Happy 2 Years

Dear Madeleine,

Today is your birthday. Two years ago I was holding you in my arms in a hospital bed, looking at you, knowing you, loving you. I thought you were beautiful then but, oh, I had no idea how beautiful you would become. How much my heart would melt when you looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes and called me "mama". How big my smile would be when I watched you play with your daddy, his little twin. How peaceful I would feel when you curled into my arms for a snuggle and I could breathe in the scent of your soft hair.

Mama and Mad a few hours after birth

Life with you is never, ever, boring. You have a million things to say and get so frustrated when I ask you to repeat yourself until I can actually figure what you are talking about. Everything is GO and RUN from the moment you wake up. I treasure the moments you decide you need to come to me for a "mama hug" and I can bundle you up in my arms and squeeze you tightly.

My one year old Mad

Happy Birthday my angel girl. Mama loves you to the moon, and back.

My great big piggy tailed 2 year old Mad

*more Mad heavy posts to come during the week ahead......

Back, with balance

I realize I've been MIA for that last month. I'm pretty sure I've missed you (this blog and my reader aka my mom) more than you've missed me.

We have a bit of a drama queen on our hands

 The truth; I was getting a little distracted by technology and, added to the fact that there was A LOT going on in our lives that was causing both The Bear and I a lot of heartache, I just felt like I wasn't being the wife and mama that I should be. The overwhelming sadness, anger, & frustration of things combined with the distractions of the internet that I used to avoid doing what I needed/wanted to do, had put me far behind. So, I gave some of it up for a while. For over a day I gave all of it up but when I was out with my sister dropping cars off and she got lost and couldn't call me....well, let's just say my AngryBear wasn't too pleased with me and insisted I take my phone with me going forward. That day without caring about anything else but what was right in front of me? It felt really good.

Now The Bear and I feel a little more calm and content, and I think it's safe to say we are stronger and loving each other more than ever, I feel a little more capable to handle distractions without letting them take over. Time management isn't my best trait and so as long and I somehow manage to keep a healthy balance there is no reason I shouldn't do the things I really enjoying doing for myself. Like being a blob on the computer!

And finding time to pamper my "Queena", as she calls herself

Life is crazy around here, with or without the extra distractions.Our home is full of love and chaos and the end of every day leaves me completely spent. I haven't felt so in need of a regular mama break since Mad was just a little newborn crying, pooping, and throwing up all the time. The last few weeks I've been choosing to work on my own schedule, doing things that make me happy instead of the things that always have to get done every day no matter how many times I do them (ie. dishes, laundry, bed making, picking up toys etc). I've reorganized pantries, worked on some projects, thrown away or donated the excess in our life, and attempted to keep the throw pillows on the couch more tidy than they usually are, although you'd never know it since everyone else seems to be working against me. Priorities amirite? It's safe to say that if you walked into my house at any given moment there would still be a play room full of baskets turned upside down, a sink full of dishes, and a baby still in jammies. But, I'm finding peace (don't I always say that?) with the way things are.

Somehow while eliminating things I also acquired others. This is Callie, she adds to the chaos for sure.

Finding Balance During Changes

For the last week and a half I've been volunteering at the Breastfeeding Cafe (coordinated with World Breastfeeding Week for the first week). That has kept me pretty busy and seeing that I'm giving about 4 hours a day, between driving and volunteer time, it's safe to say that I have a new appreciation for mama's who work out of the home, even part time. Whew! I'm tired and cranky at the end of the day and I have had no desire to do any of my usual chores. Add to that the fact that there are several OTHER reasons I have been a little bit down and lacking the energy and desire to do my duties and you can only imagine what a wreck my life is right now.

Volunteering has been wonderful and I'm so glad that I took the time this year to do it. It's bittersweet because I'm fairly certain that this will be the last year, possibly one of the last months, I'll be breastfeeding my sweet Mad. I know I WANT another baby, deep down anyway, but there is no guarantee that when the time comes we'll decide to go for another or that we'll even be able to have another. We were lucky with Mad and I know so many people struggle with infertility everyday so I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch (eggs before they fertilize??? Overshare??????). So, in my mind I have to imagine the possibility that I am close to being done with breastfeeding forever. Cry. Seriously.

I love breastfeeding. I love the beauty of it, the bond, the closeness, I love the incredible rush I STILL get from being so close to my baby even after almost 2 years. People talk about the oxytocin you produce when you are breastfeeding your newborn but no one ever told me that 2 years later the feel of her little hand on my skin, her breath on my neck while she sleeps, would still give me such a physical reaction. It's the reason I think I'm so completely obsessed with her, why I hate to leave her for long, she's my drug.

All this aside I know that emotionally I am ready to hang up my breastfeeding badge for a while. It might be some time before I convince Mad that she is done as well but I know it will be a peaceful movement eventually and it will be at a time that is right for both of us. I doubt this is the last I will write of it because as of today she is still nursing SEVERAL times a day and loving every minute of it. We aren't even close to me being able to politely tell her no without a mini breakdown (but it is getting better). I guess I'm her drug too.

I can promise that even when we are done with our breastfeeding relationship we will continue on with our attached life. Just now I snuggled her down for a nap (in her big girl bed, which is a story for another day) peacefully, her legs wrapped around me, her head snugged right into my shoulder where she likes to fall asleep, until she was silent and ready, and warm enough, to roll into her own space for the next two hours. I think toddlers are even more clingy (in a good way) at bed time than infants. I'm positive that I rock her more now that I ever did as an infant and I'm ok with that. This is one of the reasons I didn't want to have babies close together. I don't want to sacrifice my snuggle time with her to rock and cuddle a fussy newborn. I want it all dammit!!!

The clock is ticking as I write this and there are a million things (literally) to do before she wakes and we head up for another volunteer shift. So that is that.

Where I Overshare About Meal Planning

I fail at a great many things when it comes to being the perfect stay at home mom/wife and if I think about it too much, as I usually do 10 minutes before climbing into bed, I start to feel overwhelmed and guilty. I know there are women out there who do it all, who have time for it all, who never seem to worry about picking one thing over another but I'm not that woman. If I have a clean kitchen you can bet my master bathroom hasn't been deep cleaned in a great while. If the kitchen is messy? You can DEFINITELY assume my bathroom is even worse condition.  I am always behind on laundry, honestly I want to know how everyone doesn't feel that way, and I dread the day I have to mop the wood floors. Beautiful? Yes, but so exhausting for such a temporary feeling (thank you toddlers!).

However, I really enjoy cooking. I'm not always great at it but I know I've gotten better. Because I don't eat meat and I love fresh food that doesn't come in a box, meal planning can be tiring and expensive. Hence the spoiled veggies sitting around my kitchen. Long complicated meals do not work with a toddler underfoot and days when I hardly have time to shower. Likewise cooking 3 different versions, baby meal, veggie meal, and meat hearty meal, made me hate dinner. Mr. Bear and I would argue about what to eat and when he just stopped wanting to eat dinner with us I was so ANGRY! I felt like I was failing at the one thing that was vital to my family's health. This year it has been my goal to really focus on meals, dinner specifically. If I fail at all other forms of good housekeeping cooking a dinner for everyone is the least I can do right?

Well I've found my meal groove and I can specifically say that a few cookbooks and websites get (almost) all the credit. I know I'm not the only mama/wife/lover of a good meal that struggles with what to cook so I thought I'd share my inspiration. I'll just say, in case you haven't heard this before, that everyone should really consider reducing the amount of meat they eat every week for the health of our bodies and our environment. Most of the recipes I use are easily adjusted to be vegetarian or are vegetarian to begin with. Food can still be satisfying without meat! Also, I'm not a main course with tons of sides type of gal. That means too many dirty dishes and keeping the kitchen while I cook is another part of my goal.

Great Food Fast is a cookbook I inherited when I met Mr. Bear. I'm sure it was purchased, and then left, by his ex and I'm totally ok with that. The whole situation was a win win for me! "From the kitchens of Martha Stewart Living" is always a good sign. We use this book more than any other and will likely continue to do so for a long time. When The Bear cooks he almost always picks this book up. Fast and easy is good for encouraging men to cook.

How to Cook Everything Vegetarian was a gift from The Bear. It's huge and seems overwhelming but the longer I cook the more useful it becomes. I'll probably never become a totally bake from scratch chef but it's so helpful for the things that I do want to make fresh in my kitchen. It's definitely a staple book for a vegetarian or veg-friendly kitchen. I use a lot of the information as a base for different meals which encourages me to uses my own brain more often in the kitchen. Still working on that.

{photo source : A Couple Cooks}

Ree Drummond is The Pionner Woman and if you don't have her site bookmarked you need to do it, like yesterday (or several years ago!). She has books out too but I love the personal feeling her blog offers. She funny and real and loves the beauty of food which I really appreciate. There are some more complicated recipes but it's easy to pick out the simple/budget friendly meals. The first recipe I ever made from her site was the Marlboro Man Sandwich. I made it recently for a family dinner and did a veggie version for myself. Her recipe plus veggies is great for meat eaters too!

{Photo: © Courtesy of The Pioneer Woman Cooks}

Last, for today anyway, is Pinterest. It might not make sense right away but most other users on Pinterest are searching for the same thing you are, simple, cheap, good in the belly, and unlike some of the crazy expensive dream shoe pins I see so often, meals get pinned and actually MADE. I've found some recipes from my friends (if it has the words ranch chicken in it I likely won't be re-pinning) that have all been great and I also will think of an idea that sounds good....search it....and find a recipe that is exactly what I was hoping for. All it takes is a little imagination and some foodie friends. P.S. Follow me!

I'm far from an expert in the kitchen but I'm not ashamed to admit that I've improved greatly by cooking often and learning how to find recipes that work for my budget, skill level, and food requirements. There are few things that give me more satisfaction than creating a meal for my family, call me crazy but it means a lot to me.

Any favorite recipes, cook books or cooking sites you'd like to share with this aspiring chef?

World Breastfeeding Week and Blogs about Boobs!

I've been so happy to be involved in my local La Leche League as Mad grown older and I feel like I need to be surrounded by women that know, understand, and agree with my ideas of breastfeeding and parenting in general. To make me feel a little more "normal" you know?

August is almost here and that means World Breastfeeding Week is almost here too! I'm excited to support the events my local LLL groups have planned (I'm volunteering for several days at the SLC Breastfeeding Cafe so if you're local you should swing by and say hello!) and one of those events is a series of blog spots, a Blog Carnival if you will, by different bloggers. I don't really have time to post every day of the week so I offered to do a guest blog post on the main Cafe page. Today my post on Breastfeeding in Public (something you already know I'm a supporter of) is being featured so I hope you'll stop by and give it a read, if that interests you, and check out some of the other posts linked at the bottom.

Even if you aren't a breastfeeding mama, never were, and never will be (*ahem* men, we need your support too), there is more information than ever about the awesomeness that is breastfeeding so consider reading up. I hope by the time Mad has little babies of her own to nurse she is joined by a world that knows, loves, and supports breastfeeding mothers more than ever!

Evening Beverage - Fresh Mint Mojito

One of my absolute favorite warm weather drinks has to be a fresh mint mojito (I specify fresh because if you order one at any random bar at any time of year it will be from something that is NOT fresh picked mint and yummy sugar water). At one time mojitos were drinks for poolside Vegas vacations but now that I'm all growed up and grow my own mint (and don't get days poolside or vacations in Vegas) they are a more frequent occurrence. A little bit of vacation on a busy mama day. So, I'm going to give you all a little mojito recipe that I use. There are a lot of recipes out there and this is the only one I've found I really love, passed down from my mojito loving mama.

The first step is to make a batch of sugar water. It's super easy and tastes a million times better than a sprinkle of sugar in the bottom of the glass. I make several cups at a time so I can have it sitting in the refrigerator when I'm ready for it but you can make as much or as little as you want.

 

Add 1 cup of sugar and 1 cup of water to a pot over medium high heat. I actually do about 4 cups at a time to last me a while (keep any extra in the refrigerator in a easy pour container, I use a sports water bottle!). The point here is to melt the sugar into the water to make a thick syrupy liquid. My mom just cooks it until it looks good, without bringing it to a boil. I like to heat it until I get a few good bubbles and then turn the heat down, stirring frequently, until the texture is nice and thick. It's basically fool proof as long as you stir it often. Once it's ready put it in your container of choice and refrigerate until cold. Or something close to cold if you are as impatient as I am!

Grab your ingredients, light rum, a measuring cup, sugar water, mint leaves (washed and dried),  club soda and a muddler (both not pictured here). 

 

Throw 11 or so mint leaves and a large lime wedge in the bottom of your glass. I love my mason jar glasses, they are pretty and the perfect size and shape for mixed drinks. Muddle it all together, I squeeze the lime juice in before I start this step to make sure it's nice and limey. 

Add 2 oz. of light rum and 2 oz. of your sugar water, fill glass with ice and then add club soda (just fill the remaining space, whatever room is left is the right amount of room!). 

Stir well making sure to get your mint leaves dispersed throughout the glass, garnish with a sprig of mint and enjoy! I can't drink without a straw but I guess that's not in the official recipe. 

Pretty isn't it? Please note that tonic water isn't a good substitute if you run out of club soda before you're done getting your drink on (I learned the hard way!). Also, if you have kids that like a special drink or you want some mint goodness without the alcohol just omit that portion of the recipe for a yummy virgin mojito. 

If you aren't growing your own mint then you need to get on that ASAP! It's almost effortless and will grow like CRAZY! I keep mine on a hot cement patio so I have it in almost full shade and water frequently. I'm telling you guys I cannot believe how much mint there is in my tiny little pot. I used tons for dinner and then enough for several drinks and you can't even tell I've touched the thing.

Fresh Mint Mojito

2 oz. light rum

2oz. sugar water

lime wedge

11 (or more) mint leaves

club soda

ice

Squeeze juice of a large lime wedge in the bottom of an empty glass. Throw remaining wedge and mint leaves in and muddle together. Pour in sugar water and rum. Fill glass with ice and pour club soda until you reach the top. Stir well, enjoy, and repeat!

P.S. If you are having a party and want to make a big batch just use this recipe x4 (for an average sized container). Everyone loves a mojito!

Day of Summer

Summer is doing all the wonderful things to my life that I had hoped it would through those rough, and never ending, Winter months. The wait? It was so worth it! We play in the little blow up pool, weed our mini vegetable garden, swing, swing, and swing some more on our finally completed swing set. It's amazing. Mad and I have hot, crabby, tired days but more often, as she adjusts to the heat of Summer and learns that drinking endless cups of water helps, we have hot, fabulous, happy, days.

We gave Mad her first hair cut.

We took Mad to the Utah Hogle Zoo.

 

We clean and we nap. We laugh and we play. It's beautiful really. Already I find myself counting the days left of Summer. I wonder to myself how long the warm weather will stick around. Will we get an extra few weeks of shorts and sunshine? The year Mad was born it went from HOT to COLD so quickly. Before I knew it we were bundled up with the heater blasting and not one NOT ONE pair of adorable baby shorts were worn. Tragic really. I'm trying to focus on the now. To enjoy the time in the sun we have while it is here but it is so easy to get distracted. I want to spend every night out in the yard swinging and chasing around in the yard. That's my goal. Now. Unofficially. Maybe it's just a few minutes before bed or eating outside together as a family before the wind and rain pick up (on hot but rainy days) but I will make sure when the cold does come we are filled with the warmth of Summer for as long as possible. Now I'm off to make some simple syrup so I can have a mojito while I enjoy each evening!