Confessions

When Mad was still my little Baby Bear, about 10 months old, I was just starting to get back into the swing of things as far as cleaning, laundry, & oh you know REAL LIFE goes. I wrote about it a lot and here is one example. About that same time Mad was still napping 3 times a day for 45 minutes to an hour each time. The last nap of the day I allowed myself to sit on the bed and browse the computer, read, nap, or just do whatever I felt like I needed to do for myself. When you have a baby that seems like a foreign concept because every inch of your body and soul belong to that little being.

Still, I felt guilty about that time and felt the need to justify it to The Bear. Basically, I imagine he's upset about things and I get all defensive and stuff. Poor guy. ANYWAY, I was telling him that I felt like I worked hard all day, cleaning, cooking baby meals, playing, teaching, doing all the stuff that mom's do, and when that last nap time came I deserved to spend some time for myself not working hard. I can't recall the exact words he used but in a nutshell he said that it was fine but he didn't think most people got that time in their work day. Insert fiery, burning, flames of rage igniting behind my eyeballs.

Never mind what he was ACTUALLY saying (I've never quite figured out what his point was exactly but it wasn't meant to illicit such an offended reaction from me aka he wasn't meaning to be mean) I was entirely focused on my own interpretation. Apparently it's a habit with me. To me he had just said I was lazy and didn't deserve any time to sit quietly by myself because people who work at "regular" jobs never get a break for themselves! As if! If I had been thinking like a sane human being I would have laughed and asked him what he read on Engadget that afternoon and then I would tell him about his co-workers updates they had Facebooked earlier....while they were "working" without a break. I'm sure we fought about that one. Or I was mad and didn't speak to him until the next morning. Either way, me now is laughing at me then. Because this morning we had to talk about how I left him without clean undershirts and he was going to have to do his own laundry. And napping with Mad is a regular occurrence in my life. So is eating cheesecake for breakfast. I've welcomed the lazy in my life and I'm, mostly, ok with that. That is my first confession. It is kind of related to my third. But not really, I just wanted to tell this story.

Me being lazy with my leggy blond snuggled next to me.

My second makes me really sad to confess publicly. You remember that sweety sweet dog we adopted? Well, it just didn't work out. Yes, we were that couple who got a dog and then had to find a new home for him. He was so sweet and tender, and he loved The Bear sooo much. Too much. There was a constant struggle between he and Mad over attention from him and the poor doggie just didn't understand his actual HUGE size. The anxiety over Mr. Bear's affection didn't get better with time and when a baby is concerned there isn't a whole lot of wiggle room in the time department. We found him a home with two loving parents who had been searching for this exact dog breed at this exact age and for that exact price (free with all accessories included). So, with lots of tears we let him go with instructions to let him sleep in their bed and give him lots of hugs and made them promise that if he was too much they would call us. They didn't. I'm happy that he is happy. This leads me to my third confession.....

Mad loves every kind of animal. She has gotten so good with our parents dogs (there are 7 between the two houses!) and spoils them with unwanted affection and (very much wanted) table scraps. I wanted her to have her own pet to love and care for so when The Bear gave an opening I agreed to let he and Mad get......a cat. I know what you're all thinking. Ok, well, I don't, but I know what I'M thinking when I write that. I'm allergic to cats. As in, itchy eyes and hives if I have too much contact, nothing major BUT STILL! I don't even like cats, I think they are weird. That is how much I A) love my animal loving daughter and B) love my self proclaimed cat lover AngryBear. We agreed to look and see if there was one for adoption that was the right fit for us. There was, and now we have a 2 year old cat. Carly, I know if you're reading this you are totally disgusted with me (and amazed that I would do such a thing!) but Mew, that is what we named her her since that is all Mad will call her, is fairly easy going and non-offensive in all the normal "things I hate about cats" ways. Am I trying to convince you or me? Both maybe?

Meet Mew. She likes to sleep on our kitchen chairs.

We've had her for several days now and I'm ashamed to say that she hasn't bothered me one little bit and has molded right into our lives like she's always been here. She loves me. A lot. I don't know why but I'm guessing it's because we have one thing in common, she's lazy. She napped through two nap times today, in the baby's room, without making a peep. If I HAVE to have a cat she is the cat to have. And that, friends, is my big confession. I never ever ever thought I would have a cat. Ew. See below for why it is totally worth it.

"Hi Mew, hi Mew!"

"Oooooohhhhh Mew!"

Avoiding

Avoiding. Lately that's all I've been doing.

Like now. I'm justifying sitting at the computer during nap time because :
♥ The kitchen is (mostly) clean
♥ I've already decided against washing my hair today (should I have kept that a secret? Probably not because if you see me out in public you'll be able to tell by looking at my rat's nest!)
♥ I made the bed once this week and that is enough
♥  I just don't feel all that pressed to do anything above and beyond today

The reality is :

♥ I need to clean up my morning coffee mess (french press, while delicious beyond measure, does not make itself nor does it tidy up on it's own when I am done)
♥ I am always happier with a made bed, plus I'm less likely to get BACK IN bed if it looks pretty ♥ Laundry is, as always, piled up waiting to be attended to
♥ and basically there a millions of things I've been avoiding this week that need to be done

The reason almost all my blogging references cleaning, or not cleaning, is because when that is NOT what I want to be doing I generally end up here. Hoping I'll convince myself to do what needs to be done.

I don't consider myself a lazy person but, oh boy, have I been lazy lately! It started with a cold that last way too long. Now I've been feeling really un-rested and sore every morning (I can't find a good sleep position!) which makes me drag all morning. Once afternoon hits Miss Mad wants nothing more than for me to hold her or sit quietly and watch her do what she does (make messes). I know I sound like a broken record, I'm sorry! I want sun and more energy, is that too much to ask???

Truthfully I think it all really does have to do with the cold (weather not sickness, but that too I guess). It gets me down when the end of April is just around the corner and I am stuck inside with grey skies staring at me through the windows. Mad begs to play outside every time she passes the back door. My gardens are overrun with weeds that I ignored last fall when it started to get out of control. My body aches with lack of exercise (walks to the park anyone?).

So, I've been doing you all a favor by not writing more often. If I did it would all read exactly like the last dozen posts. I'll be better! Don't leave ok? I promise to be more interesting. In fact, The Bear and I have a delightful trip planned to (somewhere) in California to drink wine and be merry. I won't blog, yet, about how much I know I'll miss my Baby Bear and how I'm a little scared that she'll be sad without me. Because, and this is me not blogging about missing her, she and I have been really attached lately. She's my little buddy. See?

How I Keep My House Clean.....this week

Being a mother means constantly finding balance. We juggle children, chores, work, personal sanity, and don't forget our relationship with our husbands/boyfriends/significant others, friends, & family! My life, especially in these dim days of miserable gray skies and freezing temperatures, revolves around sleep, food, and chores. I get lost in the mess of things, often.

What a consistent thought process keeping my home, and life, clean and organized can be for me! It isn't always easy for me to spend every hour cleaning. I like to live at a more leisurely pace, getting a thing done here and a thing done there, just wishing everything into place while I drink coffee before it goes cold and shower before 2 in the afternoon. So, my goal is to make the reality a little easier to face.

I've tried several methods to confront the madness; doing all the laundry on one day, never going to bed with a messy kitchen, deep cleaning on weekends, cleaning as I go....they all turned into this all consuming never ending mess.

I realized something the other day when I started my Spring cleaning tasks. If things are DEEP DOWN clean they are easier to pick up. The deep down clean is what I have a hard time getting around to. It's what makes us grumpy on the weekends when we want to be taking naps and going for walks. They are the tasks that can be totally overwhelming when you only do them once a month. I'm not talking about wiping the counter tops, but elbow grease scrubbing them, and sanitizing them, and putting all the little things that accumulate in random drawers into a place they actually belong. And the laundry? Right now I'm ok with doing laundry every day if it means I do it from start to finish and always have clean clothes to choose from. The picking up of all the toys? No matter how many times you clean them in a day they WILL get pulled back out again. So, let them get played with, and enjoy the playing. If I'm not constantly picking them up the second she walks away I might actually enjoy the toys with her and she might actually learn some stuff in the process (imagine that!).

This brings me to my current method, one that I'm really liking, a daily checklist. I am NOT a list person. I don't make grocery lists, to do lists, cleaning lists, they just annoy me. Or, they used to. I don't think I'll go list crazy any time soon but having a few things every day that I can accomplish, without forgetting or changing my mind, and then eliminate from the list is really an easy method. Another benefit? The more often a bathroom gets cleaned, floors get steamed, blinds get dusted, the less time it takes to do the next week. And picking up a mountain of toys at the end of the day is the simplest of my tasks.  If something on the list doesn't get done? I roll it over to the next day.

To make this work I don't put simple chores on the list (laundry DOES go on the list because I need to have a goal of what loads I need to get done or I do NO loads). Dishes? Bed making? Pillow fluffing? Sweeping up from lunch? I do all of those jobs in reverse order. When I have a few minutes in the morning I make my bed because that is the very last thing that will get messy again. The toys I generally ignore unless I have guests coming over, time to burn during naps, or they have to be cleaned up to do a list job (like floors).

My question for you today is, what is your method to keep life under control? Are you a clean freak that actually enjoys constant cleaning and will never be ok with toys underfoot until after the baby is in bed? Are you happy with clean laundry residing in baskets until you need something (like the internet famous Kelly Hampton who you really should read if you like pictures and adorable babies)? A couple other random blog posts about cleaning that I like.....here and here .

Scrub A Dub Dub

So, Spring is officially here and that means I have to get my butt in gear and get things prepared to be cleaned again so my house is nice and organized, and deep down clean, for the warm months when we will be spending our time and attention in the disaster we call a backyard.

This week my goal is to finish the kitchen, and keep in mind I am spending next to nothing so my costly organizing ideas are just going to have to wait. Yesterday I cleared counters, rearranged a little bit, and scrubbed them clean (all those edges and corners that tend to get a little less attention), as well as de-cluttered a few drawers, tossing things that I don't need (like all those hand mixer accessories when I don't even have, use, or need a hand mixer) and storing them where they will be the most useful. It looked pretty good if I do say so myself, even though when I clean like this I think of all the things I wish I could change about my kitchen. Why yes, I did leave my garbage in the middle of the floor, thank you very much.
Like the cupboards. They are pretty, but I want a bright kitchen with white cupboards. So, I decorate as if it were the kitchen of my dreams and I have to shrug it off when I feel like it doesn't look all that put together. The lack of color is one of the few complaints I have in this house. I'll probably change my mind on my kitchen desires in a few years anyway. Such is the life of a mother who spends too much time in one room.....
I've been inspired to try and find some more design friendly items to store my frequently used sink items in. Hand soap, dish soap, and lotion to be specific. Previously they were in a little metal holder and I hated it. I didn't love the metal look, it felt dirty and scratchy on the counter (I felt like it was going to rust), there was no color, & not really any design whatsoever. So, Mad and I popped over to Pier 1 to check out what we could find. A serving dish, a colorful coaster, and a pretty plate came home with me. This is what I ended up with. Can I just say that I love Pier 1 for stuff like this?
Isn't it so cute? I couldn't believe how perfectly the little dip dish worked for this project! I want to get a cute lotion and soap dispenser but for now this is perfect! $6 total for both of these, plus another $8 for the plate and an additional coaster that aren't being used here but will definitely be put to use.

Now that Mad is napping peacefully (and hopefully for a couple of hours) I'm going to grab a much needed shower, brush my teeth, help myself to another cup of coffee, and get to work on reorganizing the cupboards. Sad that it takes me until 2 PM to brush my teeth. I really need to make that a priority....on days when I'm not in a rush to get all my Spring cleaning done.

The only way to deal with tantrums these days.

Sunny Days

This week we played in the sun. What glorious moments they were. Today Mad has an outrageous ear infection that gives cause to scream every time I lay her down for a diaper change (currently trying to figure out how to change a diaper with her standing up) and, oh, just about any other moment that things don't go exactly her way. She scrunches up her little nose, pokes her lips out, puffs her cheeks, furrows her brow and lets out several head splitting screams. This cannot be good for her ears but she continues to do so at every available moment.


Whenever I walk into my house I can smell sour water. Kind of like laundry gone bad except I don't have any of that. It's probably the sink, it was leaking in the base and instead of fixing the leak we just stopped using that side of the sink, but it's driving me nuts trying to figure out how to get it to go away. When there is a smell I dislike I break out the Scentsy and then bleach all the surfaces I can get my hands on. I guess this means I have to find the energy to do this today. If you recall my paragraph from above you understand that this might be difficult. I haven't had my bed to myself all week and my little darling isn't exactly a middle of the bed sleeper. No, she prefers to sleep on my head. Gives new meaning to a headache.

I've learned this week that if I only have a few dollars in my pocket and I'm out to grab lunch.....I'd rather feed the baby and get coffee for myself. Coffee is so much more productive than food in my belly. Mad has learned that she likes screaming at me, sitting in baskets, pushing her stroller outside, and just being outside in general. When we are mid diaper change slash scream fest I just ask her if she wants to go play outside or walk to the park. That shuts her up (sound harsh, but boy is it true!). Girl loves her some sunshine. Who can blame her?

The bleach is calling my name. Also, my daughter has filled up every container with every item she could round up so I guess nap time and clutter clean up is also on my morning itinerary.

To Eat or Not to Eat....

I'm puttering around my quiet, post bedtime, house trying to get things done (while not actually working too hard) and I swear that all the sweets and treats in the house are calling my name. Whispering sweet nothings in my ear as I organize groceries in the refrigerator, taunting me with their bubbles and toppings of whipped cream or raspberries as I try to fold my laundry, begging me to stop washing those dishes and sit down with just one cup/slice/piece/bit before I nod off to sleep with my little Baby Bear snuggled in beside me. Curse you holiday that is an excuse to buy things that don't belong in this chubby household!

The Bear, admittedly loathing of such a ridiculous a holiday as Valentines Day, brought home Godiva Chocolate Truffles, Raspberry Almond Torte, Expensive Red Wines, among other goodies and they are all half eaten waiting for me to give in and indulge for the second night in a row. Ridiculous! I should just throw it all out, but the sugar addict in me just cannot let go!

{Mad Mads in her Valentines outfit...well before Valentines Day since we were sick and unable to move on Monday. She's sweeter than any treat!!!}

I'm trying to keep my hands busy with projects but my brain is going a million miles an hour and I can't even focus on getting a single task accomplished. I don't blame this lack of focus, entirely, on the sugar cravings. It's been a really long week. A long month. A long year in fact (is it a bad sign if I'm saying this at the beginning of month 2?), and I am tending to avoid the things that simply must be done. Today, instead of putting laundry away (at least 3 loads waiting on the couch for my undivided attention) I got down and dirty with my spray paints and have almost finished up a little project in the kitchen and one in the laundry room. It takes so much longer during these cold, dirty, months so now, when I am literally a few sprays away from being done I find myself wandering to other jobs. My non perishable groceries are sitting quietly on the living room rug waiting for me to assign them a home. Instead, I am blogging. About all these things I should be doing, but am not, because I can't stop my mind from wanting to eat and then relax.

My Mad and I are slowly recovering from a terrible illness that has plagued our home for an entire week now. She is coughing constantly and her nose is one big scab from the constant flow of snot I try to keep from dripping into her mouth, I have a throat that is swollen, but not enough to keep me from enjoying the taste of aforementioned foods. We both are tired and cranky and ready to feel 100% again. House tending isn't really what I want to be doing tonight but I know when I wake in the morning I'll be even crankier if I have to deal with sick Baby and dirty home. The incredible, and frustrating, fact is that The Bear and I LITERALLY scrubbed this place from top to bottom over the weekend while the sun was shining and we had the energy. It smelled like Pledge and freshly washed floors. Now it looks just the way it always seems to, cluttered and in need of my attention.

{My kitchen project, waiting for colored hooks to screw into the bottom as key holders. Previously it was black, one of those multi-purpose boards from Target.}

Cleanliness is Happiness

One of the most difficult things about settling into a home is getting organized. Ugh. Just thinking about it is frustrating for me.

I totally admit that all my cleaning and organization skills(z!) are practiced NOT inherent. I was the messiest kid and for the first few years of my adult life my home was a wreck. Mostly I hated laundry, dishes, deep cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, & cleaning up after other people. So, basically I hated life in the cleaning zone. Previously I was married to slob of a man who didn't know how to put a dish in the sink, let alone rinse it off, who wouldn't mind climbing over laundry piles to get out of bed, who didn't notice the difference between a pee stained toilet and a freshly bleached one. Then you add into the mix his disgusting friends that were a constant at our house? Yeah. Not a pretty picture (don't get me wrong, I was partially to blame and I know that. Like I said, cleaning was never a natural thing for me.)

Re-building my life from the ground up after my divorce gave me a new appreciation for my "stuff" and my space. I enjoyed having clean clothes neatly organized (it helped that I was skinny enough to enjoy wearing those clothes) in my closet, I enjoyed displaying my jewelry on pretty hangers, I found my happy place in vacuuming floors. I was far from perfect, still am, but I started practicing and building habits that would make my life happier, cleaner, and more organized.

So, back to the house organization. The clutter, oh how it taunts me. Batteries, cords, single socks, scissors, papers, tools big and small, pictures, books, cleaning supplies, wrapping supplies, holiday decor, constant laundry piles (the consistency of dirty laundry makes it clutter), toys, dog items, more toys, kitchen knick nacks. I mean, seriously, the list could go on and on. This isn't even the half of it and if you are a normal human living a normal human life you probably totally get what I'm saying here. I've had enough!!!!!!!!

Last week I posted a picture of my before and after laundry room. I wish I could say that it was the first time I had to totally clean out that room but, oh boy, how the clutter builds up in such a small narrow space. It was probably the third for fourth time! I've been so happy with the final results of that day. The cupboards were organized for the first time since we moved in and I have a lot of great plans to make that space functional, and pretty. Everyone, Google search "awesome laundry rooms" and you will see my inspirations!

So, my goal is to do one space at a time until every nook and cranny in my home is neat and tidy and prepped to stay that way by giving every little piece of clutter a labeled home.

This week, inspired by this photo, I started on my pantry and refrigerator (one of those places that requires constant attention).
{via Tidymom}
Beautiful right?!?!?!? (check out her post for suggestions on how to make the most of a pantry do over)

I forgot to take a picture at the beginning of my work and it's probably a good thing. Look at the bottom shelf of this "mid" before picture. The entire thing looked like that, or worse!!!


After about an hour of purging, wiping down, categorizing, and arranging I got it looking like this:

It's nothing like my inspiration picture because I don't really have ANY budget to work with so the cute containers, baskets, labels etc are going to have to wait. For now this is ten million times easier to live with. It's been a few days and we've managed to keep it this way. Mad loves to go in there and search for "crackers". Which is basically any crunchy snack. I love to open the door and know where things are. Hopefully I'll have a pretty pantry when all is said and done and I can't wait to get to work on that! I didn't take pictures of my fridge (be grateful!) but it is like a different world in there.

Right now the three of us are battling The Sickness and I don't have much hope of getting anything done this week. But, with a lot of Zicam, Vitamin C, and some Thera Flu miracles, could definitely happen. I haven't even decided which space to start next because a lot of my "to do" areas need money spent to make my time worth while. I suppose I now need to learn to organize on a budget!

People, I just want to link you to my new favorite blog that has really given me the drive to get things done. IHeart Organizing. The blog, and the creator, are great and it really inspires me to get shiz done around here. My home style is totally different than hers. Meaning, the framework of my home just doesn't compliment modern, but her ideas are a push in the right direction and it helps me get excited about what I can do around here. Add her to your blog feed friends!

I admit that most days my dishes are dirty and sitting in the sink, toys are scattered, and, like today, every item in every drawer in my bathroom has been pulled out to decorate the floor to my toddler's liking, I just know that this is a step in the right direction in making my cleaning life easier and less all consuming. Oh, and ALL of it is ten million times better than what my younger self would have had going on! Ew to the old and in with the (not so) new!

No Shadow Celebration! - Wordless Wednesday

Cooking & Cleaning DID Wait

The house smells clean. Clean because it is actually super clean and clean like a Scentsy smell clean. I love both types. My baby bear is better after a couple days of a nasty nasty cold, though her nose and cheeks are red and raw from all the epic snot wiping, and sleeping blissfully in her bed. The dog is snoozing on the freshly cleaned couch, Mr. Bear is using him as an armrest. Christmas is 100% taken down (well, 99% if you count the garland sitting in the hallway upstairs where you can't even see so it's basically considered put away). The bathroom is freshly organized. The huge piles of holiday laundry, diapers and clothing, are soooooo close to being done. I'm in my jammies and slippers.

Basically life would be perfect if I were drinking a glass of wine, instead of bloating beer, and if the few loads of laundry, diapers AND clothing, would fold themselves. But it's worth it to at least have SOMETHING to drink (which makes me sound like an alchy, I'm not, I swear it was just one of those days/nights) and to have a perfectly clean closet with perfectly clean clothes. I won't focus on how, after our two week peppermint shake binge, those clothes all fit just a little worse than they were fitting pre-Christmas.

Tomorrow The Bear ends his two week, almost completely work free, vaca. That is nearly impossible for him and to tell you the truth I don't think we've ever spent this much time together without constant work interruptions. It's been incredible.

This week feels busy. Not because it is ACTUALLY busy but because I can't help but mentally fill it up with things I want/need to get done. I do have a couple appointments but I have a mile long list of projects I want to start RIGHT THIS MINUTE. That attitude usually exhausts me to the point of not completing a single thing. It's also the reason I have spray paint sitting in my garage and several frames sitting, NOT hanging, at the top of my coat closet. Maybe I should start with finishing what I've actually started before I start something new? Not likely.

Now it's off to fold the dreaded laundry and hopefully get to bed before the little one wakes and demands some middle of the night snuggles. Here's a random picture. I love her face to death and want to kiss it right now. This is also my favorite diaper right now. Doncha just love it?

Weekend Warrior (not the Churchy kind)

There is truly nothing like a quiet house on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. NOTHING! Ok, maybe a really nice bottle of wine and a piece of exquisite chocolate cake in addition to a quiet house, but one can't have everything all at once.....

The Bear was busy this morning getting the yard ready for Winter. It's amazing how fast time flies. It feels like just yesterday we were moving into this house and feeling overwhelmed with all the work to get done. That is not to say we have all the things we need to make this home exactly what I want but we knocked out a huge chunk this Summer and now we have a BEAUTIFUL lawn. It's a little bit depressing to know that just as the weeds are starting to fade and all the dry patches have filled we have to Winterize the yard and get ready for the first snow. This morning I walked out to a beautiful green back yard and marveled at how much more I love my house now that it doesn't look all white trash with mile high weeds and dead lawn. I just have to keep reminding myself how great it will be next year *sigh*.

Baby Bear is walking now and it's safe to say she keeps me on my toes. She just goes and goes and goes, then passes out for a 2 hour nap only to wake up and go a million miles an hour until the next nap. She's exhausting and wonderful all at the same time. Which is another reason weekends are so awesome. I know I'm lucky to have a partner to carry the load with me but during the week it all starts to build up and 5 days with barely enough energy/time to shower and get ready or keep things clean starts to push me over the edge. Then the weekend comes and I feel so relieved to know that I can clean during nap time and still get a shower because someone is here to help me. And today, when Baby Bear didn't want to nap, crying sounded much better apparently, and I was at the edge of sanity, Mr. Bear was there to take a turn so I could shower and get my shit back together. Also, he gets to stay in bed with us in the morning and feel the joy of snuggling in bed with a warm baby. If she'll hold still that is. So, exhausting & awesome! I'm glad he is here to share it all with me.

I have to add that as much as we will miss the warm days Baby Bear is sooo ready for Halloween! Check it out....