front of me? It felt really good.

Now The Bear and I feel a little more calm and content, and I think it's safe to say we are stronger and loving each other more than ever, I feel a little more capable to handle distractions without letting them take over. Time management isn't my best trait and so as long and I somehow manage to keep a healthy balance there is no reason I shouldn't do the things I really enjoying doing for myself. Like being a blob on the computer!

And finding time to pamper my "Queena", as she calls herself

Life is crazy around here, with or without the extra distractions.Our home is full of love and chaos and the end of every day leaves me completely spent. I haven't felt so in need of a regular mama break since Mad was just a little newborn crying, pooping, and throwing up all the time. The last few weeks I've been choosing to work on my own schedule, doing things that make me happy instead of the things that always have to get done every day no matter how many times I do them (ie. dishes, laundry, bed making, picking up toys etc). I've reorganized pantries, worked on some projects, thrown away or donated the excess in our life, and attempted to keep the throw pillows on the couch more tidy than they usually are, although you'd never know it since everyone else seems to be working against me. Priorities amirite? It's safe to say that if you walked into my house at any given moment there would still be a play room full of baskets turned upside down, a sink full of dishes, and a baby still in jammies. But, I'm finding peace (don't I always say that?) with the way things are.

Somehow while eliminating things I also acquired others. This is Callie, she adds to the chaos for sure.

Too Tired to Come Up With a Title. for reals.

You guys. I just have to say this. The last week of nights (does that even make any sense?) has been an absolute circus for this Bear house. I'm totally not even kidding. It all started over something so teeny tiny that you would almost not believe it (ok, you would)....a mouse. An itty bitty mouse. Seriously. Have you seen Coraline? It looked just like the circus mice, but probably even smaller! One night a week or so ago we discovered Mew (the cat, remember?) had a little mouse cornered in the hall. The Bear scooped it up in paper towel and let him go outside. One of the many things I super love about my Mr. Bear? His big ol' bear heart. He is so compassionate when it comes to animals of all shapes and sizes!

Anyway, that's the end right? This was for sure just a random event. Mew had just found this mouse in the garage so we'll put up traps or whatever and never worry about it again. That's what I was telling myself the next day while I was locked in the car, with Mad, sans shoes, while Mew chased another itty bitty mouse around the hallway. I actually called The Bear home from a work lunch (turns out he was test driving cars instead) to take care of the SURELY DEAD IN THE HOUSE mouse. However, the cat was snoozing and the mouse was no where to be seen, dead or alive.

Pest control came and set up super professional traps and told me that there was no sign of mice living in the house so that means they are coming from some random hole outside the house and entering our vents. NO BIG DEAL!!! That night I woke hearing the cat running around the bedroom like a crazed animal. I was tired and completely out of it so I shined my cell phone light on the floor where, you guessed it, I saw Mew chasing another tiny mouse around my bedroom. Mr. Bear got up, still in his sleeping stupor (which, I don't know if I've mentioned before but he can function completely while asleep and not remember a single thing the next day, kind of like the first 4 months of Mad's nightlife) and caught the mouse, again releasing it in the field outside our house.

Every night since then I have been absolutely petrified of Mew bringing a mouse up onto the bed and dropping it on my face, half alive. Because Mew just does.not.get.it. when it comes to my personal space at night. She will gladly sit on my nightstand taking a mini spur of the moment bath in my water cup before putting her nose to mine trying to check if I'm still awake (I AM NOW!!!) and settling down to bat at my hair until she falls asleep. I'm co-sleeping with my cat you guys. Anyway, several times a night now I wake from a dead sleep hearing Mew chase another mouse around the room. My heart will be beating out of my chest as I search wildly around the floor for a mouse, kicking my blankets in case it's been dropped at my feet, and waking The Bear only to be reassured that there is no mouse.

My energy level is suffering greatly from the lack of consistent sleep and nighttime stress and anxiety. I hear every little noise and I'm sleeping in genuine fear of waking up to another mouse incident. Last night around 2 AM Mew jumped on the bed and pounced right on my legs. It was a mouse attack! I bolted up and kicked my mouse infested blankets in the air, sending Mew flying across the room, mumbling incoherently and trying to catch my breath. It was just Mew's favorite mouse toy so, phew, I could go back to sleep. Except now my baby was crying in her bed. And she has a fever. And she's totally wired. And wants to roll around my bed instead of sleep. Of course as soon as she falls asleep Mew is mewing around my legs playing with her toy and attacking invisible mice leaving me exhausted and cranky in the morning just in time to take my feverish baby to the doctor, deal with multiple exhausted outbursts (her's not mine, but I totally wanted to), waiting 40 minutes at the pharmacy and then losing my keys. If I never hear the word mouse again it will be too soon.

Oh, she has an ear infection. Again. The third one this year. I'm convinced it's because the first infections never actually healed completely. Anyone have any magic tips for helping her little ear clear up once and for all?

P.S. I know the little mouse did try to come back, yet again, because I found it's teeny tiny dead body on my front patio. Ew!

Confessions

When Mad was still my little Baby Bear, about 10 months old, I was just starting to get back into the swing of things as far as cleaning, laundry, & oh you know REAL LIFE goes. I wrote about it a lot and here is one example. About that same time Mad was still napping 3 times a day for 45 minutes to an hour each time. The last nap of the day I allowed myself to sit on the bed and browse the computer, read, nap, or just do whatever I felt like I needed to do for myself. When you have a baby that seems like a foreign concept because every inch of your body and soul belong to that little being.

Still, I felt guilty about that time and felt the need to justify it to The Bear. Basically, I imagine he's upset about things and I get all defensive and stuff. Poor guy. ANYWAY, I was telling him that I felt like I worked hard all day, cleaning, cooking baby meals, playing, teaching, doing all the stuff that mom's do, and when that last nap time came I deserved to spend some time for myself not working hard. I can't recall the exact words he used but in a nutshell he said that it was fine but he didn't think most people got that time in their work day. Insert fiery, burning, flames of rage igniting behind my eyeballs.

Never mind what he was ACTUALLY saying (I've never quite figured out what his point was exactly but it wasn't meant to illicit such an offended reaction from me aka he wasn't meaning to be mean) I was entirely focused on my own interpretation. Apparently it's a habit with me. To me he had just said I was lazy and didn't deserve any time to sit quietly by myself because people who work at "regular" jobs never get a break for themselves! As if! If I had been thinking like a sane human being I would have laughed and asked him what he read on Engadget that afternoon and then I would tell him about his co-workers updates they had Facebooked earlier....while they were "working" without a break. I'm sure we fought about that one. Or I was mad and didn't speak to him until the next morning. Either way, me now is laughing at me then. Because this morning we had to talk about how I left him without clean undershirts and he was going to have to do his own laundry. And napping with Mad is a regular occurrence in my life. So is eating cheesecake for breakfast. I've welcomed the lazy in my life and I'm, mostly, ok with that. That is my first confession. It is kind of related to my third. But not really, I just wanted to tell this story.

Me being lazy with my leggy blond snuggled next to me.

My second makes me really sad to confess publicly. You remember that sweety sweet dog we adopted? Well, it just didn't work out. Yes, we were that couple who got a dog and then had to find a new home for him. He was so sweet and tender, and he loved The Bear sooo much. Too much. There was a constant struggle between he and Mad over attention from him and the poor doggie just didn't understand his actual HUGE size. The anxiety over Mr. Bear's affection didn't get better with time and when a baby is concerned there isn't a whole lot of wiggle room in the time department. We found him a home with two loving parents who had been searching for this exact dog breed at this exact age and for that exact price (free with all accessories included). So, with lots of tears we let him go with instructions to let him sleep in their bed and give him lots of hugs and made them promise that if he was too much they would call us. They didn't. I'm happy that he is happy. This leads me to my third confession.....

Mad loves every kind of animal. She has gotten so good with our parents dogs (there are 7 between the two houses!) and spoils them with unwanted affection and (very much wanted) table scraps. I wanted her to have her own pet to love and care for so when The Bear gave an opening I agreed to let he and Mad get......a cat. I know what you're all thinking. Ok, well, I don't, but I know what I'M thinking when I write that. I'm allergic to cats. As in, itchy eyes and hives if I have too much contact, nothing major BUT STILL! I don't even like cats, I think they are weird. That is how much I A) love my animal loving daughter and B) love my self proclaimed cat lover AngryBear. We agreed to look and see if there was one for adoption that was the right fit for us. There was, and now we have a 2 year old cat. Carly, I know if you're reading this you are totally disgusted with me (and amazed that I would do such a thing!) but Mew, that is what we named her her since that is all Mad will call her, is fairly easy going and non-offensive in all the normal "things I hate about cats" ways. Am I trying to convince you or me? Both maybe?

Meet Mew. She likes to sleep on our kitchen chairs.

We've had her for several days now and I'm ashamed to say that she hasn't bothered me one little bit and has molded right into our lives like she's always been here. She loves me. A lot. I don't know why but I'm guessing it's because we have one thing in common, she's lazy. She napped through two nap times today, in the baby's room, without making a peep. If I HAVE to have a cat she is the cat to have. And that, friends, is my big confession. I never ever ever thought I would have a cat. Ew. See below for why it is totally worth it.

"Hi Mew, hi Mew!"

"Oooooohhhhh Mew!"