Monday, November 10, 2008

Buy Lists Wholesale

Too much anxiety. Must consume Xanax. It would also be nice if I could do all or any or perhaps just one of the following:

♥ Take a full week off of work from the Big Green
♥ Not live in a state where I freeze my ass off when I walk out the door
♥ Be normal
♥ Do something illegal....I have something in mind
♥ Ignore all of my calls and the incessant questions that follow
♥ Plant a tree that grows money
♥ Plant money and grow a tree (a regular one) which would subsequently make me a lot of money because, HELLO, money can't grow a tree!
♥ Have a lot of....er
♥ Lose pounds that I will not specify...without giving up peanut butter
♥ Hit something (not someone)
♥ Lay in the middle of a perfectly square field of perfectly green grass and stare up at the sky. For hours.
♥ Cry
♥ Listen to the rain in the dark without talking
♥ Run away to Ireland
♥ Work on a new project (p.s. I'm really good at finishing furniture....like, really good)
♥ Drink wine &/or Gin & Tonics (the official drink of this winter perhaps?)
♥ Write an AWESOME fan letter to Geof from Ace of Cakes. He's really quirky this season, yowza!
♥ Stop obsessing about lists (they aren't funny! and I don't get paid to be boring...also, your monthly subscription fee is late, ahem)
♥ Throw water balloons at stupid people who are in line for Twilight.
♥ Go to Twilight and talk loudly throughout the entire movie about how stupid it is.
♥ Wander around the book store
♥ Yell without feeling guilty

I think this is it....for now. Too much to ask for? I think not. Actually making the list itself made me feel really good. Not really. But kind of. I should add, "Make lists" but then I would have already done at least one thing from the list and I should feel better. And, well, that just isn't how this is supposed to work.

On second thought.....I just need to do one thing to feel better.

Buy new jeans.

Can I say the fuck word now? Because that isn't happening any time soon. The jeans I mean; I say fuck a lot. I guess I had better start composing that fan letter to Geof.

Also, I'm going to grovel as a pathetic attempt to get my old second job back. One might wonder why I ever quit. Well I'll tell you. It's because I'm a stubborn ass who can't admit when she is in the wrong. Can you blame me though? I'm really never wrong so obviously it took my by surprise! Come to think of it this is going to be much more difficult than I realize because I was totally not wrong.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Lose pounds.. without giving up peanut butter. ROFL. Very funny. I would like to lose the pounds without giving up.. anything.

And omg, let's do the Twilight thing TOGETHER!!! Either one of them!

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